[cwymigi]

My sister and I had been close our entire lives. I'm LGBT and came out of the closet about 8 years ago. I don't know why, but it really seemed to change my relationships with my family. None of my family is religious, but some are conservative non-religious.

My sister, however, is not conservative. She decided to go to school for psychology BS about 7 years ago. 6 years ago, I had a surgery for a sohenoid meningioma and lost my short term memory. That same year, my sister and I had a terrible falling out. It stemmed from me getting fed up with her constantly trying to diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder (nevermind that I had a sphenoid meningioma).

Recently, I found out that my social media had cached all of my sister and my conversations for more than the last ten years and, having forgotten them, I decided to read them. Much to my surprise, she had tried to convince nearly every time we had a disagreement that I had BPS, long before our falling out. I shared some of these messages with family, because when we had our falling out, the family tended to take her side because I had threatened to turn her in to the Behavioral Health Board for telling my friends and family I had BPS when that wasn't true. My family and she felt like this was unfair to her even though she never went on to get her license.

After showing these messages to my family, they all changed their minds about what had occurred. They didn't believe me before when I had told them my sister had been doing this for years, but now I had proof she had been doing it. The sad thing is, she cut off all contact and wouldn't and still won't let me see my niece and nephew who I was very close with before. I have offered to pay for us to go to counseling, and though I am very resentful of my reputation being ruined by her telling my friends and family I had BPS, I have apologized for threatening to turn her in to the Behavioral Health Board.

I just don't know what to do. She has become semi-famous and often talks about family issues, but now she has cut out almost all of the family. I miss her and don't know how such a rational-minded person could believe cutting out their entire family is good for them. I miss my niece and nephew. I want her to go to therapy with me, but it seems she never wants to fix this and we will always be estranged. What can I do?

[healingme4me]

She sounds set in her ways or ambitious in an alienating way?



I wasn't fair of her to spread misinformation about you. And not fair to take you up on your offer to work with a therapist(3rd party) to repair and rebuild your relationship.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi cwymigi,

Yes, family dynamics can definitely be a rollercoaster ride all right, and I'm sorry you're hurting through it all, it's not nice, but these kinds of things aren't all that uncommon either. I think a lot of families grow and change, and not always in ways that we hoped.

I think at the end of the day, it's reached a point now where it's probably best just to accept the fact that your sister wants to go her own way. No doubt it wasn't an easy decision for her to make, but that's what she wants to do, so, if it was me, I'd respect her wishes. Things happen and you tried your best to bring everyone together but, as I say, I'd just respect her wishes now.

You'll get through it, don't you worry.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by cwymigi

My sister and I had been close our entire lives. I'm LGBT and came out of the closet about 8 years ago. I don't know why, but it really seemed to change my relationships with my family. None of my family is religious, but some are conservative non-religious.

My sister, however, is not conservative. She decided to go to school for psychology BS about 7 years ago. 6 years ago, I had a surgery for a sohenoid meningioma and lost my short term memory. That same year, my sister and I had a terrible falling out. It stemmed from me getting fed up with her constantly trying to diagnose me with Borderline Personality Disorder (nevermind that I had a sphenoid meningioma).

Recently, I found out that my social media had cached all of my sister and my conversations for more than the last ten years and, having forgotten them, I decided to read them. Much to my surprise, she had tried to convince nearly every time we had a disagreement that I had BPS, long before our falling out. I shared some of these messages with family, because when we had our falling out, the family tended to take her side because I had threatened to turn her in to the Behavioral Health Board for telling my friends and family I had BPS when that wasn't true. My family and she felt like this was unfair to her even though she never went on to get her license.

After showing these messages to my family, they all changed their minds about what had occurred. They didn't believe me before when I had told them my sister had been doing this for years, but now I had proof she had been doing it. The sad thing is, she cut off all contact and wouldn't and still won't let me see my niece and nephew who I was very close with before. I have offered to pay for us to go to counseling, and though I am very resentful of my reputation being ruined by her telling my friends and family I had BPS, I have apologized for threatening to turn her in to the Behavioral Health Board.

I just don't know what to do. She has become semi-famous and often talks about family issues, but now she has cut out almost all of the family. I miss her and don't know how such a rational-minded person could believe cutting out their entire family is good for them. I miss my niece and nephew. I want her to go to therapy with me, but it seems she never wants to fix this and we will always be estranged. What can I do?

theres nothing you can do. just like you get to choose who you want to talk to and do things with she gets to choose who she and her children get to talk to and do things with.

since she didnt go on with her education to get her license and doesnt work for a mental health agency, even if you told the board about her there is nothing that they can do about it or to her. basically its a family situation. it would be like me telling the lawyers bar my brother is giving me legal advice with out being a lawyer. hes not a lawyer so theres nothing the lawyers bar can do about or against him, its a family matter between me and my brother.

that said if you feel your sister is trying to cause you physical or emotional harm by saying you have BPD you can take her to court for slander and prove in court how her saying this is causing you emotional and physical harm and harm to your reputation. the court that deals with problems between siblings is family court.

[WishfulThinker66]

Is it possible that this all stems out of a deep yet misguided concern for you?

[cwymigi]

Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66

Is it possible that this all stems out of a deep yet misguided concern for you?

She has always sorta been that way. Overbearing and overprotective. She's older by two years. I do understand she decides who she and her kids have contact with. I didn't share before how much impact I had in her kids lives when they were younger. I virtually took care of her daughter the first year of her life because my sister's husband was a loser and my sister had to have 3 jobs to support them. I loved taking care of her. My niece and I were so close. Then my nephew was born a few years later to a different father. I was pretty close with them. I imagine, as uncles go, I was far more involved than average.

It is frustrating that there will be large family get togethers but I am disinvited because she is either hosting or doesn't want me around. Part of it seems to stem from our closeness that I'm able to sorta see through her drama a lot and I don't really put up with it like others do. She has a tendency to just speak down to others and shut them out and she knew I didn't ever really play that game. But her overbearing nature really went way too far where she was contacting my therapist if I didn't do what she thought I should do.

As far as the turning her in to the Behavioral Health Board, at the time it seemed logical because she was going to attempt to get her license at that time and I felt they should know this was happening. It isn't the first time she has really dragged down someone who was close to her by putting their name through the mud with her diagnoses of them and telling others about it (she does hair and has always sorta been part of the gossip chain in our hometown). She only decided not to get her license because she started getting semi-famous and making a lot of money. Now, shes very well known and in worldwide publications often. I am happy for her success. As well, it is bittersweet because I've also become very successful, which I attribute to the space. So it hasn't all been bad.

I guess I hope in time she comes around and I can learn to deal with the resentment of all the friends who have distanced themselves since she told them. I would be fine if she never came around but allowed me to see my niece and nephew. I know it's not likely. My own success makes me hungry to have success in other things that I haven't been successful in. My twin brother and I have repaired a terrible relationship we had for many years and now we are closer than ever. Maybe there's a part of me that felt if we could fix that, certainly my sister and I could repair things.

[cwymigi]

I should mention too, she told me I needed to go to therapy and get diagnosed. So, I did. I didn't know the therapist, but I knew he specialized in PTSD so I thought him a good choice because I had a lot of trauma from being molested by a much older brother as a kid, and being very badly physically abused by both parents mostly for being gay (which resulted in about 100 different visits to court as a kid). I went to him for about 2 years and he did diagnose me with Severe PTSD (he said worse than most veterans he worked with) and we did EMDR therapy to deal with many if my issues. I did talk with him in depth about this with my sister and he said I didn't have BPS or anything like that and it was shameful my sister felt the need to project that on me. I would really like to go to a 3rd party therapist with my sister and have my personal therapist share his assesments. I think that could help her a lot.

[cwymigi]

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Hi cwymigi,

Yes, family dynamics can definitely be a rollercoaster ride all right, and I'm sorry you're hurting through it all, it's not nice, but these kinds of things aren't all that uncommon either. I think a lot of families grow and change, and not always in ways that we hoped.

I think at the end of the day, it's reached a point now where it's probably best just to accept the fact that your sister wants to go her own way. No doubt it wasn't an easy decision for her to make, but that's what she wants to do, so, if it was me, I'd respect her wishes. Things happen and you tried your best to bring everyone together but, as I say, I'd just respect her wishes now.

You'll get through it, don't you worry.

Thank you. I hope so.