Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?

Do you guys meet up in person regularly?
I'm just curious because...

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This makes perfect sense.
I wonder if this is why it's easier to find and maintain opposite-sex friendships online?

I'm the opposite - I have a lot of male friends that I didn't mind hanging out alone and my boyfriend didn't like that. He explained to me that he would not just go and hang out with another girl alone, that no matter how much I would deny it I wouldn't like it if he actually did that to me. He also said that if he does need to go see them, we can go together and if they don't like that then he shouldn't go either because that's not a true friend.

I have been using this guideline ever since and if I want to go hang out with a guy friend I always bring him with me. & We never fought again over this issue.

I'm not a presumptuous bi*ch... I don't just assume people are into me just because they are nice to me. But when they do make certain comments, I try to curve them. It's usually subtle, but they aren't dumb; they usually know exactly where they stand.

But don't worry - we have had this talk before years ago. I told him I didn't see him as anything more than a friend, that he was like my brother to me. He didn't speak to me for a few months then came back apologizing for his actions. My dilemma here is that he is a good friend of mine and that it's not someone I just met that I can cut off without thinking twice about it.

We had another conversation after I posted this. He said he understands but has not spoken to me since. And I think I'll be very skeptical next time he reaches out to me. It sucks... but it is what it is.

Why should he be your friend if he does not want to. Lots of women want "friends" to tell their problems to but the guys are not good enough to date.

I asked someone out and she said she did not have those [romantic] feelings for me but she wanted to be my friend very much as she enjoyed listening to my interests in several things and talking about them I told her I did not have those [friendship] feelings for her and did not see her in that way. So why should I be her friend? her cry on my shoulder her free therapist? In other words be used. she had no answer to that

And the guy is not obligated to be friends with anyone either and has every right to deal with it as he sees fit including stopping communicating.

Why anyone would want to be friends with someone he finds attractive is a puzzle to me as is why anyone would want to be friends with someone else's girlfriend or wife. If they want friends they should join the girl guides

Little-known fact: It's the guys who listen to women's problems who end up thick in the warm.

Google it.

wouldn't believe that unless it is when she has no one else left. i certainly wouldn't waste my time on friendship and hope of being the last in line of an increasingly easy woman, although my ex told me she gets people to cut her garden by smiling at them

I forgot to say guys should not be classed as immature if they do not want to be friends unless girls are classed as immature if they do not want to date

There have been men that I wanted to be only friends with but they always ended up wanting more...you know what I mean.

If either one or both finds the other attractive and interesting, they can be ‘just friends’ meaning it doesn’t develop into anything, but there are thoughts happening and it could develop into more.

I've had friends in the past and they were great, none of them wanted anything more. If they did, I would often tell them that I only saw them as a friend and nothing more than that. For awhile they took it to heart, but eventually they came back and we went back to socializing. If you don't feel chemistry with someone, it's always best to be honest.

I think they can, but my H doesn't, He thinks men are only after one thing,

and he is a man so...

I forgot to say when she said we could still be friends and she wanted that i told her not interested but we could still be lovers.

I cannot find it vnow there was a thread about people wanting to have dibnner with someone elses partner or some married man or woman wanting to have dinner with a co worker and if one would object. I cannot understand why one would want to do that.

I went to a training course and some woman who was soon to be wed complained me because i would not speak to her. She first said it to me when i avoided her at break. i said i was not interested in her and had only gone there to study [it means more money]and that i do not ever involve myself with other people's partners. She thought she had some right to speak to me about her problems lol

Kudos to you for being honest to yourself and to women. You don’t want to be friend zoned by a woman you are attracted to. You want a romantic relationship. Just keep trying until a woman feels mutually toward you. I know rejection hurts and I detect some hostility from you aimed towards these women who reject and then offer you a friend zone. It’s healthiest for you to just smile and not call them anymore while you keep on looking for love.

I don't call them and dont talk to any neighbour who would offer me friendship. There are a couple who seem to want people to talk to when bored during the day. I won't be that person. I would tell anyone from day one if i am attracted i won't be friend zoned. I have a righ to ask them out. They have a right to refuse but do not have a right to demand friendship.

The person who complained me was laughed at. My scores showed my interest and she was told no one could tell me what to do at break time.

Thanks for your reply

usually only on one side though, that is the problem

With patience and some introspection into the impression you are making, you’ll find her. There are possibly many women today who automatically say ‘friends first’. But when they say ‘I don’t reciprocate those feelings’, I agree there’s nothing other than friendship there.

Thanks. i was not speaking about me there though but that in general when they try to be friends and it does not work it is usually only one side that wants more. And that is the problem. if both sides developed feelings it would be Ok

Can you only edit here for a short time?

Women don't just have "problems" to talk about..

But I agree with Lefty Seven -
I think most men who have happy gf/wives are good listeners. Belittling the "problems," thinking 'oh there she goes again, I'm gonna tune out' is gross and unattractive; who would want to be friends or be in a relationship with someone with that kind of mentality?

Then we all have to remember that we are made of energy and our negativity can be contagious. Nobody wants to be around someone that whines and complains (especially about their significant other) all the time.

i don't want to be around any woman who is involved with someone else any of the time. Not interested in any part of their lives or their 'friendship'. If they want friends they can join the girl guides

Even if you found her very magnetic and respectable (whether at work or at a social event or through friends-friend) as a person, you wouldn't want anything to do with her if she isn't single?

Why would anyone want to narrow their door of opportunities like that?
Why would anyone reject love like that just because it's purely platonic?
You can find someone attractive without being attracted to them.

What disturbs me is the thought of a man not wanting to have any women around that they can't possibly f ck.
The fact that someone doesn't crave a deeper connection than just the physical level.
We are human, before we are women and men. Men, women, whatever the hell you are, we should be able to see someone beyond our mere body parts.

I'm hurt because someone I thought was my friend for a long time, turns out he wasn't - he was faking his kindness and support hoping he can get in my pants that way - when I was sincerely sharing my feelings and thoughts and experiences with another human being, thinking he was on the same page.

I get it, nobody owes anybody anything. People come, people go, I guess that's the way it is.
It depresses the crap out of me though.
How everyone talks about how lonely they are. How they'd want somebody to hold at night but in the morning they all pretend they're fine as if they like being alone. Like they have something important to do. Like they'd rather have someone to have drunk sex with and fall asleep instead of staying up to talk about their insecurities and aspirations and childhood memories. Like we aren't all sad and afraid. I'm sick of having shallow relationships with shallow people.

you see what you got by seeking someone attractive without being attracted to them.You'd never get that with me.
it is not love it is using people. i am speaking from where i am. you saw your friend and what he really wanted. I have had women try to be 'friends' because they were faking. Like your faking friend women have ulterior motives too. They can f*** who they like they are not my 'friend'

The truth really lies somewhere in the middle. The guy who was your friend hanging in with hopes you’d grow to want him did honestly like you for who you are. The people who aren’t sure, don’t feel attracted, are just users, sometimes they are sincere good people and they do have a change of heart and sometimes they don’t.

I can find my girlfriends and guyfriends attractive without being attracted to them.
Because I like them as a human being. (surprise!)

I just like talking, listening to music. Drinking a few shots, smoking a blunt, playing games. I purely enjoy their energy, ideas and company. I like having that connection. I like being myself and feeling free with other people. It has nothing to do with gender, or whether I can have sex with them or not, or whether I will get something in return.

The only time it would matter to me if a woman and potential friend is married is if I were looking specifically for a date and romantic relationship. One can be a friend with the opposite sex without being a "user" and I can't even state how far out in left field that statement even is. Using for what? Companionship and camaraderie that comes with friendship? Because the male or female isn't after the other one romantically the only other option is to use them somehow? That's a rather simplistic and very cynical point of view.

free counsellor to tell problems to
someone to go out for cofee with when bore and who they want is not around
to do odd jobs as my ex said smile and the grass is cut