[ajphoto]

I'll admit that I have bipolar disorder and I am willingly off of my medication right now. I'm working at a naturopathic Docs office and it's a struggle to hear about toxins all day and not worry about what you're putting in your body. That being said. I am ALL FOR medication. I think they're vital and necessary for some people. I guess I just hoped I wasn't one of them. I struggle with accepting my diagnosis a little. Anyway, it's been a few months. No Mania, no severe crippling depression which is pretty much my norm. I thought I was doing ok. It gave me hope that maybe I don't need the meds. But I find myself really really stressed lately. I'm struggling to get anything done after work because the weight of my daily stress is so much that I'm exhausted by the time I get home. I've been smoking marijuana to help me sleep. Like... every night. It's the only bit of escape or joy I get in my day to be honest. My close friendships are a little strained right now so I'm probably not being accountable for maintaining my mental health at the moment. Then there is my relationship. I'm dating this GREAT guy. He's smart, has a good job, is STUPID attractive, and he's pretty nice to me. He's not perfect. He's not very verbal with his affection and I struggle with that. I tend to need a little more encouragement and uplifting than the average bear. I'm starting to worry about if I'm really happy in this relationship. I wonder if we have a good foundation of friendship when we don't really enjoy the same things. We don't have a lot of fun together. I find myself not wanting to be around him as much... or feeling imposed upon when he's around. I don't feel understood or accepted by him. I have a difficult time discussing deep issues with him. He's not someone I feel I can go to when I'm having a hard time. Compassion isn't his strong suit. All this being said, I'm mature enough to know that relationships aren't all sunshine and daisies. There is a lot about this relationship that's good and I don't want to ruin a good thing. I wonder how much my depression and anxiety could be playing a role in me pushing him away. I also just simply suck at relationships so it's quite likely that I'm the problem. Anyone care to help me unravel this mess?

[Skeezyks]

Hello ajphoto: I see this is your first post here on PC although you're apparently an 8 year member. So... a belated welcome to PsychCentral.

I'm sorry I don't think I am the member to try to help you sort this out. From my perspective, there are simply too many variables at play here for it to be possible to sort through them all here. (Perhaps there will be other members who will feel able to take a shot at it.) My thinking would be that a concern such as this would be something that would be best delved into, at-length & in-depth, with the help of a counselor or mental health therapist. There are a lot of things to be considered.

In the meantime, here are links to 9 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of bipolar disorder as well as various aspects of living with it day-to-day. Perhaps you may find some of the answers to your concern within these articles:

Bipolar Disorder - What is it? Can it be treated?

Women and Bipolar Disorder

In-Depth: Living with Bipolar Disorder

10 Small Steps You Can Take Today to Improve Bipolar Disorder

The 4 Keys to Managing Bipolar Disorder

https://psychcentral.com/lib/buildin...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/bipolar...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/the-bi...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/4-of-th...olar-disorder/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

You have a long list of negatives about this guy and your lack of compatibility. Where are you compatible? And what makes it a great relationship you want to hold onto? That list of negatives sure makes it seem like you're not compatible whatsoever, so I am curious what it is that is so good. At the root of a good relationship is feeling understood AND accepted by the other person.