[Medusax]

Today was a bad day for me: Both at work and off work, and it has simply reinforced my attitude about people. Two of my closest "friends" in separate instances, put me down in front of others for their own entertainment. Out of the blue and just because. One male and one female. The male is an older friend that I thought was above that sort of thing (what I get for thinking). So perhaps the woman (low rent bar patron) he showed me up in front of would like to take over doing his medications, housekeeping, and lawn this spring and summer, and, being the type she is, probably would rip him off. And as for the female....who is actually nothing but a drunk hillbilly when you get right down to it, I don't know whether to let her sober up or forget it. B***h that I am and the way I feel about things right now, I could do just that. Anyone else have similar experiences? With someone you never thought would betray you? I am talking friend, not boy/girl friends, just to clarify.

I would start distancing myself from these people. It seems like they are starting to show their true colors. You can still be civil with them and briefly greet them when you see them.

[~Christina]

I’d just remove them from my life and meet new people. Any “Meetups” around you that are of interest? Good way to meet new people

Sorry they did this to you.

[Quarter life]

There are over 7 Billion potential friends in the world...Scrape off those who prevent us from feeling good about ourselves.

[sarahsweets]

Before I was good at valuing my own self worth and picking friends that did too, I was often in this position. It would always take me by surprise and it felt like being the butt of a joke that was never funny. I was married young and had a family by the time I was 21 so my perspective changed quicker than it probably would have. Plus I had to get sober to find out who I really was. But I learned to immediately pull someone aside if I truly felt like something like that happened and question it. Most of the time the people involved denied it-but still apologized and if they did it again I let them know that we had come to the end of the friendship- and why. Sometimes friends truly didnt realize how much of an asshole they were and never let it happen again. It is very betraying but what takes the sting of betrayal away is directly addressing it. People are so used to just sweeping it under the rug and moving on so being direct sort of disarms them and you get a better shot at an honest response. After its addressed once though, no chances are given again. I make it clear how much it hurt me and if they are too insensitive or dumb to not do it again then I know they really didnt hear me or understand my hurt to begin with and are not worth my time.

Someone recently gave me this advice. She said to look at the entire past history with someone when I evaluate a specific event. Is that event a one time thing or is it a pattern? If it’s a pattern, then it’s best to move on I would say. Is it a one time thing that hasn’t happened before and that friend is usually a great friend? Then I would say it’s worth having a discussion with the person and give them the chance to fix that behavior. We all mess up sometimes. Some people are willing to fix issues and some aren’t though.

[Medusax]

Well, actually no it is not a pattern...and the friendships are close and long term. 21 and 10 years. And nothing like this has ever happened before so perhaps it is just me overreacting and being wrathful.

[bluerivergirl]

It sounds like whatever happened, you were triggered and are now experiencing great pain and anger as a result. I am so sorry this happens to me a lot. I am 47 years old now and what I finally realized for me at least is that said reaction is a pattern that I have. I react with that kind of flash pain and anger when I feel slighted, controlled, etc with all different types of people. So that's number one, my reaction is yes partly due to their insensitive action, but it's mostly due to my way of reacting. I am currently trying to challenge myself to find different ways of dealing with the anger than contempt, mouthing off, *****ing to my friends, etc. I am not sayin that's what you do... just sharing my poor coping mechanism. So far what I've found is acknowledging that I have a right to be hurt and angry is a good start. Then removing myself precipitously from the interaction to avoid the flash reactions that I have little control over. Then to understand that I can't always be validated by others in my pain, all the time and I need to be able to find ways to heal myself.

[TheNightWhistle]

Sounds like some terrible friends. I would stay away from them if I were you. You don't deserve to be treated like that.

[WishfulThinker66]

These aren't friends.