[Semime]

Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right forum to post to, but I'm in desperate need of advice and help. I have recently acquired a stepdaughter. I'm new to this whole stepmothering thing, and something has really been getting to me, and I don't know how to deal with it. So, to start off, here's a tiny bit of background info. My boyfriend is 38. He has 2 kids. A daughter (16) and a son (14). I am 22, and have no children of my own. We have been together for 5 years and 6 months. Okay, so, as I stated in my title, I'm a little bit crazy. And super insanely insecure. I haven't acted on the feelings/concerns I've had about my partners daughter, because I'm trying to not let my crazy get to me.. But it's getting hard. My boyfriend hadn't seen his children for a few years before me and him had even met. I was sick of seeing him in pain and hurting so much, so I searched for his daughter. I found her on facebook and reached out to her and got her in contact with her father. This happened about a year and a half ago. At first, things were great. Then my insecurities got in the way, and screwed with my head. We went through some stuff, and I'm learning to deal with my mental problems. But I've been noticing some strange things, and I'm not sure if it's just my insecurities making me crazy again, or if I should be worried. So, his daughter seems to be OBSESSED with him. She will insist on putting on his dirtiest, smelliest, shirt/jacket, she'll bury her head in said shirt/jacket, take a deep breath through her nose, smelling it, then she'll pull her head out, with the weirdest smile on her face. She insists on walking next to him, and holding his hand while we're out in public. She pretty much sits in his lap, all day, and gets all mean and whiney when we want to go to bed. When she visits while I'm working, I'll come home and they're sitting in my room, on my bed. Right next to each other. She constantly brags to him about her sexual 'prowess' and exploits. Bragging about how she's got no gag reflex, and how she likes the feeling and taste of... Well, you can see where that sentence is going, right? She always tells him ways I can 'please him better'. Things like that. This is really screwing with me, and I don't know what to do. I feel like giving up. Should I just leave? And, before you all go on about how I'm stupid for dating someone so much older than me... Trust me, I've heard it all before, and I KNOW. I'm not looking judgement here. I'm just desperate for help and advice.

[healingme4me]

I don't think this has anything to do with your age difference. I'm prone to being involved with men a decade older than myself and there's nothing uncommon about that.

That said. Her behavior is way out of line and completely inappropriate. Those are not conversations for a daughter to have with a father or for even that matter a mother.

Is she in counseling? What's been going on in her homelife with her father being absent? Why did her mother cease contact with him? Why was he out of their lives for so very long?

I agree with the above. Boundaries are being crossed and it’s highly inappropriate. Though I’m confused. Are you married? You call him your boyfriend, not husband, but you said she’s your step daughter. If you’re married then I would say you have the right to bring it up to him. If you’re not married, then it’s not really your place to say anything. He’s the one who should set the boundaries and not allow such inappropriate behavior. It’s most likely because he was absent from her life for several years. Why was that? Something is very off about all of this.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((Semime)))) I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Yeah, she seems very inappropriate in the way she's behaving. Does she see a therapist?