[LiteraryLark]

This morning she called me saying she lost her wallet and was so mad she threw her keys and broke the clicker for her car and bent the key for her car. She called me a little later telling me she still couldn't find it but "oh well", then I called her to check in on her and she got cut off by another phone call. I was getting ready for dinner when I saw her buzzing, ignored it, then saw she called four times. I called back and said, "Did you seriously call me 4 times in a row?" and she said, "You know what, I can't deal with your attitude" and hung up on me. She texted me saying, "You shouldn't have given me attitude, if you didn't want to answer you should have ignored my calls" and I replied with "I wasn't giving you attitude, I have phobias when it comes to overcalling/overtexting" and she replied with "We talk all the time, get over it" and I said, "I'll give you some space so you can cool down" and she replied, "It's okay, I'm cool, no reason to be upset."

I left it at that.

What the heck? She's not normally like that. She was only like that once around me, she was having some party and things weren't going her way and she was snippy with everyone, but she's never been so mean to me like that before. It was so weird. I am getting tired of daily phone calls, it tends to be one sided, but after that I don't think I have the guts to tell her to back off on the phone calls.

She needs to respect your space. You don't need to interrupt your dinner to answer her calls. If you don't feel comfortable telling her directly to back off, tell her that you are busy or have something else going on that you will not be able to respond. For example:

"I'm starting xyz soon and will not be available as before." Inform her ahead of time and force her to change her expectation, then...here comes the most important part...

..stick to it!

Don't answer her calls as before and take longer time to return calls. Make her adapt to this change. She's only calling you this much because she knows she can get away with it. Don't continue to be her target. Otherwise, she will continue to push boundaries.

[Bill3]

It sounds like she had a super rough day: lost wallet, so frustrated she threw stuff, broken clicker, potentially ruined car key.

What the heck? She's not normally like that.

Maybe she was like that today because of the many significant bad events she experienced.

Sounds like she was having a really a rough day. Try not to internalize it. It was not about you at all-it was about her behavior. I just wouldn’t feed that behavior from her if it happens again. I would simply acknowledge the situation and back away. “ Hey, I know this was a bad day for you but I did not cause this to happen to you and will not let myself be on the receiving end of your attitude. We can talk when you are more calm.” Then just don’t answer her text or calls until you see an apology and clear message that the attitude has shifted and she’s feeling better.

I do this to my husband, parents and friends. And it works because when you get wrapped up in another persons negativity they feed off that and it ends up not being healthy for either party.

[MickeyCheeky]

I agree, it's possible it was just a bad day. See how it goes in the following days, and try not to take it too personally

[HelloWorld18]

I think you’re reading too much into it, if she were like this constantly then it’s a problem but you said she isn’t. Probably just an off day she’s having and is taking it out on you.

[healingme4me]

I think it was good for you to speak up and say that about seriously calling 4 times in a row. Granted she hung up and used the word attitude. I wouldn't take too much stalk in her using that word as it was probably a momentary word projection. The hanging up to me symbolizes the notion that it's you who "hangs up" by not tolerating such moments if that makes sense? It was your boundary. As in don't call me 4 times in a row. Without directly expressing it.

I agree sounds like she's having a bad day. When it's calm perhaps ask what's really bothering her-not the lost wallet, not the keys. That is, if you choose to and want to.

[LiteraryLark]

I talked to my friend today. She said she had a really bad panic attack yesterday because she couldn't find her wallet and because she broke her car keys. She found her wallet and her key still works, and said she is feeling much better and that she felt terrible for the way she acted. We spent about 40 minutes going on back and forth rants about boys and romance and school and work and flaky friends. So she is back to her normal self and we are both on good terms with each other. I told her I cherished our friendship and she means the world to me.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by LiteraryLark

This morning she called me saying she lost her wallet and was so mad she threw her keys and broke the clicker for her car and bent the key for her car. She called me a little later telling me she still couldn't find it but "oh well", then I called her to check in on her and she got cut off by another phone call. I was getting ready for dinner when I saw her buzzing, ignored it, then saw she called four times. I called back and said, "Did you seriously call me 4 times in a row?" and she said, "You know what, I can't deal with your attitude" and hung up on me. She texted me saying, "You shouldn't have given me attitude, if you didn't want to answer you should have ignored my calls" and I replied with "I wasn't giving you attitude, I have phobias when it comes to overcalling/overtexting" and she replied with "We talk all the time, get over it" and I said, "I'll give you some space so you can cool down" and she replied, "It's okay, I'm cool, no reason to be upset."

I left it at that.

What the heck? She's not normally like that. She was only like that once around me, she was having some party and things weren't going her way and she was snippy with everyone, but she's never been so mean to me like that before. It was so weird. I am getting tired of daily phone calls, it tends to be one sided, but after that I don't think I have the guts to tell her to back off on the phone calls.

It sound like she is not a good friend for you. You put up some boundaries and we is crossing the boundaries. Have someone else explain that she need to reconsider how she talk to you on the phone and how often she calls and if she can't respect rose boundaries block all of her communications. Maybe she doesn't realize that this is harrassment.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by ennie

She needs to respect your space. You don't need to interrupt your dinner to answer her calls. If you don't feel comfortable telling her directly to back off, tell her that you are busy or have something else going on that you will not be able to respond. For example:

"I'm starting xyz soon and will not be available as before." Inform her ahead of time and force her to change her expectation, then...here comes the most important part...

..stick to it!

Don't answer her calls as before and take longer time to return calls. Make her adapt to this change. She's only calling you this much because she knows she can get away with it. Don't continue to be her target. Otherwise, she will continue to push boundaries.

I agree!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Bill3

It sounds like she had a super rough day: lost wallet, so frustrated she threw stuff, broken clicker, potentially ruined car key.


Maybe she was like that today because of the many significant bad events she experienced.

That true! I wish that I had thought about that myself!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by ColorOutsideTheLine

Sounds like she was having a really a rough day. Try not to internalize it. It was not about you at all-it was about her behavior. I just wouldn’t feed that behavior from her if it happens again. I would simply acknowledge the situation and back away. “ Hey, I know this was a bad day for you but I did not cause this to happen to you and will not let myself be on the receiving end of your attitude. We can talk when you are more calm.” Then just don’t answer her text or calls until you see an apology and clear message that the attitude has shifted and she’s feeling better.

I do this to my husband, parents and friends. And it works because when you get wrapped up in another persons negativity they feed off that and it ends up not being healthy for either party.

That great advice!