Preface: I just need to get this out, but I would appreciate others thoughts and support (If you can think of anything to say to this).

I'm not sure where to start. I'm thinking about sex and men. I started taking a language class at a local cultural home. It's for a certain country / culture, but I'm not comfortable disclosing that. Anyway, I like my class. I like the teacher. I like my classmate. There's so far only one other classmate. He's a male, maybe in his 60s. Anyway, there's a bar downstairs, and the teacher told me that the students are allowed to have beer in class. She mentioned some people get nervous and drinking helps. Idk. I just find this strange. I don't think I know that much about this place (not in a bad way...idk). There's a bar downstairs. People get together and drink. I thought I was signing up for language class. Not drinking and language class. I just wanted to honor my heritage and learn the language. I don't drink at all, by the way.

Anyway...on the first day of class, my male classmate, and my teacher, told me that signing up to be a member of this place would be more economical for me. They were right and so I did. I had to go down to the bar today, and give them payment for my membership, and my guy classmate came with me. Actually, the teacher asked him, as well, to make sure I got it. I felt sort of silly about that but at the same time, I was really nervous. I do not go to bars like ever. He introduced me to a few men he knew sitting at the bar. Social anxiety nightmare. I was so ready to leave after I gave my payment. I was worried I was being rude / abrupt with the bartender, who I had to give my payment to. But I was uncomfortable. But ended up waiting for my card, and also started speaking with my male classmate.

He is very nice. He said that if I have any questions, that he's always available. I think he meant about our class. At the beginning of class, he offered to get me a drink or soda or something. I wasn't sure if he was going to pay. I said no thank you. I'm not sure if he is just being friendly, or wants to be friends, or would like, want more. I have no idea what I'd want either. So it doesn't really matter. I see he does not have a ring on his finger though.

I think the main thing here, is that I felt disoriented a bit today, and anxious. Not like the other 2 times we had class.

I will probably stand back and wait to see if I become more comfortable. I sort of feel like running but I already paid for the class. I will also ask the instructor what kind of things they do at this place besides drink at the bar.

When I came home, I was thinking about sex. Not with my classmate, but with someone else. I think it was just from the energy of being in a bar and talking to a man maybe. And I thought about immediately going back on OkC and POF. But I waited because I had my internet blocker on. Well, guess what? The feeling faded. And I'm glad. I've never enjoyed being on those sites.

Something I found soothing, was looking up embroidery classes in my area. It was completely unrelated to my language class, which I'm glad for, and I miss / enjoy art. It felt like coming home.

[Bill3]

Great job stepping back and allowing the OkC/POF feeling to fade!

[MickeyCheeky]

Perhaps you just need some more time to get comfortable. Try a few more lessons

Bill - thank you! Yes, my internet blocker app (Freedom.to) REALLY comes in handy! It was also kind of neat to see (my feelings fade, and logic kick in).

Mickey - thank you! Yes, I agree. I will keep going to class.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi. Maybe if you could hang out in the bar from time to time - you could drink coke - then I'm pretty sure it would just be a matter of time before some good looking guy comes over and starts hitting on you for a roll in the hay. That's if you could handle hanging out in a bar for x-amount of time.

Anyway, we all have our needs so that's completely understandable.

Good on you for keeping yourself busy and doing courses etc., as well.

Thanks Mote.