Should I tell my husband?

No not everything was 'going fine'. You fear someone who is meant to protect you and make you feel safe. Walking on eggshells out of fear is no way for anyone to live. Your 'husband' has stepped over a line...there is no forgiveness or atonement....the die has been cast past the point of no return. My advice is to speak only to your husband through a third party and only when absolutely neccessary. Yes there will be confusion, hardship and sadness for a time, and your husband has trained you to also feel guilt for demanding respect, but you must push all of that down and strive to push forward toward a new happier safer future. Become the hero of your life...be everything he refuses to be.

I wish you strength, patience, perseverance, and all the best moving forward Tyffani. You are among truely caring people here.

You are covered with bruises but they didn’t arrest him? Really? Who are “they” who pressed charges. You are the one who needed to call the police and press charges. And what do you mean “everything was going fine”? There is nothing “fine” in abusuve marriage. Please stay strong and safe and don’t look for excuses anymore

Be rid of him for good!!

The very last time a hand was laid on me, I was 3 years out of my marriage. The cops came fortunately because of neighbors. When charges were brought up on my ex husband through the District Attorney's Office, he was cuffed and brought to the station first. There were some court cases. He spent time on probation. Time in therapy. Time in Anger Management.
I still needed and did go to the courthouse to file a restraining order separate from the case the District Attorney was working on. That one actually stuck.

Block your husband's friend. And why are you knowing what on earth they are even talking about?

So what if it's Father's Day? WTH type of example is he showing HIS Daughter???

Yes, he should have been arrested. You still have bruises.. there's proof.

I am sure you are shaken up, confused, feeling hurt and you may not be thinking straight.

As others are saying, everything was not fine. He is abusive. He's hit you before, and now he's beaten you up and has raped you. You need to see him now for who he truly is...... a very sick man, a twisted man, who is violent and very dangerous to you. Please see him this way...... please continue to take care of yourself and your own safety. Forget about Father's Day right now.....that is not of the greatest importance right now --- this man needs to be arrested, and there needs to be legal repercussions for his violence. Can you talk to the police about a restraining order and get one ASAP?

I agree!

I completely agree! Gather evidence against him

I seen this happen in both sides.

Ask if he wants to talk you it will be in n front of your lawyer in front of a police officer. Ask why documentation you need to prove abuse. Take picture go to a local shelter for domestic violence

I'm honestly not sure what the situation is... My lawyer said they gave him a court date or something for charges they are going to fight for... I really haven't been able to focus on this ****... It's too much sometimes....
I do think they said I have to be the one to officially arrest him, I think... I guess I should... But I feel like maybe he just needs some help... But I know that's probably a sick part of me... I don't know what's wrong with me...
My lawyer has me starting therapy this week... I'm really worried... I'm not sure what I'll have to talk about... I don't want them to think I'm crazy...

Law enforcement don't need your permission to press charges. If they see clearly that this man is the aggressor, it is up to the police to decide if charges are laid...its out of your hands I think. They may ask you to give testimony, but apart from that the law takes over from here.

Well then I don't know what's going on... I'm just a receptionist... And I've been with them for only about 2 months so I really don't know any legal stuff... But I don't know if I want him to go to jail.. I don't think that will help him.... But I'm really conflicted on it...

Tyffani, what he has done to you is violent and criminal and dangerous. Those types of people belong in jail. Prison is not meant to help him. It is meant to keep him from hurting anyone else or hurt you even further. Many of these men and up killing their significant other and if that happens what will happen to your daughter. What if she is a witness to further violence perpetrated by him. Could she ever recover? I can tell you pretty honestly that he is not conflicted about you. The next time will be even more violent. Your feelings of conflict is just another sign of that cycle of abuse. REMEMBER: LOVE SHOULD NOT HURT. He has hurt you physically, mentally and emotionally. If you can cut the cord for you, do it for your daughter.

I agree, it doesn't matter if prison will help him or not. It's about keeping you and your daughter safe. You need to get out of this relationship.

It's up to the police to arrest him. Which is contrary to popular belief. You wouldn't believe the rumor mill about my exhusbands arrest. It was the District Attorney's office that pressed charges and asked me to be a witness.
Pretty much the only thing as victims that can be done is to file a restraining order. That is separate from the criminal case.

If you want to see him helped. Court mandated services is quite honestly the best route. And that's care of the Criminal System. Jail time can be staved off while on probation and attending to counseling And Anger Management and/or Domestic Violence treatments-which I forget the name of that course but it's in existence. Anger Management with fear of jail time came be helpful...

I am glad you will see a therapist. Yes, your thinking is not clear. He doesn't just need help, dear. He needs to be arrested and away from you for good. Please pursue the arrest and charges.

Tyffani, it's not as though this man's problems will be solved by talking to a therapist once or twice. I don't think you are understanding what is happening to you. Everyone here is urging you to steer clear of him, and we are all telling you he is very violent and dangerous.

I am not a lawyer either and don’t know much about legal stuff but I know when someone assaults you, you call 911 and they come and get them. And when you are covered with bruises from assault, your primary concern should be your and your child’s safety not how jail is supposed to help your attacker.

I'm glad that you are seeing a therapist now. I'm glad that your lawyer is helping you legally. Maybe now your husband will take his actions seriously and will be held accountable for his actions

I know you guys are right... I just want to believe he can get better... But at the same time, I don't want my daughter to think that is normal... I've lost so much respect for myself over the years... that I can't see being good enough for more than this kind of life... but I don't want my daughter to feel that way...

I wish I could have the good parts back... but I don't think we can go back after this...
but when my lawyer asked if I want to arrest him I just couldn't say yes... I just froze... I don't know what's wrong with me... I can get away... but I can't do anything to him.. I feel like I can't...

You have to have enough self respect & strength to be able to draw the line.

Your husband assaulted you, beat you and raped you. How is that possibly even remotely acceptable?

It is very hard to understand where you are coming from, and I wish I could, but you clearly have some very deep self-esteem issues and self-respect issues. And I say that with great compassion.

You deserve FAR better treatment than to be violently beaten up and raped.

I don't understand what is holding you back from having him arrested. There should be NO guilt. He has committed a violent crime against you...

And there is NO turning back from this point. Someone who is a rapist and who beats a woman is NOT going to improve his ways towards you. Is that what you believe? It's only going to get far worse from here on out IF you stay with him. By doing so, you are allowing the violence to continue. Is that what you truly want? Right now you should be saying hell no......

Would you have said yes to a restraining order? I'm confused why that's not being offered?

I think that confusion came from me, perhaps? It's a bottom out, in a way--hitting rock bottom. Those probation visits and anger management courses come with a price tag-literally. It's a fine by the court that must be paid.

Ok you love your daughter and your husband.
Let's work with that.

Do you want to be the reason the man you love spends the rest of his life in prison for murder, or the reason your daughter has no parents instead of at least one that loves her?

Because that's what will happen if you keep going back.

I have been the child in the fkt up marriage. I hated my parents growing up for. Being selfish a**holes who never once considered me or my brother.

Then ironies of all ironies I went and did the same thing, ten years with someone who spent the last 2 years beating and raping me....Then he abducted my son.!

I was crazy about this guy, took him back over and over, funny thing is he left me for someone who wouldn't take his sht. One nervous breakdown and years of healing me and my kids...because believe me my kids are damaged. I am finally at a place, that if he came crawling back tomorrow i wild punch him in the Dikk and tell him to jog on.

It's not easy, it takes time, honestly for the first 3 years we were separated I would have taken him back at any time and did, for a couple of weeks here and there, but it always blew up and the incidents got worse...until he tried to kill me one night after raping me.

This guy will never let this go, you two have gone too far, you can't put those boundaries back. Not with all the good will and therapy in the world. Some people just don't work together.

Wish I could tell you something different, but my story is one of thousands that end the same way. Either you save yourself or you wind up in a box.

But you have the choice.

I would get into some kind of counseling to help you talk about your feelings.