 |
| FAQ/Help |
| Calendar |
| Search |
|
#1
Dec 10, 2018, 05:22 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
So my brothers mil is working with me on some questions. She teaches couples communication class. I thought I shared here and give you an opportunity to share.
What does it mean to me when I say I’m in a relationship? It means I’m with that person , committed, devoted, constant, connected. When I say intimate what does that mean to me? It means close, caring, physical closeness, committed, permanent, daily, constant, emotional safety, connected, respectful, honest, genuine, warm and sincere. Heartfelt, earnest. Writing this is making me  I’m healthy and I know what healthy is. Intermittent reinforcement is very dangerous and destructive. Also being able to take space without being abandoned for doing so . That was probably my biggest problem in my relationship. I wasn’t allowed to take space without being threatened with abandonment. I think it’s fine if you need to take space if it’s a negotiation . Sometimes therapeutic separation is necessary.  and communication is key. No threats of abandonment. If you know you’re in it, you’re in it, no “shape up or I’m out”. It’s take the time you’ll need, I’ll be right here when you get back. That’s what I need to hear! It takes two to build the relationship.  I have no hope now.
|
 MickeyCheeky, Raindropvampire, Skeezyks
|
|
#2
Dec 11, 2018, 01:40 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
My hope is that, in some way, you will be able to discover new hope to replace the hope you once had.
 
|
| MickeyCheeky
|
 leomama, MickeyCheeky
|
|
#3
Dec 11, 2018, 01:42 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I’m not hopeless but I’m grieving and lost without my fiancé. He’s been incommunicado for 29 days now. I’m dying inside. |
| MickeyCheeky, seesaw, Skeezyks
|
| MickeyCheeky
|
|
#4
Dec 11, 2018, 02:25 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
I'm so sorry you're struggling, leomama
Are you still with this person? If you are, hopefully you can talk to him about this and start building a better relationship. Otherwise you can just leave him and start a new one. If you aren't, then I guess you just need to move on. Please don't give up hope though: you can still find the right person for you. It may take a while, but it is possible. You can do it! In the meantime keep working on yourself. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this
|
| leomama
|
|
#5
Dec 11, 2018, 02:26 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
You have good ideals. I think it's going to hurt for now, but you'll be ok. Keep reaching out
|
| leomama
|
|
#6
Dec 11, 2018, 02:41 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I’m estranged from him and he’s my fiancé. He has gone off the radar for 29 days his phone is off, no social media, no reply to my emails, no word from his friends or family. |
|
#7
Dec 11, 2018, 07:21 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
it’s important for me to have my space to pursue my hobbies and spend time with friends. I don’t believe in being attached to the hip. I need ton of space do my own things.
At the same time I don’t believe in separation in commited relationship. When you are engaged or married, it’s unreasonable to separate and expect other person still be there imho. Having space to do things and pausing a relationship isn’t the same thing If my husband wanted to separate and expected me to be right there when he comes back, I’d laugh. I do not sit around waiting. People are either ready or not ready for a relationship. If they aren’t ready, I am moving on. Your guy took three years to get divorced. Sorry too long. Did he expect you to still be there after not seeing you for three years. Did he assume you’d be sitting around not dating waiting for three years? He is unrealistic. Unless he is in the war zone/combat, no one is going to wait for him If he went no contact for a month, I’d consider engagement is over and I am free . I think ideas of commited and connected and intimate relationship is perfect. But then when you have that, you wouldn’t want or need separation and certainly non one would play games. The fact that 3 years of separation needed and he wouldn’t even see after all those years of you waiting does indicate issues and lack of commitment. Your idea of a healthy relationship is very good and realistic. But it’s not going to be with this man. You have to find the right one for that (eventually) |
| leomama
|
|
#8
Dec 11, 2018, 07:31 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I also don't know why he left up at least three social media sites dedicated to our relationship. He has not deleted any of those accounts. He claims he is not with anyone. He is known to do these disappearing acts, but he's never disappeared from me. |
|
#9
Dec 11, 2018, 07:58 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Sorry for the pain you are enduring, it sounds stressful, but this guy is bad news. It doesn’t matter why he does these things. He isn’t serious relationship material. Plus he ended it a year ago so him saying this or that is irrelevant as it was over. Mail him his ring back and be done
|
| leomama
|
|
#10
Dec 11, 2018, 08:00 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
We were in a serious relationship for 3 years. You mean now? |
|
#11
Dec 11, 2018, 08:01 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
| leomama
|
|
#12
Dec 11, 2018, 08:31 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
I don’t believe in the one. I’m in love with him. However as I’m getting healthier and stronger I will stop trying to contact him. |
|
#13
Dec 11, 2018, 09:55 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
|
#14
Dec 11, 2018, 10:06 PM
|
||||
|
||||
|
Quote:
|
| divine1966
|
| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
|
My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.
Linear Mode
