[UCLAFan]

The Holidays are not my favorite time of year.I really don't like most in my family.To much drama and they are hateful.On Thanksgiving i might go to my aunt's sisters house.Instead of my aunt.I like my Aunt's sister better.My aunt will get ticked off and be her usally rude self.But i'd rather spend time with my aunt's sister and her husband.We get along better.Plus they don't treat me like crap.My aunt and uncle treat me like the black sheep of the family.Mostly because i don't have a good paying job.My Aunt's sister has issues with her sister.About the same issues i have with my aunt.Just recently again my aunt told her sister she is disowning her.My aunt is a yuppie scum type of person.If you get what i mean by that.Then for Christmas i'm going to Texas for a week to see my mother.Have not seen her in 3 years.To be honest i don't miss her at all.Still at times verbally abuses me.According to her warped thinking.She is my mother so she has the right to treat me any way she please.She has told me that several times.I'm 37 and she treats me like a child.But she is a total nag and control freak.None of us grown adult kids like her.She can't stop being verbally abusive.In the past.If i have walked away from her.She'd follow right behind me and keep nagging me.She is something else.I don't really have that much to do with her.I ignore a lot of her phone calls.She is in denial about how bad of a mother she has been.She even says i'm ungreatful and she should get a mother of the year award.Good mothers don't call their kids. Names like useless,stupid,a mistake,fat.ugly,retarded,dumb *** etc.That's how my mom acts.In public she puts this fake act on.But in private.She is just hateful and evil.How do i handle my mom?How do i tell my Aunt i don't want to see her on Thanksgiving day?

[(JD)]

You can't please everyone. Don't try to. (((hugs)))

You don't tell her you don't want to see her. You also don't have to go see your mom.
You ARE an adult, and you don't have to play by the family rules anymore, you can have your own rules. Things like enjoying the holidays with people you do like.

If the only reason you're going is out of ... or.. wait, why are you going???

[UCLAFan]

Just so my mom stop's calling and nagging me.This women at times if i ignore her.Call 10 times in 1 day.

[Perna]

I wouldn't tell my aunt anything (unless she personally invites you, instead of just assuming you'll show up?) other than "I'm sorry, I already have other plans with some friends of mine" :-) I'd see, while at Thanksgiving if you can also hang out at the aunt's sister's for Christmas. To heck with the mother you don't like and who doesn't treat you either respectfully or even like she likes you. If she doesn't like you, I don't know where she gets off wanting you to come see her? Tell her you'd just be a "useless, stupid, mistaken, fat, ugly, retarded, dumb ***" blob if you came to see her so she shouldn't waste her time (or yours!).

[UCLAFan]

I think this might be my last time seeing my mom.Because i have had enough of her BS.She wants me to be like her or my sister.But both are very mean and hateful people.I learned from my mom and sister how not to treat people.Meaning they have hurt so many people and i try my best to not hurt others.

[AAAAA]

UCLAFan,

You're an adult, you don't have to answer to anyone but yourself. Like Perna said (and you are my hero Perna, always spot on advice) make your own plans, and if someone invites you, "I'm sorry I've got other plans."

You don't owe your mother anything. I suspect you hope each time you see her that this will be the time she learns to appreciate you and enjoy your company. If she hasn't yet, I don't think there's much hope for that. You sound like a kind and gentle soul, and some people just don't appreciate that.

Life is too short to try to please other people. You have to make decisions that are right, healthy and enjoyable for yourself. Surround yourself with people that are good and kind and leave the jerks behind whether they happen to be related or not. Look out for yourself, you're the only one that will.

[UCLAFan]

Thanks AAA. I did not go to My Aunt and Uncles for Thanksgiving.Went to her sisters house instead.No drama there.Drama free Thanksgiving for once.I hope my mom can behave herslf when i go see her for Christmas.But on the phone she is bugging me about dressing up when i come to visit.She thinks people that wear jeans are tacky.I am so greatful that i live IL and my mom lives in Texas.LOL But at times Texas is not far enough.

[sabby]

(((((((( UCLA )))))))))

I'm glad you had a stress free Thankgiving!! YAY!!

I get the impression that you feel some obligation to see your mom during Christmas. If you truly feel you must do that (even knowing how the visit will go for you) maybe you can make a Plan B. If (or when) things get too difficult and frustrating for you, you can have a plan to go somewhere else.

I truly hope that you are able to get through this time relatively unscathed. Be good to yourself for you are the one who has to live with yourself

Hugsss
sabby