I’m considering cheating or leaving her.

Buffy01 · 06:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lady411

Leaving is a much better option than cheating. But do have a serious talk about it with her. If you care about her add much as you say you do, it's the least you can do. It helps with finding closure as well.

I agree with that!

Buffy01 · Jul 04, 2018, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

So why if you KNEW you needed passion did you get involved with her in the first place....all of a sudden it matters?

That the kind of questions I ask my cheating family!

Buffy01 · Jul 04, 2018, 06:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

Too me it does now.

Had a serious talk with her and we reached what I believe is a good compromise between us. I’m going to set realistic ideals for her and she’s going to quit being so distant.

That a great idea!

Buffy01 · Jul 04, 2018, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

Leave her. Don't play games cheating though you are probably thinking that cheating will make her mad & want to leave you so you don't have to be the one who leaves her.

That is still messy. Just be HONEST. You might as well end the relationship with honesty rather than leaving her wonder why you cheated.

Yes, yiu can say you love someone just because yiu are in a relatiknship & feel you should say it. Honestly if she is not feeling intimate toward you & this has been going on for some time.....there is probably a real reaon on her part & maybe she just doesn't know how to express what is bothering her. I have been there done that too in my marriage. It NEVER got better either but I don't believe in cheating. Either break it off or live with it.

Cheating never solved anything. If the person you cheated with had a conscious? Will feel horrible about it! Karma always get it ways. Cheating does more harm than good! Someone always get hurts.

Buffy01 · Jul 04, 2018, 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Molinit

It's not going to change. If you need more, then you should leave her. She can find someone more suited to her needs and you can find someone suited to provide yours.

I agree!

Buffy01 · Jul 04, 2018, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

What makes you unsure about this?

I wonder if she has spoken with, or would be willing to speak with a mental health professional. It is possible that there are physical and/or mental health reasons for her lack of desire. If so, these can be addressed in many cases by a doctor and/or via therapy.

I think that is a great idea!

Buffy01 · Jul 04, 2018, 06:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Erebos

It is perfectly reasonable to wAnt intimacy inside of a relationship like this.
However she is also well within her rights to not want to.
The fact that she doesn't suggests there is something going on for her she isn't able to address with you, or just now.
If no sex is a deal breaker...It probably would be for a large number of people, then you need to walk away.

Cheating is entirely unnecessary.

It would be a far better option to just cut her loose.

It sounds as though this relationship has just run it's course. Some do, they don't need to end because of some drama. Sometimes we just out grow the relationship and there's no place left to go and it's time to call it a day.

I completely agree with that!

Buffy01 · Jul 04, 2018, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

Things were never that passionate to begin with. She had a hard time being romantic from the beginning.

Perhaps it was best to leave earlier than later!

Laurielrocks · Sep 01, 2018, 03:21 PM

wow. I read this and was taken back.. my husband cheated..... lied and it was devastating. I wished he would have just told me.. I would have glady left if he was unhappy with me.... He would say no he loves me blah blah...
Let her go and be happy.. yeah that is pretty selfish

Sep 01, 2018, 04:02 PM

Be honest. Don’t cheat. You will regret that. Find out what her needs are and maybe that will help her be open to your needs too. If it’s not going to work out, at least openly talk with her and end things kindly. You’ll carry all this mess into your next relationships if you don’t have closure. If you want to form healthy relationships in the future, do the right thing now.

Sep 01, 2018, 04:04 PM

This thread has not been active for two months.

x_BabyG_x · Sep 02, 2018, 02:10 PM

You have every right to end a relationship if you aren’t getting your needs met, intimacy is very important in a relationship for those who need it.

However, what right do you have to cheat and hurt another person by betraying trust? I can’t even stress how damaging cheating can be to the person on the other side of things, not just the hurt of finding out about betrayal but this could potentially have life long damaging implications for her. Trusting another person is really really difficult to do far after a relationship ends, self doubt, self unworthy... the list goes on.

Think about it. Far better to end it due to lack of sex and thinking you’re an arse for it, than betraying her and her thinking for years to follow that there’s something wrong with her.

Fuzzybear · Sep 29, 2018, 09:28 PM

Leave her. Don’t play games.

Buffy01 · Oct 05, 2018, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

So I do love my girlfriend, but she’s not fulfilling my need for intimacy. The most intimate we get nowadays is holding hands and that’s just not enough. She won’t even kiss me anymore. She says that she still loves me but she doesn’t show it that much. She is supportive in my choices and there when I need her.

I’m not saying those aren’t enough but I need romance and the feeling of being desirable. I know it’s a bit selfish of me to think that it’s a requirement for ones partner to remain romantic. But she is becoming more like a good family member than my girlfriend.

I’ve been with her for almost two years now and despite me bringing up the issue numerous times it will only get better for a week or two before the old ways return.

Why not break up with her? Cheating can hurt everyone involved. Your actions will affected her because you chose to cheat. When you could have just dump her.

Buffy01 · Oct 05, 2018, 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laurielrocks

wow. I read this and was taken back.. my husband cheated..... lied and it was devastating. I wished he would have just told me.. I would have glady left if he was unhappy with me.... He would say no he loves me blah blah...
Let her go and be happy.. yeah that is pretty selfish

I agree!

Buffy01 · Oct 05, 2018, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Be honest. Don’t cheat. You will regret that. Find out what her needs are and maybe that will help her be open to your needs too. If it’s not going to work out, at least openly talk with her and end things kindly. You’ll carry all this mess into your next relationships if you don’t have closure. If you want to form healthy relationships in the future, do the right thing now.

I completely agree with you!

Buffy01 · Oct 05, 2018, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bill3

The fact that she wasn’t romantic in the beginning is completely consistent with there being a clinical issue. She might have a longstanding clinical issue.

There doesn't “have to be” a clinical issue. Maybe there isn’t. But when a partner in a new or relatively new relationship expresses love in multiple ways, but not sexually, and not even by kissing, the presence of a clinical problem is a logical possibility that, in my view, is important to investigate.

I agree! Perhaps we is showing love in other ways

Buffy01 · Oct 05, 2018, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by x_BabyG_x

You have every right to end a relationship if you aren’t getting your needs met, intimacy is very important in a relationship for those who need it.

However, what right do you have to cheat and hurt another person by betraying trust? I can’t even stress how damaging cheating can be to the person on the other side of things, not just the hurt of finding out about betrayal but this could potentially have life long damaging implications for her. Trusting another person is really really difficult to do far after a relationship ends, self doubt, self unworthy... the list goes on.

Think about it. Far better to end it due to lack of sex and thinking you’re an arse for it, than betraying her and her thinking for years to follow that there’s something wrong with her.

I completely agree with you!

Buffy01 · Oct 05, 2018, 08:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Leave her. Don’t play games.

Great advice! I completely agree with you!

Katieissweet · Oct 09, 2018, 03:25 AM

If there was never any electricity or spark it may always be that way,move on,let her find her soulmate and you yours.

Buffy01 · Oct 09, 2018, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

ahh ok thanks for elaborating on that

Maybe you should have let go sooner but that's in the past now. going forward just make sure you don't cheat, as that is unfair to her. just because she doesn't have the level of passion you want, I'm guessing you dont' exactly hate her either. So it's only fair she is let off the hook and not deceived by you cheating. Plus easier on you, not having to play two sides kind of thing which can never be fun.

That great advice!

Buffy01 · Oct 09, 2018, 06:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Katieissweet

If there was never any electricity or spark it may always be that way,move on,let her find her soulmate and you yours.

I completely agree!

Buffy01 · Oct 09, 2018, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deejay14

Leave her if you must...but not without explanation. Have you talked with her about this previously? If you haven't, talk with her and see if this can be remedied. Relationships of every kind sometimes involve compromise. This is especially true when married. Do not cheat!

I completely agree with you!

Buffy01 · Oct 09, 2018, 06:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

I don’t hate her. In fact I love her to death. But I’m unsure if it’s a romantic love.

Just tell her that you don't feel that way about her anymore.

Buffy01 · Oct 09, 2018, 06:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eskielover

You are the only one capable of determining what your feelings are. Yiu have some serious thinking to do because relationships are not about just going out & getting the missing aspect filled by someone else. That is not a relationship & definitely NOT one where there is love.

I completely agree with you!

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