How to stop being a victim of a narcissist

[QUOTE=G lady;6525336]DechanDawa - I am also in academia (I'm in a graduate program) and I'd say while there is plenty of narcissism in academia, there's also just general dysfunction. I love being intellectually challenged but if the price is emotional stability, the price is too high![/QUOTE



General dysfunction? Professors or students? I found my fellow students great. They were hard-working and good team players. However, the professors were dysfunctional...with their rages, humiliating people in public, using class time to overshare about themselves, could not tolerate being wrong, and finally, the worst...sexism. Older professors preying on young female (and male!) students...shall I go on? I think not.

The antidote was students getting together at parties and gossiping ruthlessly about the professors.

All in all graduate school was great...I loved my fellow students and the study and intellectual stimulation. But the professors were def out-of-control narcissists.

(Graduate school was stressful. The first year everyone had meltdowns. The second year a lot of people quit. I was in a three-year program. By the third year the course work was easy...but internships started up the stress. I gained a ton of weight in graduate school because I stopped smoking as a bunch of us became chain smokers. Self care is a must. Graduate school is just stressful...it's the nature of the beast.)

[QUOTE=DechanDawa;6525269][QUOTE=golden_eve;6525256

Ahhhh. Congrats, married lady!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for sharing this special journey online. It's truly wild of you to do this! But really beautiful. Like you are sending out little postcards from a dream.

I hope at some point you will describe your dress, the ceremony, the food, whatever.

Talking with you has brought back some very fond memories. It is like medicine for the soul.

This morning I noticed my so-called now ex-friend posted "likes" on my Facebook! What the heck??? I didn't unfriend or block her because I don't want to create more drama. I never thought she would have the nerve to just act like nothing happened. She is indeed a confused individual.

But back to us......congratulations, again. I am happy everything went well for you. It sounds like you picked the perfect venue and geographic place. And I am happy about the ganja, too! When we were there (long ago) in Jamaica they weren't selling it. It was more like trading. I think I traded a few tee shirts. We also traded our binoculars for beautiful shells I still have.

Thanks for saying I am cool. Haha. I am eccentric and my own person. I have always been like this...when young and now older haven't changed one iota. I went to school for fine arts so that's my excuse. I actually thought I lost all my creativity in my depressive state...so thank you for reminding me. it's still there I was like Alice in Wonderland falling down the dark rabbit hole of depression. Maybe I have made the journey halfway and am now looking towards the light at the end of the tunnel. That would be very nice. You give me hope, darling girl!

I think "creatives" and "wild ones" have a better chance of recovery from depression, anxiety, and co-dependency. Now that you are married you have a built-in best friend and that's kind of really wonderful. I was married for 20 years. The first ten years were glorious. Truly a blast! So much fun. We had this adorable child born to us and we lived in California and bought a lovely little vintage house with many windows and a big garden and it was like a fairy tale. The next five years were so-so and the last five years were pretty hellish. I wouldn't have traded any of it. It was a wild and lovely journey. I appreciated my ex and didn't want a divorce. But when you truly love someone...if they want to be free...you open your hands and let the butterfly flutter away. Let go in love. Oh, I really didn't do that. I really wanted to kill him but I loved him too much to have bad thoughts. Besides..he gave me a most extraordinary child. So maybe to create this marvelous human being was the purpose of our union. Go into marriage wide-eyed with wonder and without expectations. That way every day is a universal lesson! Every moment is weaving the divine with the ordinary.

You have made me feel brave which I was not feeling so thank you. Thank you for stepping in and sharing all the wonderful-ness around your vacation/wedding/honeymoon! It has been extraordinary.

You are cool, too! I think we are kindred souls.

Keep sharing. Keep caring.

I am still so pissed at my ex-friend. I can feel she is going to want to wheedle her way back into my life since I am a good source of supply for her. Also, I am unpredictable and live an unpredictable life and she gets a rush from that vicariously.

But my happiness matters. You have made me see that. I think it is so wild and crazy you are doing your wedding and honeymoon and at the same time texting away on Psych Central. This has been the best time, sweetie!

Thank you and blessings on your marriage. Make memories. Believe me...they will sustain you in harder times. So make many of them. Go dance barefoot on the beach! [/QUOTE]

Thank you SO much!!!

YES, your happiness matters!!!!!

You have a good head on your shoulders. You know where you've been and what doesn't work for you. You also mentioned a creative side. Nurture it!!! I needed a creative outlet, that's why I developed my blog. Feed your soul, feed your spirit. That's how you heal from abuse and all that narc crap. Feed yourself what your spirit craves the most, and don't hold yourself back.

Narc abuse kind of to me, taints the spirit. It';s almost like we need to cleanse ourselves of the filth in order to heal and move on.....

Don't let your friend weasel her way back in. Just don't. And I don't think you will. You are very strong!!! Stronger than you may think!

I may not be replying to all you said, but I want to help encourage you.

This is a classic behavior of a narcissist. If she cannot cross the boundary line by one method, she will come up with another method.

That's why no contact is the only answer.

I considered blocking her on Facebook but didn't because I don't want to partake in any more drama. I only use Facebook minimally, anyway. Only go on a few times a year.

I can relate. I've gone almost no-contact with a covert narc. I'm sorry I didn't get your case right. I was just sharing perspective from my own experience but I respect that each case is unique.