[Noms100]

Hello, I hope I am posting this in the right place. I am in a relationship of 3 months with a man who is borderline schizophrenic. These 3 months have been tumultuous to say the least. I have tried to be patient, but his outbursts of anger and mistrust and how mean he can become over a simple disagreement have worn me down. I am now at a point where I want out if the relationship and I am a mess because I know it will be bad. We have broken up twice in the past and I would feel genuinely bad and take him back. I dont know how to end this relationship without sending him into a tailspin. I care about him a lot and I see that he tries to fight against his illness, but I cannot do it anymore. He refuses to seek any type of mental help. I'm not sure what I am expecting by posting this here. My family and friends do not like him and have been encouraging me to leave the whole time. Does anyone have any advise to offer I would really appreciate it.
Sincerely

[sarahsweets]

I’m sorry you are going through this. But his mental health is his responsibility not yours. It’s sort of like emotional hi jacking for him to put the onus of his happiness and stability on you. And you do not need to ignore your needs to make him feel complete or better. Your needs are important as well and you have to try and remember that. I wish I could give you a magic wand to make it easier but the hardest things require the hardest decisions. It may take something as drastic as completely blocking him from your life including social media. But that’s for you to decide. You deserve to be happy and I urge you to consider making yourself a priority.

Women are not rehabilitation centers for badly raised men, or mentally ill men. It's not our job to fix, parent, raise, or change a man we date. Nope. That's HIS JOB.

I dated a bipolar guy who would try to hit me a lot. I broke up with him and he tried to emotionally guilt-trip me into taking him back. "Without you Blanche, I don't feel stable."

Just because he wants you back, Noms100, doesn't mean you are obligated to take him back. Break the cycle and stop getting back together with this guy. He is an adult. His problems are his problems, NOT YOURS. You are not responsible for his well-being. Repeat that to yourself until you believe it.

At the end of the day, it's about having strong interpersonal boundaries with people. Just because he has problems, doesn't mean it's your job to fix him.

Set the boundary of breaking up with him and stick with it. Block him from every social media platform you have, as sarahsweets suggested. Block him from your cellphone.

You won't get rid of him unless you really want to. No one can do it for you. You have to decide, if this is how you want to live your life; put your life second to his. If not, then take the steps to get him out of your life. Whatever he decides to do is up to him, and in no way is your problem. You can be a caring person, but you need to have boundaries. Boundaries are a good thing.

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are in this situation. In my personal opinion no one is obligated to date anyone else regardless if he has mental illness or not. We are free to choose who to date. He isn’t your child or your parent or your brother, we do not choose family members. We do choose who to be romantic with and he doesn’t sound like appropriate partner. I understand you feel bad but it’s time to get out and move on. Good luck, you can do it.

[mote.of.soul]

Yes, it's often tough breaking up with someone but you do 'want out' and so that's the decision you should go ahead and make for yourself. He's not emotionally stable unfortunately, angry and mistrustful of you, which will only continue to wear you down, Noms100. As you say, he's not interested in getting help so I can't see how anything will improve.

My advice is to, yes, break up with him. And if you fear that he might get angry and abusive then I don't see anything wrong with breaking up with him over the phone. If he handles that okay maybe you can see him one last time to say goodbye in person, if that's what you'd like.

Originally Posted by mote.of.soul

Yes, it's often tough breaking up with someone but you do 'want out' and so that's the decision you should go ahead and make for yourself. He's not emotionally stable unfortunately, angry and mistrustful of you, which will only continue to wear you down, Noms100. As you say, he's not interested in getting help so I can't see how anything will improve.

My advice is to, yes, break up with him. And if you fear that he might get angry and abusive then I don't see anything wrong with breaking up with him over the phone. If he handles that okay maybe you can see him one last time to say goodbye in person, if that's what you'd like.

Or, send him an email if a phone call is too difficult because he won't be able to interrupt you. His response to the final breakup is not your responsibility. Repeat that to yourself. You are not responsible for him. Does that make sense to you? He may be heart broken, but that is not your concern. You need to get away from this guy and you won't until you cut him out of your life.

Luckily, you've only been involved with this guy for 3 months, Noms100.