He expressed them (his feelings) to me last year around the time I moved into my apt. I had thought about it with him too. He is a wonderful person. He is good looking too. But I am completely not attracted to him, I realized early on, and I expressed that to him. It did take me a moment. Because I'd thought about it too. I also do not feel like we resonate in a way that I would like to resonate with a guy I'm seeing. But mainly, I am just not sexually attracted to him. It would feel like kissing my brother. I just think it would feel really gross and really uncomfortable for me and I wouldn't do that.

So that was a while back. He said he was OK with it. And that he still wants to be friends. We got a bite to eat recently and we were just being silly at one point. We were playing with our drink cups pretending to fight. And then suddenly, he took his cup and touched my cup, and was like "kiss kiss kiss." I was freaked out. I took my cup away. He didn't seem to mind or really even notice that I felt uncomfortable.

We were talking about playing golf together sometime soon. And I don't really want to now.

Also, I know this is weird, but we hug each other when we are parting. One time, at a baseball game, I touched his arm, when I was talking to him and it felt fine to do. But I still do not want to "kiss kiss kiss" him. Or see his penis. Or do anything sexual with him. I felt really weird afterward, like why did I do that? I was worried I'd led him on, and we were supposed to take a road trip together and I cancelled because I was worried about that.

I wonder if I should talk to him about what I'm thinking. I'm worried it will get awkward. Like he might feel hurt. But its not anything he didn't hear me say before. Though, he was hurt when I did say it before, actually. He had to like, recover and contemplate, I guess.

[sans]

I feel for you both, Knit chick. If there’s no physical chemistry, it would be difficult to consider a person for romance.
I hate that it’s getting awkward for you, and definitely feel honest and up front conversations keep misinterpretation from happening. I hope it doesn’t hurt him too much, but I think it better to shut it down now than having him hurt more later.
I always thought having someone as a friend first and then growing romantically would be the best possible relationship. It would be nice to hear from others in relationships who started as friends and see if they encountered similar feelings.
All the best,
Sandy

[Bill3]

When was the baseball game? To what extent has he been testing boundaries in any way recently?

[MickeyCheeky]

Well, if you don't fee attracted to him, there's nothing you can do.. I'd say just be honest and say the truth. Hopefully he'll understand

I don't see a problem with hugging goodbye, but yes, perhaps continue to draw boundaries by not touching him otherwise and by not hanging out too much 1:1. I have found with male friends who think there's hope, even when I've said there isn't, that when we continue to hang out 1:1 they get the wrong idea. I wouldn't bring it up to him since he hasn't brought it up again himself, and like you said, it's an uncomfortable and painful conversation. It doesn't seem he has asked to date you again, so I would just continue to make it clear through your actions that you're not interested.

[divine1966]

He might be getting mixed messages from you. I’d stop one on one outings with him. Trips and so on.

Originally Posted by Bill3

When was the baseball game? To what extent has he been testing boundaries in any way recently?

The baseball game was a couple month ago. Why do you ask?

I really feel like its just been with the cup thing / "kiss kiss kiss." (ugh). I appreciate you using the words "testing boundaries," because that is what it seemed like to me, too.

[Bill3]

I was interested to know how recently/consistently the problems have been coming up. If he is testing boundaries then I agree that one-on-one outings are unwise.

Thank you everyone for your responses. I liked some of your suggestions: talk to him about it, don't hang out with him 1-on-1 anymore, don't talk to him about it because he hasn't brought it up.

Sans, thanks for your response and feeling for me. My feelings for him will not grow (not interested in them growing) and I'd never push myself, therefore, I personally am not interested in people responding whose platonic feelings grew with their partner. I know those stories are romantic, but I feel that would be a hindrance for me to hear that in this thread.

Originally Posted by Bill3

I was interested to know how recently/consistently the problems have been coming up. If he is testing boundaries then I agree that one-on-one outings are unwise.

Thank you.

[s4ndm4n2006]

would you rather remain silent preventing some supposed hurt today only to be forced to be honest with him later, possibly making it worse or would you rather be honest now, taking that chance (he will be hurt in any way you do this anyway) and give your friendship a chance to move on and be something better?

Mind you once someone has the desire for something more in a relationship and is turned away from that idea it's always going to be hard to move on from that and just be friends. Not at all impossible but, hard for the person with the feelings so keep that in mind.

To be honest I'll get right to the point, if you dont' say anything and you pretty much know how he still feels you are going to end up leading him on in a way by remaining silent. The right thing to do really is being honest and up front.

[sans]

Sorry about that. I misunderstood what you were trying to figure out.
Sans

Sandman, I was going to make a joke about you being the "moral police," but (I think I'll still make it: Hey! it's the moral police!) the truth is I hold that title (I guess i'm more of a moral queen). Also I did text him today the truth that my feelings for him have not changed and I only want to be friends. I feel good about that even though I feel uneasy. Also I think text is fine.

And I appreciate you saying this: "once someone has the desire for something more in a relationship and is turned away from that idea it's always going to be hard to move on from that and just be friends. Not at all impossible but, hard for the person with the feelings so keep that in mind." I personally...it's funny...I didn't think of that. I guess because after he cooled down the first time, he was the one who seemed to so much want to be friends. Also perhaps I was not being very empathic, like perhaps I was just seeing it from my side. Anyway, I'm glad I said what I said to him.