We recently heard from a family member we haven’t heard from in years. Hubby and I both have a long history of family issues and have both separated ourselves from it all.

It’s long been my thought that we will hear from family members again when they reach a point they need or want something.

It’s been many years of managing on our own, with no family support... of course on the flip side we have also not had to offer any support either. We’ve adjusted to taking care of what we need and life has been simple this way.

Is it cynical of me to be so skeptical and distrusting of any efforts for family to reach out to us years later?

Family has just been an all around negative experience and I feel very distrustful.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you're struggling, Sisabel No, I don't think it's necessarely cyinical, given your past experiences. I'm sorry your relationship with family isn't too good at the moment. Don't feel guilty, though. It's not really your fault... this kind of things can happen

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

We recently heard from a family member we haven’t heard from in years. Hubby and I both have a long history of family issues and have both separated ourselves from it all.

It’s long been my thought that we will hear from family members again when they reach a point they need or want something.

It’s been many years of managing on our own, with no family support... of course on the flip side we have also not had to offer any support either. We’ve adjusted to taking care of what we need and life has been simple this way.

Is it cynical of me to be so skeptical and distrusting of any efforts for family to reach out to us years later?

Family has just been an all around negative experience and I feel very distrustful.

cynical? perhaps but it depends on what you base that idea on. if your definition of cynical is that of expecting negative things from certain experiences, and leave it at that, sure. but you gotta take into account the fact that if one's experience over time has been that of negativity consistently I don't necessarily think I would label that person cynical but just one that expects things based on what they've known to be true in the past.

don't be hard on yourself. If a baby touches a hot item and burns themselves more than once, likely they will form the opinon that said item is hot and hurts them. That's realistic not cynicism.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

cynical? perhaps but it depends on what you base that idea on. if your definition of cynical is that of expecting negative things from certain experiences, and leave it at that, sure. but you gotta take into account the fact that if one's experience over time has been that of negativity consistently I don't necessarily think I would label that person cynical but just one that expects things based on what they've known to be true in the past.

don't be hard on yourself. If a baby touches a hot item and burns themselves more than once, likely they will form the opinon that said item is hot and hurts them. That's realistic not cynicism.

Thank you for that common sense feedback. I have become extremely focused on reality... not having expectations and seeing things for what they are.... it feels like I’ve lost my optimism and positivity. I don’t trust family and I just don’t want to be entangled with any of them again.

[s4ndm4n2006]

well hang onto your optimism, it's all a matter of what you focus on. the negative things are always there, we just need to refuse to dwell on them, ya know? if there are 10 bad things happening and only 2 good things to think on.. still focusing on the 2 things will really do a lot for your outlook everyday and really when you're forced to face the negative things you'll go in with a better attitude anyway.

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

well hang onto your optimism, it's all a matter of what you focus on. the negative things are always there, we just need to refuse to dwell on them, ya know? if there are 10 bad things happening and only 2 good things to think on.. still focusing on the 2 things will really do a lot for your outlook everyday and really when you're forced to face the negative things you'll go in with a better attitude anyway.

[TishaBuv]

You say cynical, I say cautious. You can entertain the relationship with an open mind but expect them to be wanting something.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

You say cynical, I say cautious. You can entertain the relationship with an open mind but expect them to be wanting something.

Cautious is a good way to put it