[FridayT]

Just today my partner decided to slam the toilet seat because "like omg" the toilet won't flush right. He does this all the damn time and no matter how many times I told him how this affects me, he makes it all about him. I'm beyond stressed and my stomach is twisted and my chest is tightened. I have tried to get it repaired many times. I'm just extremely angry right now as well as stressed. Not bad enough things are bad in my neighborhood. I swear, im going to buy a soft toilet seat because he won't learn. Not that I want to live in Seattle anymore anyway.

Is your partner stressed out also? Sounds like there’s a lot going on. Usually when I feel like this it’s because there’s been stress for too long and I really need a break.

[healingme4me]

Is he also loud with the toilet seat when not mad about it being in disrepair? Why isn't he trying to help you figure out what's going on with the handle/flush mechanism? Toilets are only good for 50years, how long has that toilet been there? Is there a pipe leak somewhere in the building? Do some screws need to be tightened? Is this a your problem or is there a landlord that's is responsible for it?
How's the water pressure, otherwise?

He needs to learn how to control his anger or frustration better. Why can't he listen to you or care about how this effects you? That says a lot about him. He is not respecting your wishes enough to curb his behavior. I would tell him he has an anger issue and that you will not accept him slamming the toilet seat down every time he gets frustrated with it. Draw the line and your boundaries of what is unacceptable and acceptable for you.

[FridayT]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Is he also loud with the toilet seat when not mad about it being in disrepair? Why isn't he trying to help you figure out what's going on with the handle/flush mechanism? Toilets are only good for 50years, how long has that toilet been there? Is there a pipe leak somewhere in the building? Do some screws need to be tightened? Is this a your problem or is there a landlord that's is responsible for it?
How's the water pressure, otherwise?

The toilet is old as the building is and we had been trying to get it repaired, but it hadn't been repaired or replaced. Right how he thinks because of his back pain and other miseries he is going through excuses him to shatter everything in sight. I'm sorry, but when i get angry and i'm through a lot of pain both psyhically and mentally, i don't lose my cool no matter how much i want to break something.

[FridayT]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

He needs to learn how to control his anger or frustration better. Why can't he listen to you or care about how this effects you? That says a lot about him. He is not respecting your wishes enough to curb his behavior. I would tell him he has an anger issue and that you will not accept him slamming the toilet seat down every time he gets frustrated with it. Draw the line and your boundaries of what is unacceptable and acceptable for you.

I don't know either and even after trying to explain, it seem like he had to win the argument. This isn't about winning, it's about trying to understand one another. I know he was in a lot of pain, stress and all, and so am i. But that wasn't helping! It's like an injured dog biting at another injured dog. Not helping.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by FridayT

The toilet is old as the building is and we had been trying to get it repaired, but it hadn't been repaired or replaced. Right how he thinks because of his back pain and other miseries he is going through excuses him to shatter everything in sight. I'm sorry, but when i get angry and i'm through a lot of pain both psyhically and mentally, i don't lose my cool no matter how much i want to break something.

Well, with all things considered, the softer seat sounds like your best line of defense from the seat constantly slamming down. If that's not agreeable to him, at least newer seats are tighter and won't slam, either.
I jump at loud noises myself and sometimes things like slammed seats and doors and even the fridge will just go right through me. For a while, that point wasn't seeming to get through to my sons. Sometimes by mistake, I'm certain but I noticed when the seat was first replaced as it's screws were causing it to shift around-can buy for less than $10-- it wasn't coming down with such gusto. Then we wound up with a new toilet after the fact-there was a crack somewhere leaking to the apartment below.
But to DIY grab some non latex gloves and a regular screwdriver and there's plenty of youtube videos out there.
It won't change a thing about your bf but it will empower you to not continue to live under this condition.

[FridayT]

Thanks. My boyfriend am I were under a lot of stress and everything, sometimes we let things get to us. I am writing to my landlord for replacement. I'll look for soft toilet seats too. Thanks.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry you're struggling, FridayT I hope you'll be able to get your toilet replaced. How is your relationship with him otherwise? Does he act the same way in other occasions as well? I'm worried about the fact that he doesn't seem to listen to what you have to say. Communication is an important part in every relationship. I'd suggest to wait until he feels more relaxed and have a serious talk to him about this. Tell him how much this is bothering you. Hopefully he'll understand. If this happens often, perhaps you could try couple counselling. Maybe that could help. Can you afford it? If he still refuses to listen, I think you need to seriously reconsider this relationship. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. Keep writing here if it helps. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this