Emotional affair

So he has only been working for 4 months? It doesn't even sound like his job is all that challenging either, more something that doesn't require much educational skills. From what you have shared your husband's maturity level is reflecting that of a much younger individual who doesn't really know how to actually be an adult and tends to be why he is attracted to older women too. It looks like your husband just wants a long term "mommy" so he can continue to avoid growing up. He most likely isn't even consciously aware of this either. Sometimes this is a sign of being on the autistic spectrum too where the individual simply doesn't have the ability to mature.

Four months in to employment is when it began all began (I didn’t find out for months about the emotional affair, he’s been there a little over a year now. And you would be correct, it’s a vendor position (basically stock shelves of their products in numerous locations)

It’s all very possible! Thank you for your insight. He did struggle through school and always thought he possibly had undiagnosed ADHD growing up.
I’ve been the opposite, after the birth of our daughter,got a bachelors in business administration and also worked full time while obtaining my degree.

You are welcome, I am not a professional and am not diagnosing but just thinking about some of what you have shared that could be red flags to him possibly having a challenge where his behaviors are signaling an issue that's not just about him being unfaithful, but instead that he might be on the spectrum, sometimes someone on the spectrum may appear to have ADHD as symptoms can look so similar, yet individuals with ADHD can actually do rather well when it comes to being more independent and capable. I have read that a person can also have both challenges too. He would have to be tested by a professional in order to get an accurate diagnoses. At any rate, it sounds to me like your H has a self esteem problem and with you being so much more capable and self sufficient he may need to find another way of getting his ego boosted which is what he seemed to get from this much older woman. Hey, you were so much younger when you started this relationship, you just did not see this challenge, this happens. Well, now you are recognizing some things about your H that you have to decide if you can continue living with or not. He may never mature to a point where he is a "normal" partner for you in terms of being able to overcome his low self esteem issues and needing to have a partner that can "mother" him. His reluctance to completely let go of this affection he has for this other older woman may mean he will look for a way to stay connected with her. It's VERY possible that he himself doesn't understand this "need" in himself. You could try seeing if you can find a counselor and meet with this counselor together and apart and clue this individual in to your concerns, sometimes a counselor can see the challenge for what it is and offer you support with the decision you make as to what to do about your relationship and your future.

If your husband has a problem (ADHD or Autistic Spectrum etc) he can't change then it's pointless to demand and punish, after all, he is what he is and it's better you understand that and base your decisions without needlessly spinning your wheels assuming he is capable of more than he actually is and therefore is "cheating" on you etc., etc. understand? Also, it's not unusual for the individual to NOT know they have a problem too. Some challenges once diagnosed can benefit from finally learning about one's own challenges and how to better manage this challenge.