[Perna]

I got a call yesterday morning from my stepniece asking me, "Did you get the invitation"? She and her older sister were having a surprise party for their mother, my stepsister's 70th birthday. Somehow I hadn't gotten the invitation.

My nieces house was an hour to an hour-and-a-half drive from where I live and my sister was arriving around then so I had to hustle. I dressed better, found the Christmas present I was giving her, some birthday wrapping paper and assembled a suitable "present" :-)

The party was partly triggering and partly enjoyable. My father married my stepmother and stepsister a couple weeks after I turned 5. My stepsister is 13 years older than I am and a lot of the people at the party were her friends from college who knew me when I was 5-8. My "other" sister was there; a woman my stepsister's age that my stepmother brought she and her mother over from Germany after the War and sponsored here in the United States. I've known this lovely woman as long as I've known my stepsister and really enjoy talkign with her but only see her every few years.

I normally only see my stepsister and her family Christmas Day every year. When my father died in 1992 things got "weird" and I was very much the stepdaughter looking in on "another" family. I was a "daughter" though so had to act like I belonged, help with my stepmother's care, etc. Then when my stepmother died in 2001 the current order of things began where I see them only on Christmas. Everyone is always "nice" to me but I feel awkward and like an outsider. I'm missing a lot of their lives; my nieces and nephews have a combined 14 children of their own ranging in age from 5 to 19 and I only see them on Christmas so don't know them very well.

I'm only a little close to one of my three brothers and don't know any of my brother's children well/currently and have not met my 2 nieces children at all; I have 5 grand nieces and nephews of my own and I know them even less than the 14 of my stepnieces and nephews.

I have three stepsons and their mother is living so I'm not really part of their lives, just going along for the ride until my husband dies I guess.

Any thoughts on how I could get closer to any of these people?

[bebop]

the only thing I would suggest is getting together more often than once a year. like maybe in the summer have something at your house or a park setting. it is difficult to get closer when you only see people once a yr. good luck hon

[AAAAA]

That is a good idea Bebop, a summer picnic.

I do not know how far away everyone lives, but if they're close enough, once a month invite a family over for dinner and board games. Sounds childish, but my husband's family does it and it is really fun. That way you're getting to know each individual family.

[Perna]

I do live fairly close to one niece and she suggested (when she learned I live on the water and have a boat :-) that she and the other niece bring the kids over "one day" next summer. I think my nieces might "mellow" as they get older.