[Zenobia]

I am so excited. Last night my hubby and I played around. We didn't go all the way but we rounded 3rd base. What I am excited about is that through the whole time I was in a playful mood. I didn't get scared, I didn't dissociate, I didn't become "the prostitute". I was me and I was having fun. AND I was able to tell him no I didn't want to actually have sex. This is a giant leap for me. I have never been able to say no to anything once things got started. On top of that when I did say no I didn't get worried that he would be upset with me. This is such a good thing.
Zen<font color=green>

You live, you learn. You love, you learn. You cry, you learn. You lose, you learn. You bleed, you learn. You scream, you learn.--Alanis Morissette

[heidu]

Wonderful Zen. Your post sounded so upbeat. It sounds like you are on the road to a good and healthy sex life with your husband. GOOD FOR YOU!!! Keep having fun!
Heidu

[bptoo]

Boy, you sure know how to post a topic that grabs a person's attention...

This is very cool news and I'm real happy for you! Even when bad things happen, you're sounding more positive about life in general these days. And I wanted to mention that I think it's wonderful that your hubby is working so hard to make things easier for you too, he sounds like a pretty good guy! I hope it all keeps getting better.

bp

"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart."

[darkeyes]

Gee, I am so happy for you I haven't done anything for about 4 months, I have completely lost all interests, possibly due to my stresses, extreme weight gain and my meds. worse of all I am no longer bothered about the fact that this has happened, I no longer complain to my doc that I have lost my drive, I no longer care to "run" to Estratest" which worked great a few years back when I also was 35-40 lbs. thinner and did not have any need for "mental pills" Sorry to have just vented on you, all in all I am very happy for you and your progress, keep up having fun, perhaps my day will come too, either that or hubby will leave me.
"darkeyes"

[Zenobia]

Vent away. Four months ago I believed that I didn't care if I ever had sex again. For 2 years Dan would bring it up in session and I would get angry at him or make a snide joke or just roll my eyes and change the subject. I hated sex, I hated talking about sex and I hated the fact that he kept pointing out this part of my mental landscape that I dispised so much. It was over this topic that I had my most difficult bouts of paranoia. I was convince that Dan was in league with my husband with the sole purpose of making me have sex. We got into a little tiff over that. He finally backed off when I told him I thought he was in league with the devil. Hmmm, shortly after that Dr. R changed my meds. Interesting. LOL. I wonder if he knew that I was joking. Since then he will just mentioned it at the end of each session just to remind me that it is something we need to discuss when I was ready. Sigh. He is a persistant little snot.
Zen

<font color=green>You live, you learn. You love, you learn. You cry, you learn. You lose, you learn. You bleed, you learn. You scream, you learn.--Alanis Morissette

[darkeyes]

Hey, I like that "line" from Alanis Morissette Some things I do not care for of hers but some I do. There's one I can't remember the title but it tels about her seeing a married guy and asking him more or less if she is "better" than his wife or woman, is that "You oughta know"?? Getting back to my problem, we had this years ago after I had my son which was a difficult labor (very sore) and hubby was losing patience, what a f***k! I mean can I help it?? Years went by and things got real good then waned and then a little better but now it has happened again, but this time I am feeling if it really bothers him so much he can leave, after all maybe indirectly he is the cause? You guys do not realize it is the way they talk to their woman during the day which helps get them "somewhere" sometimes, but when you talk to your wife like she is your secretary or mentally handicapped cause she takes psychiatric medications (maybe I'm overeacting on this one) this may be making me feel resentment? I don't know I've mentioned it to my doc and therapist they suggest he attends therapy with me and he says there is no problem, yeah right, then why does he get all moody about the lack of sex? Why does he get all pissy when I freeze up and push him away and tell him "I'm not in the mood"! I don't know the answer but I cannot keep up this charade for the family much longer. At this point I'd rather be alone, just my son and dog can live very happily. Wow, what "venting" am I doing on this rainy, dreary day, in between "Thanksgiving" housecleaning, for the company we are having that I did not invite, hubby invited his family who I really do like, but with my dad being so gravely ill and far away I really do not feel like entertaining Thank God he does the cooking, he loves cooking, I prefer I clean cause he does a lousy job at that so we do manage to make a good team at some things in life
Well I better stop depressing everyone with my whining, ha!ha!
Have a nice weekend
"darkeyes"

[Zenobia]

You Oughta Know is actually a woman telling her exboyfriend who dumped her for another woman how much it has hurt her and how unfair she thinks it is for him to expect her to be ok with it. It is totally heart wrenching the way she expresses her pain. An even more sad song is at the very end of her Jagged Little Pill cd. Its title isn't even on the cover. It is about her going to her lovers apartment while he isn't there. She spends the afternoon just soaking in his essense, taking a bath and walking around. Then she finds a note written to him from another woman. Oh man it just grabs hold of ones heart and gives it a twist.

You sound like me not to long ago. Your whole rant could have been taken out of my journal. I hope things will improve for you. I was lucky in the fact that my hubby was more then willing to go to therapy with me and when anything comes up in my session with Dan I know that hubby will meet with me in session with Emily. It was me who was reluctant to go into therapy with him. I didn't want to let go of my anger. I didn't want them to take away the right to what I felt. It was Dan's persistance that I HAD to go into marrital therapy if I was going to get any better that actually got me in therapy with my husband. I wish I could say it was my idea but it wasn't. Sigh.
Zen

<font color=green>You live, you learn. You love, you learn. You cry, you learn. You lose, you learn. You bleed, you learn. You scream, you learn.--Alanis Morissette

[emoangel]

Wow, i wish i had that power, i havent had to say no because my boyfriend and i are very comfortable with each other, but in the past...i just couldnt...any advice zen?

[Zenobia]

Can't give any advice about saying no accept swallow your fear and say it. I am afraid to say no in any circumstance, be it sex or second helpings. I just swallow my fear and remind myself that it is my body and my right to say no. Doesn't make it easy but I hope with practice it will become easier. It does doesn't it?
Zen

<font color=blue>that I would be good even if I did nothing, that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down, that I would be good if I got and stayed sick, that I would be good even if I gained 10 pounds-- Alanis Morissette