Handling PDA and Pressure to Date

My recent pet peeve at my college as a single person is watching seemingly happy couples show off how great they are through public displays of affection (PDA). While none of it is too disgusting, there seems to be an annoying expectation at my uni for people to couple up to be respected and follow traditions, which are numerous at my college. A famous tradition is to “score one with a date when the team scores”, while outside football games I am pressured directly by friends and indirectly by societal expectations at my uni to find a date to pretty much do everything with, school, life, all of its bells and whistles. People’s PDA used to make me feel like a pathetic loser for being single, but after doing counseling for a year and a half, remembering how my parents didn’t even really date/marry until their early 30s, and keeping myself occupied with school and hobbies (hiking, concerts, spending an abundance of time with besties and family) I love the freedom and independence that comes with being single. So now the pressure is gone to find a relationship, which I really don’t have the time and energy for at this point in time. Though I no longer feel like romance equals happiness, I still get quite irritated when people flaunt PDA and romantic things in person or social media because as stated, collegiate society here seems to put couples on a pedestal, while women whom I have fancied but currently coupled also seem to happily rub in my face that they are taken and there’s nothing I can do about it. But now the aggravation stems from me trying to enjoy my single life without being pressured or questioned. I still feel like a fish out of water because in my part of the states people are more chill about PDA's, while I get pretty uncomfortable with such activity. Guess I could move to Europe or Canada, where I can find more people who feel the same way about PDAs.

What should I do to not get so chapped with couples and PDA’s? How can I ignore the pressure imposed by society to couple up? I really appreciate you guys here on PC.

I'll be frank here, people do not show affection to shame, ridicule or make anyone uncomfortable in almost all cases, meaning sure there may be a very rare couple that actually thinks this way but as a norm or average they do it because they enjoy that they are in the relationship they are in, they are proud of it and show it publicly because honestly they don't care how you think or feel about "PDA" I know no one that ever got in a relationship to score points in high school, college or anywhere, but connected with someone because it's what they wanted.

Society, honestly is not imposing any rules on you, but internally you feel that it is, this is a fabricated idea. You can say you feel that you're pressured by friends but without context and actual events telling me how people pressure you to be involved with someone, it's hard to analyze.

Can you explain your perspective on why you think that in Uni/College that you are "expected" and or pressured to be in a relationship or is it just that many people are and you feel that you don't fit in because you are single?

Be happy and at peace with yourself and your situation. Likely others are ambivalent or indifferent to what your situation is for the most part. Strangers for the most part are oblivious to how their behavior is affecting you. try to recognize that people that are in relationships that are good and working are going to be happy with it and display this wherever they are. I know I would if I was with a woman I loved and out in public. As a typical guy, I like people to know "this is my lady" when I'm out and about and it's not ever about making others feel small, out of place or shamed. It's just about displaying that "hey I'm here, this is my woman and I'm happy"

Hi Sandman,

I am glad to have you to give me a reality check. I am going to college in the southern U.S. where more conservative values are present, mainly which includes the old-fashioned pressure to date and marry up as soon as possible. Since I am single by both choice and by failure to connect with women thus far I have also been brainwashed by sources for dating advice that seem to further lay on the pressure. I have stopped hanging out with various social organizations at my uni because I felt excluded for being one of the few singles in my group. But people in these groups have actually shamed me in the past for not coupling up like people have already done or are trying to do. Talk about pouring salt on the wound. Thankfully, I have found several other besties who are single that feel the same way I do.

Exactly what I would recommend *edit*(that you find other friends that won't pressure you)* . Who cares what others think or whether you're in conservative or liberal country. When it comes to personal choice matters societal mores outside of things being immoral or illegal are none of society's business. Besides in every culture there may be a bit of emphasis on families which is good on the whole for society but individually there is always a good number of singles that enjoy just that, even if temporarily. That is, enjoying being single. Take care of you, first or nothing else matters. Work too hard to fit in but sacrifice your own actual goals and desires and that only gets you a life of unhappiness brought on by the feeling of obligation to things you do not want.

You're not brainwashed tho. You wouldn't be here questioning things and asking about others' opinions and accepting what I'd previously said if you were you can still think for yourself you just need to stand up and assert this.

Good luck