[MatBell]

How would you react to a sibling who has never been there when you struggled even though she knew about it. A person you have helped a lot in the past with her children, babysitting and so on. I felt I was only interesting to her when I could help her with something.

When I really struggled and was down she never showed support of any kind. I can’t really accept or forgive it still. We don’t really have any relationship today because I cut her off out of anger and disappointment.

In tough situations you see who is really there for you.

[bpforever1]

I don't have any advice but empathize with you. It is sad. My brother is someone I'd like to cut off too sometimes. I know how you feel. We can choose our friends but not family.

[WasabiAlmonds]

I would talk with her about how I felt.

And not that you're thinking this, but I wouldn't cut her out of my life though I wouldn't let her in too close either.

[crushed_soul]

I empathize immensely, MatBell. From what you've typed, I share similar circumstances with my brother.

Since you posed the question, "what would you do," I will attempt to humbly tell you...

I conveyed my thoughts, perspectives, concerns and so on to him throughout the years (ten years or more.) I attempted to have several "heart to heart" during those years as well. Without divulging too much about my personal circumstances, I would try to not let her (your sister) bother me. I would try to live my life with the acceptance of my life with or without her in my it and not be too concerned.

If she is someone, who is not "there" for you when support, empathy, help and so on would be helpful to you, she seems to be someone, who is not dependable, empathetic, supportive and so forth in general. As you said, "in tough situations you see who is really there for you." To you, is someone, who communicates, interacts, and acknowledges you when you are well, asks favors of you and does not return the act, expectations of you and does not return the act and so forth a friend?

Regardless of the familial, biological connection, I would judge her as a person according to the unfolding history (past, present and future.) I would learn to become resigned to how she is and might not change how she is as a person and with you.

I try to constantly judge how I am and am not in general, towards others in general and so on. Even though my brother seemingly hardly questions himself, how he is a person, how he is with me and so forth, I constantly question my continual judging, observations and so forth. Time and time again, he proves my perspectives and perception of him to be accurate as to how he will probably be and consistent with how he has been in the past.

I would learn to be almost indifferent to her (your sister) and if the two of you are in each other's lives or not while still being open to the possibility with a relationship with one another, being cordial in general to her and so forth. I would not begrudge her in general, but I also would not attempt to be feigning interest with her. Your life is yours to live and to choose as you will. People in general, who take and do not give/reciprocate, will drain the person and wear on the person and his/her being and so forth. The effort, time, thought, and selflessness/kindness/deceny of the person goes unreturned, unappreciated and expected as a one sided "takeship."

I'd try to live my life, regardless of her, any relationship and so on.

[Rose76]

I know the feeling. It's terribly disappointing . . . even heartbreaking. For your own emotional health, you kind of have to give up hoping for what isn't there. This is happening to me right now. I need to move from anger to just recognizing that it is what it is.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi MatBell. If after looking at it from all the different perspectives and possibilities, rationalizations, etc., and if after x-amount of time the sister hadn't in some way come forward to give an explanation of herself, then, yes - I'd let her know I'm closing the door for good as well.

[Rose76]

I disagree with the idea that you should let your sister know you are going to withdraw from the relationship. Just do it. You don't have to make an announcement. Why should you treat this as some kind of commitment? It is not necessary to predict what will seem right to you 6 months from now. I would say: let go of the relationship and then take it one day at a time. You don't owe your sister any explanation of anything. Let her figure it out as best she can. Avoid the trap of telling yourself or your sister: "Here's what I am going to do for the next ten years." Avoid getting into a debate with your sister. She is going to defend to the death that her behavior is fine. It's not. But she is the way she needs to be. If she misses you, after you detach from her, she may make overtures to close the gap. Or not. I doubt she is capable of being different from how she is.