My bf and I each have a ton of stress on our plates right now regarding work, and I feel like I' burdening him too much and also like we've been two ships passing in the night lately.

How do you handle stress around work when both people have totally different jobs that have totally different kinds of stress, rules and parameters, and when both people handle their stress very differently? I need to talk about mine, and he seems to clam up about his and shut down.

So I called my parents to talk about it. But he's in bed now and now I am all alone. This sucks.

[Deejay14]

This might be where friends come into play. It's so at times like this you both need to be extra compassionate with each other. We have ten minute talk time every M-F at my house.

[healingme4me]

I agree about finding other people or even outlets to discuss work stressors. Making sure to pencil in quality time together.

[divine1966]

You could try to create schedules like what days or times you will have time for: insert sharing time or entertainment etc

You might need more people and resources than just him. Friends? Family? Therapist?

Also when you have quality time, do you reserve any time to just talking, not always entertainment etc?

Thank you all.....

Yeah, perhaps I've been spending too much 1:1 time with him, and not enough with my friends. Truth is, I haven't seen my friends much since dating him. I've called them on the phone, but I haven't seen them. So I could lean on my friends (and family) more.

We do go out for meals and hang out and talk. But I cannot lean on only him about work stress. It's not right.

[Erebos]

Having other people to lean on about these things is essential so as not to overburden each other. Or else pretty soon your each other's agony aunt/uncle and the spark fizzles out of the relationship.

Being able to share is fine, but letting each other know that you /they r not a crutch, that you'll manage just fine if they have their own stuff to deal with is really reassuring.

Just takes a little practice and self control but it's doable.

Of course we want to be there for our SO but maintaining our own mental well-being is vital to a healthy relationship.

Best of luck. Hope things get easier soon.

Originally Posted by Erebos

Having other people to lean on about these things is essential so as not to overburden each other. Or else pretty soon your each other's agony aunt/uncle and the spark fizzles out of the relationship.

Being able to share is fine, but letting each other know that you /they r not a crutch, that you'll manage just fine if they have their own stuff to deal with is really reassuring.

Just takes a little practice and self control but it's doable.

Of course we want to be there for our SO but maintaining our own mental well-being is vital to a healthy relationship.

Best of luck. Hope things get easier soon.

Thank you, and I agree with you-- that's why I called my parents last night and talked to them instead about work while I let my bf rest and relax for a couple hours. I was out shopping for work clothes, so I called them.

Truth is, there's not many friends I can regularly call upon to discuss and process work issues or stress. There's really just one friend, and her phone is constantly dropping calls so we can barely talk. She also lives 45 mins away. Looks like I will have to lean more on my parents and perhaps my sister the most.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Thank you all.....

Yeah, perhaps I've been spending too much 1:1 time with him, and not enough with my friends. Truth is, I haven't seen my friends much since dating him. I've called them on the phone, but I haven't seen them. So I could lean on my friends (and family) more.

We do go out for meals and hang out and talk. But I cannot lean on only him about work stress. It's not right.

I can’t emphatise enough importance of maintaining friendships/hobbies/interests/activities outside of one’s primary relationship. It’s a healthy thing to do.

Originally Posted by divine1966

I can’t emphatise enough importance of maintaining friendships/hobbies/interests/activities outside of one’s primary relationship. It’s a healthy thing to do.

Yes, agreed. I've maintained friendships, I just haven't been able to swing 1:1 time with then due to scheduling. One friend came over while my bf was at a concert with his friend, but then my friend ditched me to go see U2!

[lady411]

I really like how everyone is given their wonderful insight and thoughts on the OP. My marriage has a very similar situation. He works while I stay at home with our 3 kids (fyi. I have a very difficult stepdaughter) so we both have completely different stressors. I'm 4 mo pregnant which also adds stress. When I've felt emotional or stressed, he finds it very difficult to be compassionate & supportive. So I can totally agree on finding other outlets for support. I'm blessed with lots of family & a few close friends but I'm still in the process of finding some dependable support myself.

Well, I called my mom yesterday about something to do with work instead of unloading it on my bf. I will just call my parents from now on since it's harder to talk to my friends about these things.