[MickeyCheeky]

I regret the fact that I've never had a single experience with a girl in my life. I know many people would say that I'm still young (I'm 20) and that there's still time, but I feel like the situation will not improve, even when I'm in my 30s, 40s, ecc. I'm afraid that I'm doomed to stay alone for the rest of my life.

[lotusblossom19]

Aw, you really are young, though. I think the situation is highly likely to improve. You never know what (or who) is around the corner. There are so many people you could meet and so many ways you could meet them. Try to be optimistic about it.

I agree -- you are still very young, and you are not alone. Even though it hasn't yet happened, doesn't mean it won't ever. Be patient with yourself.... and yes, try to stay optimistic.

The idea that you may never have this, all through your 20s, 30s, and 40s...is most probably depressive thinking and distorted thinking. I actually have thought the same thing about that when I was younger, and about having a relationship. But I've had a bunch of experiences, so I proved myself wrong, lol. (((Mickey)))

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I regret the fact that I've never had a single experience with a girl in my life. I know many people would say that I'm still young (I'm 20) and that there's still time, but I feel like the situation will not improve, even when I'm in my 30s, 40s, ecc. I'm afraid that I'm doomed to stay alone for the rest of my life.

On the one hand... I think you could be right. As a teen I didn't get asked to the prom and I remember feeling this heavy feeling like that meant I wouldn't be too popular with the guys in the future... and largely I was spot on.

On the other hand... I did meet some amazing guys who were into me starting in my late 20s! I remember just feeling a turn in the idea that people who were in the 30s seemed to be looking for what I was growing into.

I guess my advice is that if you really want this.. work hard at it. I didn't. I just sat back and just let what was going to happen happen.

[Bill3]

Aw Mickey you sound so sad right now.



It is important to have an awareness of what is often called catastrophic thinking. If a person believes that they will never have a relationship, they may withdraw into themselves and that very withdrawal makes it harder to have a relationship.

My advice is to treat these thoughts as like rain on a day that you are thinking of going to a museum. The thoughts/rain are there, but you can still move forward towards your goals/the museum. Acknowledge these thoughts without judging yourself for them, and continue to work on moving forward towards figuring out your goals and moving towards them.

[MickeyCheeky]

Thank you guys for your support. Perhaps you're right that it's just my negative thinking. Still, I always have this fear... fear of being ugly, unlikable, unlovable, ecc. I guess I should try and make some effort soon. But I don't really know where to start

[Bill3]

It sounds like a problem is that even if you were ready to start, you don’t know what you are aiming for or how to proceed.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I regret the fact that I've never had a single experience with a girl in my life. I know many people would say that I'm still young (I'm 20) and that there's still time, but I feel like the situation will not improve, even when I'm in my 30s, 40s, ecc. I'm afraid that I'm doomed to stay alone for the rest of my life.

I don't like listening to the "you're young" advice. They're like saying "It can wait". Completely false

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Thank you guys for your support. Perhaps you're right that it's just my negative thinking. Still, I always have this fear... fear of being ugly, unlikable, unlovable, ecc. I guess I should try and make some effort soon. But I don't really know where to start

My advice based on what I didn't do... get out there and meet people. All kinds of people. Just be wit them as much as possible. The more you meet the more chance you will meet someone into you.

[Bill3]

[MickeyCheeky]

Thank you all for replying I guess you are all right. Perhaps I should just start meeting some people first.. I'll see. Maybe I'm not ready yet, I'm not sure.

I guess I'm just scared of dying alone...

[skatkats]

Sorry MickeyCheeky. Sounds like a basic human fear. I’m not a professional by any means however I have talked to many people and in intimate conversation seems to be something we all fear at some point in our life. Lol.... I’m kind of the opposite, here I am coming out of an awful and abusive relationship @ 43 years old and fear I am too old to gain any interest from anyone and I may very well end up alone. As of right now I have no interest in another relationship. I am not sure if you mean something just physical or a committed relationship.

Believe me, your turn is coming. It’s the way of the world, there will be someone come along and you will get your experience. How lovely would it be if as humans, the first emotional, intimate, committed relationship whether it was short term or long term, worked out and and has been a successful relation since.... yea. That doesn’t happen very often anymore so I would think there would be many, especially those browsing this particular forum, that would agree...... you will have your experience and perhaps it will work very well. As I mentioned I sit here trying to recover from a relationship and I think back at all the relationships I have had and at the core I have a fear of being alone. I think it could be human nature to feel that way sometimes when we don’t have companionship, after all we are human and we are social beings and we have that built into our wiring as some sort of need. I don’t know.... I am just rambling now. Anyway, hang in there, it is coming... there is no way around it.

[skatkats]

And you are in Italy! My ex wife was Italian, had a long term relationship with another Italian. We ate sausage and meatballs at Christmas and Thanksgiving, very familiar with culture. Never been to Italy but the last girl, I was with eight years, her mom comes to Italy every year for a month. Yes, you’re going to get what you desire soon if my experience with the two Italian families I lived with for many years is true with culture in your county. This was the relationship prior to the current one I am recovering from.

[MickeyCheeky]

Thank you so much for your answer. I'm sorry about your relationship but yes, I'm well aware of how difficult a relationship can be. Thank you for the advice and the encouragement

[eskielover]

My H nor I were mature enough at 21 to get married like we did. It't better to wait I know yourself better before trying to force relationships to work. Honestly now at 65 I feel like if the right persin came along I could handle a relationship but up to a few years ago.... no way & I wouldn't bother even trying.

Best to wait until you feel emitionally ready. I can attest, dying alone is a blessing compared to dying in a bad marriage or relationship.