[ashhooper]

Hey guys,

I'm kind of new here but I've cut back on my therapy sessions for money reasons and need some advice so thought I'd try it.

I'm an adult in my late twenties and I have a great relationship with my parents that has only become better over the last couple of years through my own journey in therapy. My parents have another couple they've been friends with for 15 or so years - they go on vacations together, hang out on the weekends, etc. My parents are extremely close to the other couple's children - they are invited to their birthday parties, office parties, weddings, etc. My mother even threw one of their daughters a baby shower. But, my brother and I have never really been invited along much. Whenever we have mentioned this to my parents, they have said they don't understand why we feel left out and that we are being overly dramatic but they did also start making it a point to include us a little more.

The last couple of times we hung out with this other couple, the woman has made comments that are just beyond inappropriate and down-right disrespectful. Years ago when I finally got a 9-5 job, she said "wow looks like you and your brother are finally getting it together".
My brother is a professional bartender and one night at my parent's house, she began saying she didn't understand why she should have to tip waiter and waitresses when her daughter went to college but doesn't make the same amount of money. It got heated to the point that my brother left.
A few months later, at dinner with this woman and my parents, she started lecturing me about the fact that though I lived on my own and paid all my bills, it was ridiculous that my parents still covered my health insurance (I was under the legal age for this and very grateful to my parents for their help).

My problem now is that my mother doesn't understand why I haven't forgiven this woman. My parents never addressed these situations and my brother and I do not want to be around this woman. However, more than that, I'm offended that my parents are even still friends with someone who is disrespectful to their children. I'm not sure how to approach this conversation. My parents both tell me that it's my problem and I'm being dramatic. My brother is now engaged and doesn't want this woman at his wedding but would never tell my parents that... does anyone have any advice on how to approach the situation?

[healingme4me]

It's really up to your future sister in law and her family to establish the limits on the invite list if her parents are contributing or for her and your brother to have that conversation with your parents.

I take the insurance comment to be more than just a point about you personally and it sounds more like a sentiment about "the change" that resounds with many. My dad held off on his divorce to drag it out past my half sister turning 26 because that too he viewed as a wiping of hands in money. I personally found it such an oddball age of demanded mandated coverage for a child. On one hand I get it, on the other hand....??

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by ashhooper

Hey guys,

I'm kind of new here but I've cut back on my therapy sessions for money reasons and need some advice so thought I'd try it.

I'm an adult in my late twenties and I have a great relationship with my parents that has only become better over the last couple of years through my own journey in therapy. My parents have another couple they've been friends with for 15 or so years - they go on vacations together, hang out on the weekends, etc. My parents are extremely close to the other couple's children - they are invited to their birthday parties, office parties, weddings, etc. My mother even threw one of their daughters a baby shower. But, my brother and I have never really been invited along much. Whenever we have mentioned this to my parents, they have said they don't understand why we feel left out and that we are being overly dramatic but they did also start making it a point to include us a little more.

The last couple of times we hung out with this other couple, the woman has made comments that are just beyond inappropriate and down-right disrespectful. Years ago when I finally got a 9-5 job, she said "wow looks like you and your brother are finally getting it together".
My brother is a professional bartender and one night at my parent's house, she began saying she didn't understand why she should have to tip waiter and waitresses when her daughter went to college but doesn't make the same amount of money. It got heated to the point that my brother left.
A few months later, at dinner with this woman and my parents, she started lecturing me about the fact that though I lived on my own and paid all my bills, it was ridiculous that my parents still covered my health insurance (I was under the legal age for this and very grateful to my parents for their help).

My problem now is that my mother doesn't understand why I haven't forgiven this woman. My parents never addressed these situations and my brother and I do not want to be around this woman. However, more than that, I'm offended that my parents are even still friends with someone who is disrespectful to their children. I'm not sure how to approach this conversation. My parents both tell me that it's my problem and I'm being dramatic. My brother is now engaged and doesn't want this woman at his wedding but would never tell my parents that... does anyone have any advice on how to approach the situation?

I would set down some boundaries and be blunt about the consequences start out by telling she can no longer come over if she plans to be rude. If she come over and refuse to leave call the police and have her remove.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by ashhooper

Hey guys,

I'm kind of new here but I've cut back on my therapy sessions for money reasons and need some advice so thought I'd try it.

I'm an adult in my late twenties and I have a great relationship with my parents that has only become better over the last couple of years through my own journey in therapy. My parents have another couple they've been friends with for 15 or so years - they go on vacations together, hang out on the weekends, etc. My parents are extremely close to the other couple's children - they are invited to their birthday parties, office parties, weddings, etc. My mother even threw one of their daughters a baby shower. But, my brother and I have never really been invited along much. Whenever we have mentioned this to my parents, they have said they don't understand why we feel left out and that we are being overly dramatic but they did also start making it a point to include us a little more.

The last couple of times we hung out with this other couple, the woman has made comments that are just beyond inappropriate and down-right disrespectful. Years ago when I finally got a 9-5 job, she said "wow looks like you and your brother are finally getting it together".
My brother is a professional bartender and one night at my parent's house, she began saying she didn't understand why she should have to tip waiter and waitresses when her daughter went to college but doesn't make the same amount of money. It got heated to the point that my brother left.
A few months later, at dinner with this woman and my parents, she started lecturing me about the fact that though I lived on my own and paid all my bills, it was ridiculous that my parents still covered my health insurance (I was under the legal age for this and very grateful to my parents for their help).

My problem now is that my mother doesn't understand why I haven't forgiven this woman. My parents never addressed these situations and my brother and I do not want to be around this woman. However, more than that, I'm offended that my parents are even still friends with someone who is disrespectful to their children. I'm not sure how to approach this conversation. My parents both tell me that it's my problem and I'm being dramatic. My brother is now engaged and doesn't want this woman at his wedding but would never tell my parents that... does anyone have any advice on how to approach the situation?

Tel her bluntly that it is really none of her business what you do on your life. Have your brother informed them that he would love to invite them to his wedding but because they couldn't stop being rude and hateful They are not invited.

[TishaBuv]

People can say such rude, stupid things and not even be conscious of how bad it was.

My parents have a good friend who said, when I was 26 and single, that I should start telling people I was divorced as not to look like an old maid. Who even thinks something like that???

I think, to make your life easier, just accept they are your parents ignorant friends and try to be civil when in their company. Sit on the other side of the room and hope they don’t get close enough to say anything else hurtful to you.

Your brother is probably best off also inviting them to the wedding. No drama, no stress. Hopefully they’ll give a nice gift. Keep a distance and don’t give them the microphone to get videod making a rude comment, lol!