The mutual friend of the toxic person I am avoiding is asking to hang out during the Holidays. There were a couple of times in the past year that we hung out, that the toxic person tagged along.

The mutual friend does not know I started avoiding the toxic person this year since she (the mutual friend) moved. She doesn't think it's any problem for us to all hang out together, when she is in town. I feel it's not my place to tell her of the toxic person's character, and I want to avoid drama as much as possible.

How can I hang out with just the mutual friend when she is town, without having to mention the toxic person?

[healingme4me]

Maybe when plans come up ask for details about who is going? And then only commit if you know the toxic person won't be there?

[SlumberKitty]

Maybe just ask the person you want to hang out with if it can just be you two for an afternoon or however long to catch up. Then you wouldn't have to mention the toxic person. Kit.

[Blogwriter]

Originally Posted by SlumberKitty

Maybe just ask the person you want to hang out with if it can just be you two for an afternoon or however long to catch up. Then you wouldn't have to mention the toxic person. Kit.

Hi Ennie,

I agree with SlumberKitty. That way you can be firm and tactful at the same time.

[s4ndm4n2006]

you could always preempt the potential by being honest. That does NOT mean you have to reveal the details of what you think of the other person but simply that they are not someone you want to have around when hanging out. You could make it clear you're not judging them for hanging out with that person but that for your own reasons you'd rather it not be with that person hanging around too. Nothing wrong with that. A good friend will respect and understand your personal reasons without probing for details.

I dont' think that leaving out that specific information would be the best because that means everytime she wants to hang out you'll have to repeat the process of going around in circles avoiding mentioning the person you are trying to avoid. Just my take.

I would just be direct with your friend and tell them that you don't want to hang out with the toxic person and tell them exactly why you feel that person's toxic.

Start off being nice about it but if your friend isn't willing to compromise then tell them either don't include the toxic person to our meetups or we won't hang out anymore.

That's how I am with people. I don't expect a friendship to last me more than 2-3 years so if the friendship becomes a threat to my mental health then I have no issues kicking said friends out of my life early.

[downandlonely]

I understand your difficulty. Personally, I think honesty is the best policy, but I won't lie. Being too honest has come back to bite me. People find me rude and tactless. So I'm not sure what the best course of action is.

[WishfulThinker66]

I think there is no problem in saying exactly that: "I wonder if you and I could do such-in-such just us."

[sarahsweets]

What is keeping you from telling the mutual friend that they are toxic?

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

What is keeping you from telling the mutual friend that they are toxic?

If I were to say something to the mutual friend and she shares that with the toxic person, that would just create drama--the very thing I am trying to avoid.

[Lefty Seven]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

you could always preempt the potential by being honest.

Nicely said. Grip up and tell her what you know, or things will get unpleasantly potential.