HELP!!! anyone else ever had trouble w/ mother as payee?

when i had no car, my mother promised me a car IF I WOULD MAKE HER PAYEE ON MY DISABILITY....well she hasnt been using any money for herself....but she's been denying me gas money to drive to my support group, drive to church, forces me to hand over my $800 tax return last april, my Dad only wants $200 in rent she says but your condo IS WORTH $1000 says i have to pay $400 in rent..says id get less supplemental if i only paid $200 in rent how can i be getting less disability...im only on the lowest amount....$690 a month..dad goes along with whatever she says...ive' been to mental health agencies, rent payee agencies, disability, the only way to get her off as payee is to have my Dr. sign a statement saying I'm capable of handling my own money.....Doc won't do that...I am going to a clinic instead private dr because of this..when I got a social worker at a center for payees to agree to be a payee, he said id like to talk to your mom. she AMBUSHED him convinced him to let her regain control, told me he is only 'partial..' control of your money..friend said he would consider being my payee is to, you got it, talk to my mom first...

wow. thats really all i have to say is wow. does she just not realize what shes doing to you? i would hope that moms wanted whats best for their kids but that story obviously proves that wrong. i dont have any experience with it just cant believe that a mother would do that to her own child!

Because my mother is convincing all payees to step down and for her to regain control, I am considering leaving my private Pdoc I've had for 14 years in order to go toa clinic, in order to obtain a case manager....should I do this?! Anyone ever left a doctor, a good private one, who knows my whole story, who I've had for count 'em fourteen years? Looked into it- this is the only way to obtain case manager....plus....there is a possibility new Pdoc will sign statement saying I can be my own payee..I DO take care of my own car insurance, cell bill, landline bill, cable, and internet, will show new Pdoc bills maybe he will ok me to handle my rent too.

Maybe you can find an attorney to speak to about this situation. Most times the initial consultation is free. Even if they can lead you in a direction to look elsewhere for help, at least that would be something.

Does your mom have legal guardianship over you? If so, then I believe the only way to change her as payee is to go to court and ask her to be removed as guardian and have one appointed by the court. If this happens, an amount will be determined to pay your mom for your keep, an amount that you will have in your pocket and other bills will be paid for either by you or through the guardianship. I'm not sure how it works in all states, I only have some info in the state I live in. Maybe doing a google search on guardianship laws in your state would be helpful?

I wish you well!

Hugsss
sabby

"I DO take care of my own car insurance, cell bill, landline bill, cable, and internet"

Where do you get the money to do this with?

Is there a guarantee that a case manager sill wouldn't be waylaid by and hand payee status over to your mother?

What are you trying to get done that having your mother payee on the money doesn't get done? Is she giving you no money for the car gas, how does your car gas amounts work?

I would sit down with your mother and talk about the situation, see what her concerns are and what yours are; if she's not using it on herself then. . . she's using it for you? It could just be various misunderstandings? $690 isn't going to go very far, it could be that there just isn't enough money for all you would like? A condo is going to be worth more than $200 in rent and needs to get fair value for your Dad or he will literally be losing money; he has to pay taxes and mortgage payments, etc. and they're more than $200.

my mother isn;t my guardian, i am thirty-four years old. she's an accountant for aliving, loves controlling money. I do pay all my own bills, it;s just I switched jobs and took one with a month pay delay, there was $600 in the account, out of the $600 I asked my mom for $20 so I could drive to my support group. she said I could not go to my support group amymore, too far out of the way, couldnt go to church either. was also struggling with enough to eat. My Dad is actually a millionaire and he would like to help by at least reducing rent to $200 that's all he helps out of his money.

So, she just has this $600 or does she control your paycheck? Can you get an "advance" from your job? If you pay your rent (to your father) can you just keep doing that at the rate you want. It doesn't sound like he'll "fuss" and try to collect more, no matter what your mother says? Just do a thing between him and you, and bypass your mother. My father and I use to do that; had arrangements my stepmother didn't know about.

If you get paid your check from your job and she's a cosigner on your bank account or something like that; open another bank account.

If you are 34 why did you need someone else to be a payee to begin with? Did something happen that you were declared unable to care for the majority of your money?

If your mother is not using the money on herself (and with your father that wealthy I do not imagine that she is) perhaps she's trying to show you how to manage your money. Your parents won't be around forever and I'm sure that she'd like to know you'll be ok when they are gone.

Was your mother aware that you were struggling with having enough money to buy food?

June,

You can appoint ANYONE you choose to be your payee. You simply call SS and have it done (after, of course, finding another payee).

You can even have a state agency be that payee. Please call SS and see what your options are. You aren't powerless in this, hon.

I wish you well.

Please let us know.

KD