[birdie274]

I'm not even sure how to explain this properly, but I'll give it a go. I'll give some background info first...

My last relationship ended almost 9 years ago now, we were 17 and I became pregnant and he left as he did not want a child.

Possible trigger:

He did become a little bit abusive after I told him I was pregnant, hitting my stomach and at one point he asked me if he hit hard enough would it disappear.

I received a few nasty texts during my pregnancy but I have not heard or seen anything of him since then. I lost all of my friends whilst pregnant, some through the lies my ex told, some just didn't want to be friends with a single teenage mother and some due to not being able to go out much anymore. My relationship with my family also suffered a lot during this time.

About six months ago I met my current boyfriend, we dated for two months before we became an official relationship. I am happy with him and he gets on with my daughter amazingly, he also has a child from a previous relationship. He is very close to his family and has started inviting me round to his parents for dinner sometimes. The only time I leave the house without my daughter, excerpt for work, is to go out with him - this only happens once or twice a month.

My problem is, every time I have been to his parents house I feel very upset and end up crying after I've left. Just seeing how nice they are, the way they all get on and especially the way they play with their grandchildren really gets to me. It's a weird feeling and I'm not sure why it happens but I just can't seem to stop it. It was my birthday recently and his parents and his brothers fiancee all bought me little gifts and cards, even though I'd only met them once before. It was such a nice thought that I cried for almost two hours afterwards. My daughter always comes with me to his families houses and I've never met them without her, they're all really lovely to her and offer her games and sweets just like they do to their own grandchildren.

Being on my own with my daughter for over 8 years has made it really hard for me to enjoy being part of a proper family. I really want to but I just keep crying after spending time with them. Not sure if anyone might have any advice they can give?
I've looked into therapy but I'm no good at talking to people, I just clam up and the words don't come out. I've read about online therapy but it's all too expensive for me at the minute.

[healingme4me]

Seems understandable that the kindness of others would create overwhelming feelings.

[Aviza]

Just enjoy it. I have no advice but sounds lovely.

I understand. Tell them. Write a letter and let it out. Give it to them and walk away. The biggest gift you can give back is your heart.