Trying to Avoid "Dating Down" BUT

So after a DEVASTATING relationship in 2016, I decided to take a long, hard look at my relationship patterns and truly work on myself. It has been two LONG years, and I've decided to try to "get back out there"

In the past I've had two extremes... the "fixer upper"... you know the guys with so much "potential" that never seem to do much, or the gainfully employed A**HOLE who has no intention of committing to anything but his bank account.

In my quest to move more to the middle, I fear that I am in danger of repeating the same pattern...again.

I've been working a part time job the last two years (and paid off $20K debt by doing so), and there's a REALLY sweet guy that works there. He's a line cook (red flag #1), but he seems to think I walk on water... and it's... SWEET.

He literally chased me around for three months to get my phone number. Then when I gave it to him, it took him a while to call. I seriously just wrote it off as him being a player and otherwise occupied my time until one of our mutual coworkers shared with me that he was nervous about calling me because he didn't have a car at the time. Well... as soon as he purchased his car, my phone rang.

I spent another month politely declining his invitations out, but finally caved in last week and we had a GREAT time. I repeat, he's really sweet and attentive and funny, BUT we're SO different and I've been down this road before.

During our date, I TOLD him he was "friend zoned" and he said he wasn't gonna give up just yet, but respected my boundaries. He (unlike other guys) hasn't tried to kiss me or be inappropriate, but he's called everyday since (which I won't answer -- don't want to lead him on) and... he wrote me POETRY!!!!! I'm a sucker for those artsy fartsy types.

So... I like the guy, but am afraid I'm falling into my same pattern. If we were 25, I would be a little more open to him "coming up". We're 40!!!!!!

Not to sound stuck up, but I have two degrees, a great job, and I'm well established. He's living with his Dad, but it's because his Dad's health is declining, and he's helping to take care of his two younger sisters. He's never been on a plane. He didn't know what gratuity meant.

AAAARRRGH! I keep see sawing between picking him apart or making excuses. I don't know what to do...

BTW... I am going to go out with some other guys (I'm a serial monogamist), and NOT do anything physical with ANYONE for a while. That got me in trouble the last time.