What’s the best way to tell someone you want a break?

For the last few weeks, I’ve been dating someone. It’s a long time since I’ve done this (a year and a half) for a few reasons – I have some anxiety regarding getting emotionally close to people (in a romantic sense) and I also have some issues with physical (sexual) contact in relationships. The first couple of weeks were actually pretty good and I thought I might have actually managed to move past some of the problems I’ve had previously. However I’ve started to feel the (sadly) familiar worries and stresses that I’ve felt before creeping back in. (I don’t know whether, on some level, my previous negative experiences are affecting me here and I’m just setting myself up to fail). I’ve also been dealing with several other stress-inducing events in my life (mentioned in another thread) – new job, not enough sleep etc. At the moment I’m feeling overloaded with everything and I could do with some time to just look after myself before I can look at having a relationship. It’s annoying, as we’ve really been getting along really well, but my brain won’t seem to let me stop worrying. A relationship/dating is supposed to be fun, but I can’t get myself to relax.

The issue is further complicated by the fact that this person comes from one of my friendship circles. We have a couple of hobbies in common and we would normally see each other in a social setting at least twice a week before we started going out together. I’m just concerned what effect this will have on things. I’d want to still have them in my life as a friend (although that’s obviously their choice), so I need to know how to handle this, so this doesn’t destroy the friendship group or make things *too* awkward between us. I want to be honest, but also respectful. I also don’t want our friends to hate me or take sides (or feel that they have to).

Another level of complexity comes from stresses that the person I’ve been seeing has been dealing with in their own life – in this case, being unemployed and trying to find a job. Obviously I wouldn’t to leave/take a step back from them while they’re under severe stress, but this issue doesn’t have a definite end date, so what do I do about this? I still care about them (more so now that we’ve been spending more time alone) and I’ll happily still be there for them in troubled situations (if they want), but I feel that I need a bit of space.

Simply put, I could do with some advice on knowing what to say and how much of the above to mention. I want to say I need a few weeks to get myself together before I can consider being with another person. This isn’t a guarantee and I don’t want to imply us getting together again is inevitable. Of course I don’t want to make the other person unhappy, but I feel I need to look after myself first. Does anyone have any thoughts? I could do with a response on this sooner rather than later if possible, but any responses are appreciated.

As usual, if there are any questions about something I haven’t explained clearly ask away.

I think the fairest and cleanest thing to do all round is just admit your not ready for a relationship.

Don't call it a break otherwise you run the risk of stringing them along and having to end it at a later date. Which could result in resentment and others getting involved. It's just messy and feels horrible for the person left waiting and wondering when your getting back together or when your going to call it quits.

I also wouldn't wait longer than absolutely necessary, regardless of what's going on in their life. Their situation might not improve for months in which time they will feel things are getting more serious whilst you are just waiting for the right time to get out.
They will have possibly opened up more and come more dependant leaving you finding it even harder to find a right time.

If you have only been together a few weeks chances are you can still get out now with minimum damage and disruption to the group. Might be awkward for a bit but will most likely blow over.

Hope you are able to keep your friendship, and maybe think about working on your struggle with relationships in time.
All the best.

Is it not possible to slow down the pace without actually needing to discuss the relationship as an entity?

Sometimes space comes through being busy as relationships do ebb and flow.

Unless it's about him needing too much of you at this time? Which in that case I understand what you mean about needing to say something.

“I need a break. I appreciate your understanding and I will be in touch when I can.”

(Expect some questions as to “why,” disclose only what you want to, and perhaps give them an estimate...you’ll text (etc.) in ____ (weeks, etc.). If you end up deciding to discontinue the relationship, contact them when you have firmly decided and tell them. You don’t have to go into detail.)

Thank you everyone for your responses. Shortly after I posted this, we met up and I said, as concisely as I could, that I wasn't ready for a relationship. I think they were caught completely off guard by this and there was some crying (from both of us). I gave them some time to process it and we subsequently met up a few days later to talk through a few more things. Initially I was concerned I'd lose another friendship, but it seems that we've managed to move past it. Obviously I have no idea how they truly feel, but we still see each other a couple of times a week in social situations and we still talk on and offline (not excessively, just a regular amount). At the moment, perhaps as a result of being honest and prompt with my feelings, things seem to be going ok.

I suppose that, now I've announced it's going well (even if only to a bunch of strangers), things might suddenly start going wrong, but that's just the way life goes sometimes, isn't it? I made a decision, I believe it to be the correct one and I'm sticking to it. Personally, I do feel better for having said what I did and I hope things can carry on as normally as they were before.