co-workers

We had a peer review yesterday. I am still feeling a little stunned. What we did is over the last 2 weeks we wrote down 2 things we liked about each of our co-workers (and our boss) and 1 thing that needed improvement on. Then a therapist that helps with worker relations compiled the lists so that what we wrote would be completely anonymous. This made it possible to be perfectly honest with out fear of retribution.

I was frightened to death about going to this meeting. I felt that I couldn't face the critism, the hidden annimosity that I was sure would be written to me. I mean I was possitive that they would point out how they knew what a rotten person I am. How bad I am.

Well, like I said, I am stunned. They said I was caring and trustworthy. Friendly and good with customers. That I had an "orderly mind", ha ha. "A mother's order out of chaos." I never saw myself like that. On the improvements, out of 10 people only one wrote something that needed improvement. "Pay more attention to detail when entering inventory." I knew this. I have been avoiding entering inventory when my brain is in the misfiring freaky mode because my concentration waivers and I make multiple mistakes. One person wrote, "She just makes me comfortable. She's all for growing." That was on the improvement list! LOL.

I know this all should make me rejoice but here I am in this funk. What it means to me is that once again I have to face the fact that basically I am a decent person. This is hard for me, something that my T keeps trying to get me to realize and I keep sliding back from. ARGH! Why can't we just throw out the old programing?
Zen

<font color=blue>that I would be good even if I did nothing, that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down, that I would be good if I got and stayed sick, that I would be good even if I gained 10 pounds-- Alanis Morissette