I'm not gay. I have a bf

I've always been straight. Like most girls, I've always gravitated towards men. This is why it pisses me TF off that over the past several years, people didn't hesitate to question my sexual orientation out loud. WTF! I've never hit on a female. I've never come onto them. I never made any moves.

I've had a bf in high school and in the years after I graduated, I ain't come across the right one. Recently, I'm seeing a guy and idk if it's gonna be official or not. But the point is, why do people question my sexual orientation? How come people ask me if I'm hitting on any given female that I simply really liked as friends or colleagues? Or work friend?

Please don’t use homophobic slurs in your posts. As a lesbian, I do not appreciate it when straight people use the word “dyke.” It’s offensive. Your post comes across as not only frustration with people misinterpreting your actions as “hitting on them,” but also as an expression that there is something “wrong” with being a lesbian. I can understand you’re frustration that you are being misunderstood, but you can express that without using homophobic language.

I'm going to agree with Scorp.

I once was mistaken for biracial. I don't really look it. My hair is dark, but my skin is pretty light even for part Caucasian, part Native American. As it happened, I was with an older black lady who was affectionatey called "Mom" by everyone who knew her. A man overheard me calling her Mom, thought she really was my mother, and was pretty rude to me as a result.

Your post is the same as if I had gotten angry and responded, "What are you talking about? I'm not a...." and then used a racial slur.

But we do not know anything about you. How were we supposed to react?

People who I see regularly should normally react based on how I act. I did NOTHING to indicate that I'm gay.

Hi Ruby, people here are pointing out that the use of a slur word is offensive (the word dyke is offensive). You may want to respond to that, if you want support around this issue -- just a suggestion.

I don't like your implication that being homosexual is negative. Let's just say that you feel uncomfortable with the assumption that you might choose a role different from the mainstream and leave it at that. I would like to see you address this issue too.

Now, I have some understanding of this as people mistake my own preference. I assume it is my short hair and it happens most often when I am wearing casual or sporty clothes. But I have learned to let this roll off my shoulder. I have even had people mistake me from behind as a man. Now this gets my goat. Now I have no real reaction when people mistake my sexuality. I make a point of embracing my gay and otherwise different friends for who they are not what they are. If you are unable to do the same you are missing out on what could be great friendships.

Note: the thread title has been changed. Whether by the OP or by a moderator, I don't know, but the important thing is, the slur is no longer there. Thank you.

It’s not uncommon to stereotype based on how people act or look. That’s how it is. It could be annoying.

I recommend that you stop using homophobic language though. I see it’s been removed but I hope you never use it irl.

I'll stop and I definitely won't use it IRL

Why does it bother you so much if people accidentally mistake your sexual orientation? People wrongly assume I’m straight on a regular basis (even though I didn’t do anything to give them that impression), but I just correct them and move on. If it’s an honest mistake, is it that big of a deal? You can just correct them. Most of the time, we don’t “do” anything to signal our sexual orientation unless we are hitting on someone or showing affection to a partner. People usually make (incorrect) assumptions based on stereotypes. When people do that, we can simply correct them and suggest that they ask in the future rather than assume.

So, old title aside, you seem to be reacting pretty strongly to what people think of you. I can understand how frustrating it is when someone makes a wrong assumption about a core part of you... but people do that all the time for all sorts of things, not just sexuality: gender, likes, politics, blah blah blah. I can’t tell you to get used to it, or, dont let it bother you—because its darn difficult to do either or both of those. But people are still going to assume all sorts of things. If you actually want to say something, I think it’s a life skill to pleave it at “Nope, not me” “But but but I thought...” “ You thought wrong” [end of conversation right there].

It should be something to avoid saying in your head, too. No need for negative connotations to a sexual orientation.

I don't know if it's just your friends, family, and/or people you've just met that are asking about your sexuality. If it's friends, maybe they're just genuinely curious? If they're questioning their own sexuality, then perhaps they're asking about yours to help them. Maybe they need someone to talk to and don't know how to start that conversation.

If it's people you've just met, maybe they're trying to hit on you, and you can be flattered :P.

I am sorry, though, I hope people aren't being rude about it, and I certainly hope they're not putting negative connotations to being gay, either.

Maybe I’m over simplifying here...but what does it even matter what other people think about your sexual orientation? Perhaps if it does bother you ..you may be having a bit of homophobia?

As someone possibly suffering from sexuality disorders (I like boys of my age) I don't see a reason to hate homosexuals unless they're a direct threat to you.

Being gay is not a sexuality disorder. And someone’s sexual identity is not a threat. Just like being black or Asian or female is not a threat. If someone is sexually harassing someone else or assaulting someone else, then that person is guilty of harassment/assault— but it has nothing to do with their sexual orientation. Just because most sexual predators are white straight men, doesn’t mean we should say all white straight men are a threat or hate all white straight men. By the same token, it would be misguided to say someone being gay is somehow a threat to others. In fact, LGBTQ people are most likely to be victims of homophobia, assault, and abuse — not perpetrators.

It used to be. And I think I may have adolescent phillia (whatever its name is.) That is why I said "I may have a sexuality disorder." While I agree sexual identity itself isn't a threat there are a lot of issues with some gay people. They seem to have mental illness as I believe since evolution we were supposed to raise a family. What is the purpose of mating if it cannot raise a family? Biologically speaking.

Coming from someone who likes males of his age.

Homosexuality isn’t a mental illness. You need to do more research on this. You sound very misinformed. Or perhaps very young.

“There are a lot of issues with gay people”-doesn’t really make much sense. What issues? People of all sexual orientations and walks of life have issues. Nothing to do with sexual orientation

PS I see that I was right. You are not even 18. So is simply lack of knowledge. So please do educate yourself on the topic

I have severe mental illness and my cognition is terrible. I am in my late teens.

Homosexuality WAS classified as a mental disorder.

I meant the LGBT people should have psychological (not necessarily psychiatric) issues, as their sexual orientations isn't biologically right. I am talking about correspondences.

I have a feeling this thread is getting a little off topic, but I felt the need to add to this anyway.

I'm no biologist or psychologist, although I majored in Biology for undergrad. My interpretation of human sexuality is that our brains are "big enough*" to overcome the "typical**" sexual urges other animals have. People may justify rape because the person was simply acting upon procreative urges, and others might argue against homosexuality because it doesn't result in more babies.

I'm arguing that humans are able to reason their way out of these biological drives. Our ability to love (find a mate) extends beyond finding someone of the opposite sex, and is tamed by the realization that we hurt others by forcing them to do things they don't consent to. Also, there are examples of homosexuality, sex changes, gender role reversals, and females rejecting male suitors throughout nature. Isn't it lovely that we're able to overcome our instinctual urges and turn it into love that knows no bounds? That isn't restricted by someone's race or sexuality?

I personally am terrified of giving birth and never want to go through it. Does that mean I'm not biologically wired right? Maybe. Mostly I'm prioritizing my body and my rights over the standard of wanting to have kids.


* I use "big enough" lightly here. Brain size doesn't matter as much as we used to think. Birds, for example, are highly intelligent creatures, some with face-recognition, others with problem-solving skills. I don't believe humans are above any other species of animals; we're all products of the same process: evolution.

**"typical referring to the classic example of bunnies in the springtime. Most animals are driven by procreation.

Raising a family and having children? I have purely dry orgasms. And if even if I survive through what I am going, I hardly want to start a family either. To each his own opinion I guess. I am by no way against same-sex love as I've been in many of them.


This thread is going way too offtopic. So I will stop replying.

That's fair. I hope my post didn't seem like an attack towards you. In fact you had a valid question, and I encourage curiosity! And I hope my post made sense. But yes, back to the main topic...

Yes, homosexuality was previously classified as a mental disorder due to homophobia, but the point is that we now recognize that was WEONG and it is no longer classified that way. Psychologists also previously thought black people and women were cognitively less intelligent and needed to be either enslaved or managed by their husbands; we now know how ridiculous and prejudiced that was! Since I am a professor of gender & sexuality studies, I highly recommend that you read Anne Fausto-Sterling’s famous book “Sexing the Body” which explains why the belief in evolutionary psychology you described (that humans are supposedly pre-wired to be straight for procreation) is incorrect and how that belief developed out of misguided homophobia and a misunderstanding of both biology and nature. It’s a really important book all students should read!