[Stuck1nhead]

So I do love my girlfriend, but she’s not fulfilling my need for intimacy. The most intimate we get nowadays is holding hands and that’s just not enough. She won’t even kiss me anymore. She says that she still loves me but she doesn’t show it that much. She is supportive in my choices and there when I need her.

I’m not saying those aren’t enough but I need romance and the feeling of being desirable. I know it’s a bit selfish of me to think that it’s a requirement for ones partner to remain romantic. But she is becoming more like a good family member than my girlfriend.

I’ve been with her for almost two years now and despite me bringing up the issue numerous times it will only get better for a week or two before the old ways return.

[eskielover]

Leave her. Don't play games cheating though you are probably thinking that cheating will make her mad & want to leave you so you don't have to be the one who leaves her.

That is still messy. Just be HONEST. You might as well end the relationship with honesty rather than leaving her wonder why you cheated.

Yes, yiu can say you love someone just because yiu are in a relatiknship & feel you should say it. Honestly if she is not feeling intimate toward you & this has been going on for some time.....there is probably a real reaon on her part & maybe she just doesn't know how to express what is bothering her. I have been there done that too in my marriage. It NEVER got better either but I don't believe in cheating. Either break it off or live with it.

[Ylba]

I agree. Leave, don't cheat.

[s4ndm4n2006]

dont' cheat but keep in mind that if you have expectations that romance will remain a burning ball of fire in a long term relationship, this will almost certainly happen again. What I mean is romantic highs of early relationships do fade, every single, time. to expect the same levels of intimacy as a static and constant thing is unreasonable and unrealistic and if you leave this one I suggest you reassess your expecations before you find another.

[Stuck1nhead]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

dont' cheat but keep in mind that if you have expectations that romance will remain a burning ball of fire in a long term relationship, this will almost certainly happen again. What I mean is romantic highs of early relationships do fade, every single, time. to expect the same levels of intimacy as a static and constant thing is unreasonable and unrealistic and if you leave this one I suggest you reassess your expecations before you find another.

Things were never that passionate to begin with. She had a hard time being romantic from the beginning.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

Things were never that passionate to begin with. She had a hard time being romantic from the beginning.

ahh ok thanks for elaborating on that Maybe you should have let go sooner but that's in the past now. going forward just make sure you don't cheat, as that is unfair to her. just because she doesn't have the level of passion you want, I'm guessing you dont' exactly hate her either. So it's only fair she is let off the hook and not deceived by you cheating. Plus easier on you, not having to play two sides kind of thing which can never be fun.

[Deejay14]

Leave her if you must...but not without explanation. Have you talked with her about this previously? If you haven't, talk with her and see if this can be remedied. Relationships of every kind sometimes involve compromise. This is especially true when married. Do not cheat!

[Stuck1nhead]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

ahh ok thanks for elaborating on that Maybe you should have let go sooner but that's in the past now. going forward just make sure you don't cheat, as that is unfair to her. just because she doesn't have the level of passion you want, I'm guessing you dont' exactly hate her either. So it's only fair she is let off the hook and not deceived by you cheating. Plus easier on you, not having to play two sides kind of thing which can never be fun.

I don’t hate her. In fact I love her to death. But I’m unsure if it’s a romantic love.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

I don’t hate her. In fact I love her to death. But I’m unsure if it’s a romantic love.

You are the only one capable of determining what your feelings are. Yiu have some serious thinking to do because relationships are not about just going out & getting the missing aspect filled by someone else. That is not a relationship & definitely NOT one where there is love.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

I don’t hate her. In fact I love her to death. But I’m unsure if it’s a romantic love.

so if you look at this, it becomes more about your feelings. if you're honest, this is what your considering leaving has more to do with. if you're not sure if you're attracted to your mate in a way that conjures up passion and romance, then its understandable why you might be questioning the relationship. But let's take it as it is, more so than how passionate she is, this is about you being unsure of how you feel anymore.

on the one hand if you care about her in a real loving way, in a way that makes you want to take care of her (love her) then the feelings are secondary. They do, with all of us, come and go somewhat, not completely dissipating but like the ebb and flow of the tides... it's not always going to be passionate and on fire. It's these times that count for the most in a relationship. when your passion is waning and you're unsure how you feel. Is she the one you would stick around for in spite of that or is that a defining moment for when it's time to leave? Your decision but just remember in every relationship this will be a factor.

[Bill3]

In fact I love her to death. But I’m unsure if it’s a romantic love.

What makes you unsure about this?

I wonder if she has spoken with, or would be willing to speak with a mental health professional. It is possible that there are physical and/or mental health reasons for her lack of desire. If so, these can be addressed in many cases by a doctor and/or via therapy.

[Molinit]

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

Things were never that passionate to begin with. She had a hard time being romantic from the beginning.

It's not going to change. If you need more, then you should leave her. She can find someone more suited to her needs and you can find someone suited to provide yours.

[divine1966]

She perhaps just doesn’t feel this way about you but for wfarecer reason wouldn’t leave. Not feeling romantic with someone doesn’t mean there is something wrong with the person. Person just doesn’t feel this way with you.

I don’t know why she isn’t leaving but I don’t understand why you aren’t leaving either. Considering cheating? Why not just leave?

[Erebos]

It is perfectly reasonable to wAnt intimacy inside of a relationship like this.
However she is also well within her rights to not want to.
The fact that she doesn't suggests there is something going on for her she isn't able to address with you, or just now.
If no sex is a deal breaker...It probably would be for a large number of people, then you need to walk away.

Cheating is entirely unnecessary.

It would be a far better option to just cut her loose.

It sounds as though this relationship has just run it's course. Some do, they don't need to end because of some drama. Sometimes we just out grow the relationship and there's no place left to go and it's time to call it a day.

[Bill3]

She says that she still loves me but she doesn’t show it that much. She is supportive in my choices and there when I need her.

Given the above, I still maintain that the possibility of a clinical issue is quite real and should be considered seriously before deciding to end the relationship.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Given the above, I still maintain that the possibility of a clinical issue is quite real and should be considered seriously before deciding to end the relationship.

She wasn’t that romantic to begin with and now is even less affectionate with OP. There wasn’t much passion in the beginning either.

Why does it have to be a clinical issue?

[Bill3]

The fact that she wasn’t romantic in the beginning is completely consistent with there being a clinical issue. She might have a longstanding clinical issue.

There doesn't “have to be” a clinical issue. Maybe there isn’t. But when a partner in a new or relatively new relationship expresses love in multiple ways, but not sexually, and not even by kissing, the presence of a clinical problem is a logical possibility that, in my view, is important to investigate.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Bill3

The fact that she wasn’t romantic in the beginning is completely consistent with there being a clinical issue. She might have a longstanding clinical issue.

There doesn't “have to be” a clinical issue. Maybe there isn’t. But when a partner in a new or relatively new relationship expresses love in multiple ways, but not sexually, and not even by kissing, the presence of a clinical problem is a logical possibility that, in my view, is important to investigate.

true but it begs the question, is the clinical issue only on her side? In order to commit to someone that from the beginning has shown no romance kind of says something about both sides doesn't it? Why did these two commit to a gf/bf situation?

not questioning your feelings for her but I do believe, OP, that this is a question you might want to ask yourself too.

[Bill3]

[Albatross2008]

If it's come to the point where it's either leave or cheat, I'd say leave.

[lady411]

Leaving is a much better option than cheating. But do have a serious talk about it with her. If you care about her add much as you say you do, it's the least you can do. It helps with finding closure as well.

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

Things were never that passionate to begin with. She had a hard time being romantic from the beginning.

So why if you KNEW you needed passion did you get involved with her in the first place....all of a sudden it matters?

[Stuck1nhead]

Originally Posted by eskielover

So why if you KNEW you needed passion did you get involved with her in the first place....all of a sudden it matters?

Too me it does now.

Had a serious talk with her and we reached what I believe is a good compromise between us. I’m going to set realistic ideals for her and she’s going to quit being so distant.

[eskielover]

Glad you talked it over. Communication about issues that come up is important in EVERY relationship

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Stuck1nhead

So I do love my girlfriend, but she’s not fulfilling my need for intimacy. The most intimate we get nowadays is holding hands and that’s just not enough. She won’t even kiss me anymore. She says that she still loves me but she doesn’t show it that much. She is supportive in my choices and there when I need her.

I’m not saying those aren’t enough but I need romance and the feeling of being desirable. I know it’s a bit selfish of me to think that it’s a requirement for ones partner to remain romantic. But she is becoming more like a good family member than my girlfriend.

I’ve been with her for almost two years now and despite me bringing up the issue numerous times it will only get better for a week or two before the old ways return.

Cheating can do more harm than good. It hurt this person in more ways than one emotionally. It can cause her to question herself further down the line. Once a cheater always a cheater perhaps she doesn't realize how this is affecting you. Maybe something happen to get in the past. Have you thought about going to a therapy session with her to see if it will spice up things. What not just exp!ain to her it not working out and it hasn't been for awhile.