[ajisalone]

I don’t like myself or my attitude towards others. I especially have trouble with family. For a long time, I’ve dreamt of running away and never speaking to my family again. That would be justified except they’ve done nothing bad to me and they seem to care. However, I don’t wanns be associated with them for some reason. It’s always been like that. I hate having to rely on them at all. Even asking for the smallest of things make me feel incapable.

I’m pretty much an asshole to my grandmother. . She is the person who raised me. I’m sure deep down I feel bad but while talking to her it just seems like i lack any empathy. We argued constantly at home and every time she calls now we argue. Except those rare ocassions where I’m in a good mood.

[bunnyhabit]

congratulations on your recognition of your failures. Hope you are working on with your shrink.

[ajisalone]

Originally Posted by bunnyhabit

congratulations on your recognition of your failures. Hope you are working on with your shrink.

Thanks but I don’t have one.

[Aviza]

Well I'm kind but don't feel like a good person either. I used to think I was a good person. But my poor decisions make me realize not so much. Nothing I dwell on though.

[Bill3]

It sounds like you have had a number of adverse experiences in your childhood. Certainly having a parent incarcerated is an extremely adverse experience. Perhaps you have had others? Here is a reliable resource for looking at that:

About the CDC-Kaiser ACE Study <B>Error processing SSI file</B><BR>

Adverse experiences in childhood affect self-esteem, mood, and behavior. You were wise to look into theraoy. Are you seeing a therapist regularly?

None of this makes you a bad person. We all have our flaws and struggles. What I hear from your post is that you are unhappy with your choices and perhaps want to change. It's absolutely possible. I would recommend a therapist. If you cant get one, write a manageable list, in small chunks of what you would like to change.

[BadWolfC]

No one is perfect... I had similar issues when I was younger. I always felt distant from my family, and I used to feel bad about it until I figured out why I felt like that. I don't want to assume anything, but maybe there's a reason you feel that way.