[Foreign_Soul]

Am I being unreasonable here?

My partner is best man for his mate's wedding in just 3weeks. Friend hasn't even sent or given partner an invite. They've also expected partner to have free use of my car whenever so he could try on clothing, and then to attend the wedding which is 5hrs away and partner will be gone 2nights (they've organised and paid for his accommodation).

Now, when they first had a rough idea of their wedding date, partner and I were separated (pretty sure partner is autistic 'cause his communication is even worse than mine, which has caused a lot of issues for us).

By the time friend had decided on a date, or at least told partner, we were back together and trying to work on things, which this friend knew.

They have not invited my son and I, but have expected me to go out of my way for their wedding.

Not only am I really hurt by being excluded again (it's been a pattern with partner's friends for almost 7yrs and partner just sits by and says nothing), but I'm incredibly angry at the expectation that partner can just take my car whenever these friends want him to for THEIR wedding, which I'm not even invited to.

My psychologist said straight away that they're being rude and, while she didn't say anything about partner, she certainly seemed to be very appalled by his just sitting by and saying nothing. But partner has no issue with any of this and just keeps falling back on "we were separated when they started organising it".

I honestly have no idea what to think anymore. Am I being unreasonable in expecting partner to say something?

Also, since typing all this up I've found out that the friend deliberately didn't invite me. Everyone else has received their invitations and this friend has removed partner's choice as to whether he wants a plus one.
They also paid for and organised partner's accommodation for two nights without ever speaking to him about it, they've just made arrangements and expected that he'll be fine with it.
They've also since made travel arrangements as my car isn't even driveable now, but if it were I've made it very clear to partner that he will absolutely not have use of it.

I'm now at a point where I don't want partner to attend but if I ask him not to go then I'm doing exactly what an ex friend of his claims I've done (I haven't, I've repeatedly tried to get partner to organise things but he just won't)- keeping him from his friends. But it also feels like his friends are pushing me into this corner where I'm the bad guy, no matter what.

[divine1966]

Is this the same guy you were marrying few years back? Or is it a new guy?

If I was invited to a wedding and invitation wouldn’t include my husband, I’d not go. And I would be shocked if my husband went to a wedding if I wasn’t invited. I wouldn’t stay with him. Even if you two aren’t married, invitation should say plus one and you should be able to attend.

I’d not worry about what his friends do or think. You have no control over it. But you have control over your own life. Particularly control over who you are in a relationship with. If after years of being with a person you are still not fully his partner and can’t even attend events with him I’d say it’s time to move on. I’d feel he doesn’t value you. If he doesn’t value you, why would his friends?

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry that you are facing a challenge where YOUR boundaries are not being respected. It sounds like your partner doesn't understand boundaries and ends up allowing others to plan your partner's life for him and at their wim.

Now, when they first had a rough idea of their wedding date, partner and I were separated (pretty sure partner is autistic 'cause his communication is even worse than mine, which has caused a lot of issues for us).

This could be why your partner doesn't understand boundaries and tends to be dependent on others to organize and do FOR him including you now that you are back together. As far as you not being invited to this wedding, that is probably due to your partner's friend not knowing if your partnership is solid and not wanting to include you because they simply don't know if you are going to stay in a relationship with their friend or not. Also, this friend probably doesn't know that your partner tends to be dependent on you when you are together. People often are not really aware of the true dynamics of a relationship. In this case these "friends" are just trying to figure out how to do a wedding and probably don't know the etiquette. While you are back together, that could change and they don't really know YOU that well and are just trying to include him as a friend.

[Foreign_Soul]

Yes, same guy. We've been through a lot- finding out my son is autistic, I have my final appointment this week to find out if I fit the criteria for autism (there's absolutely no doubt I am, but as a woman there's a chance I won't fit in the diagnostic box), and later in the year partner is going to get an assessment for himself too. We're also pretty sure he has alexithymia as he's always struggled with emotions.

Partner has never received an actual invitation! Friend's response yesterday, when partner asked if he hadn't been given one because they don't want me there, was that he's been meaning to hand it to partner but because we've been working through things I wasn't invited. Which really sounds like they never wanted me there at all because why would you not give him the choice? Why would you not give an invite with "plus one" before the RSVP date, or just ask outright, unless you were actively excluding a person? Because every other person has received their invite.

I have told partner that this is 100% breaking point for me. If he won't say anything I don't want to keep trying, but I don't think just saying something is enough anymore. If any of my friends did this I wouldn't hesitate to tell them that either we're both able and welcome to attend, or I wouldn't be there.

But then, is asking him not to go crossing a line?

I'm so bloody confused by the whole thing!

[Foreign_Soul]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

As far as you not being invited to this wedding, that is probably due to your partner's friend not knowing if your partnership is solid and not wanting to include you because they simply don't know if you are going to stay in a relationship with their friend or not. Also, this friend probably doesn't know that your partner tends to be dependent on you when you are together. People often are not really aware of the true dynamics of a relationship. In this case these "friends" are just trying to figure out how to do a wedding and probably don't know the etiquette. While you are back together, that could change and they don't really know YOU that well and are just trying to include him as a friend.

The thing is, we've been together for almost 7yrs now, with the exception of a few months break recently, while still living together and raising a child (my son calls him dad). And even if they are unsure, why would you not actually give an invite with a plus one or just ask?
Literally every other person has received their invite and I know this friend has our address, they asked for it last year. Both the bride and groom are also in very high level jobs so attention to detail is a huge thing for them- this is not something that would be an oversight with them. It also seems very convenient that they booked and paid for partners accommodation and only told him after the fact and STILL haven't given him an actual invitation. He literally does not know where it will be or what time anything is happening, just the date and the town.

I know I suck at understanding people, but it all just seems to convenient for this to be just a misunderstanding. Partner is going to tell his friend tomorrow that he actually wants me there, but I'm not sure that'll make any difference.
I really do hope I'm just over analysing everything, but there's just so much that doesn't fit.

[divine1966]

I don’t know what you mean by you crossing a line.
Think your boyfriend crossed a line by even considering going without you. It’s not like you two just met and you are a casual girlfriend.

You keep focusing on his friends. Who knows what’s their agenda. Could be that your partner shares with them too much like telling them bad things about you and that’s why they don’t want you there. I’d not blame them as they owe you nothing. I’d focus on him. He is in the wrong by not addressing it

Do you depend on him? Is he a good partner overall?

[Open Eyes]

Well, given both you and your partner have challenges, it's understandable that you feel confused. My suggestion is not to give this wedding thing so much importance that it ruins your relationship with your partner. It's not the end of the world if neither you or your partner go to this wedding either.

[Foreign_Soul]

Originally Posted by divine1966

You keep focusing on his friends. Who knows what’s their agenda. Could be that your partner shares with them too much like telling them bad things about you and that’s why they don’t want you there. I’d not blame them as they owe you nothing. I’d focus on him. He is in the wrong by not addressing it

Do you depend on him? Is he a good partner overall?

In the past his communication difficulties have been a very big problem- he still misunderstands things I say, and vice versa, and he used to try and talk through things with other, now ex, friends.
When partner posted about it earlier this year those friends showed their true colours and abused us both, and partner has since cut ties with a lot of them as a result.
The abuse from one of them in particular has been so bad that my psychologist has been doing EMDR therapy with me over it.
That ex-friend has also convinced a lot of other ex-friends that I've stopped partner from seeing them and they won't believe him when he tells them I've actually pushed him to contact them.
So it's really hard not to think about his friends because I don't want partner to lose anyone else, even if it is because he stands up for me.

Besides our ridiculously frustrating communication issues he's great! It's taken us a long time but we're finally figuring out what we're both able to do and how (we also suspect he has ADHD as he struggles to do things without constant reminders due to getting distracted), and things have been steadily improving between us.

[MickeyCheeky]

I understand what you mean, Foreign_Soul, and I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! You've been given PLENTY of great, kind, wise and WONDERFUL ADVICE ON THIS THREAD! I'd suggest to follow it as much as you possibly CAN if you want to! I'm not sure if you should ask your partner not to go, but it's clear that this "friend" is truly not respecting your boundaries! I do believe it's not very kind of your partner to just sit there and do or say nothing about ANY OF THIS! I do believe you need to seriously talk to him about ALL of this and see how it goes from there if you haven't already! Hopefully he'll listen to what you have to say and understand what you mean! You're NOT the bad guy in ALL OF THIS! You're just asking for RESPECT and that's totally valid and you have every right to get it and to have your boundaries respected! I hope you'll AT LEAST be able to work things out with your husband one way or another! Like divine1966 has already wisely said better than I ever could, i wouldn't worry too much about what his "friends" think! Like Open Eyes has already wisely said better than I ever could, perhaps your partner just doesn't have a strong sense of BOUNDARIES either since it seems like his BOUNDARIES aren't being respected that much either in my opinion! Please do talk to him about it if you haven't already, ok? I hope you'll BOTH be able to work things out! Please keep us updated as much as you possibly CAN if you want to, ok? We do want to know how things are going for you and if things are getting ANY better for BOTH OF YOU! Just let us know if we can do ANYTHING AT ALL TO HELP YOU, OK? WE'LL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU AND WE'LL NEVER ABANDON YOU! I PROMISE YOU ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! PLEASE REMEMEBR ALL OF THAT BECAUSE IT IS TRUE! WISH YOU GOOD LUCK WITH ALL OF THIS! Let us know how it goes, ok? Sending many hugs to BOTH YOU AND YOUR PARTNER, Foreign_Soul! Please remember that you're NOT the "bad guy" and that you're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON!

Hello Foreign_Soul,

what a stressful and confusing situation! Sorry you are having these struggles. Thank you for sharing your truth! I've been in a similar though not identical situation. My partner and I have been together for years. We live together but are not married. We have no plans to marry; our own choice. Anyway, his cousin invited him to his wedding and the invitation made it clear that he could not have a plus one. My partner was not okay with this and called his cousin. He explained that he has a serious partner although we are not married so he would expect to bring me to the wedding just as a husband would bring his wife. His cousin refused to open up the invitation to me. He said their budget was limited and only married people could have a plus one in order to bring their spouse.

Here's another recent example. One of my female friends was getting married. She invited me and my partner. However, my other female friend is single and did not receive a plus one. She was offended and I completely understand and respect her point of view. Why should I get a plus one and she doesn't simply because she was not in a long-term relationship. Why couldn't she bring a date? Realistically, how many people want to go to a wedding with 300 guests on their own?? And if you can afford 300 guests, you can afford plus ones for all. If not, trim back the number and allow the plus one for all. To me, it is very rude and disrespectful to pick and choose who gets a plus one and who does not, or that spouses can bring their SO but long-term couples who live together cannot. Though I will tell you, where I live these rude practices around weddings are VERY common so I do not take them personally and cannot control them.

My partner went to the wedding without me. He was in a tough spot and I let it go. No big deal. I didn't lose sleep over it though I was not impressed by the bride and groom's choices. As for the other wedding, my single female friend vented her frustration about her zero plus one to me but did not wish to discuss with our friend the bride. So my partner and I made a fuss over our single friend, invited her to our home for a snack and a drink prior to the wedding...we shared an Uber there and sat at the same table together. It worked out okay. But I really think the hierarchical notion that married guests are most important, partnered unmarried guests are next, and single guests are least important is completely messed up. All adults should have a plus one. That is the polite and respectful way to invite people to one's wedding. And the plus one should be determined by the guest, not the bride and groom. If someone is so worried about budget or a deeply intimate setting with only people they know really well, they need to organize a small wedding with immediate family and lifelong friends only. A wedding of 300 guests is not intimate, no way no how. When brides and grooms start trying to evaluate who is a worthy partner for a plus one and who is not, well obviously they are skating on thin ice. My overall view of weddings (not marriage) is that they are typically ridiculous displays of exhibitionism, materialism, or wealth which have very little or nothing to do with marriage and togetherness. That explains why respect and decorum, on the part of the bride and groom, often seem to fly out the window whereas great attention is paid to registries (demands for gifts) and cakes and flowers etc.

As for you ForeignSoul, I would not spend too much time thinking about the wedding issue though I certainly understand your hurt and confusion. Instead, I would recommend couples therapy for yourself and your partner to address general themes of communication and mutual support etc.

I wish you and your family peace, hope, and a bright future!

[Molinit]

You're being shown where you stand. Pay attention to it and frankly, I'd rather be alone.

[unaluna]

This is truly a sad situation. You havent been able to make friends with these people in seven years, and now its like they are punishing you for that by excluding you from the groups celebrations. I wonder if there is any way to start over, to start fresh, using this time as a new beginning with these people? Would you even want to be friends with them going forward from here? How would things have to change, on both sides?

[Foreign_Soul]

Well, friends now won't give ceremony and reception details so we can't organise times for partner and son to call each other. Apparently they're "playing it by ear" which, having actually begun to plan a wedding myself, is the biggest load of bollocks I've ever heard.
But this is now a safety issue.
The last time partner was away and I was unable to give him details of at least roughly where partner was, when he'd be home, or when we could call, son had such a huge meltdown that I had to tell partner to get home ASAP and almost had to call an ambulance to sedate son (literally had my phone in my hand, dialing emergency, as partner messaged saying he was 15mins away).
Given partner will be in a different state, 4-5hrs away, I'm facing the very real possibility of us ending up in hospital, all because these people don't want to give details which every other damn person has.

[sarahsweets]

From what others have said, these relationship issues have been going on for a while. I think its ridiculous that you are not going and even worse that he is, and that he is ok with his friends treating you this way. I wouldnt stand for it. If his son has these issues and he still goes without any details and leaves it in your lap to me thats like child neglect and further demonstrates why you do not belong in a relationship with him. If you do not do something about it you will be making a choice to continue in an unhealthy relationship where you and your son are not a priority.

[healingme4me]

Is your son, his son too? And to leave you stranded with your child without transportation seems short sighted. I understand budgets around weddings and such but um this is bizarre to me. It's great for him to have the honor of best man, but can't he find another way there? You need that for you and your child.

[divine1966]

From my understanding your son isn’t your partners but is treated as his. It’s very nice. But does your son have some type of severe abandonment issues or something else? Going by what you posted he must be around 13-14 now. You worry he’d have a meltdown if father isn’t home? I apologize if you already shared what causes these meltdowns.

Personally I don’t give anyone my car. He can rent a car. Don’t give him the key

[Foreign_Soul]

My son is autistic and has separation anxiety. He also doesn't cope with change at all, which is why we need to sort all this out in advance. Partner and son are very close (bio dad isn't around at all and never has been)- son calls him dad. As son is almost 13 I can't do anything but call an ambulance if he has a meltdown and becomes physical, which is the last thing I want to do.
Partner has already discussed transport with his friend as I made it very clear that my car is off limits, although partner never assumed he'd have use of it, it was all his friend's assumption. It's not even driveable now anyway (I hit a kangaroo and the car may be a complete write off) but I'm still incredibly pissed off that his friend has been so completely inconsiderate of any of us.

Partner is trying to get information but his friend just keeps coming up with reasons why he doesn't have the info or can't give it, and it all just seems like a bunch of excuses.
Despite how rude the friend has been I do actually want partner to go; this is his best friend's wedding! But I cannot ignore the effect partner being gone for 2nights/3days will have on my son, and the very real safety issue that then becomes if we can't plan as much as possible. And I really don't think telling someone what time your ceremony and reception are is that big an ask, that info is typically included on an invitation anyway! Partner has even said he needs to organise times to call son and that we don't want to interrupt their wedding, but still just a "we're playing it by ear". So how exactly is everyone else supposed to know where to be and when? 🤔

[divine1966]

Is your son working with a professional on some strategies? It’s not always realistic to expect adults never living the house. Or not knowing exact schedule. It’s just 3 days. I
Do understand what struggles people with ASD might face.

Saying that your partner shouldn’t take you car. He should rent one. If he cannot afford it he shouldn’t go to the wedding.

[Foreign_Soul]

Originally Posted by divine1966

It’s not always realistic to expect adults never living the house. Or not knowing exact schedule. It’s just 3 days.

The thing is it's a wedding. The celebrant has to be booked for a certain time, the reception venue will be booked for a certain time, food will be set for certain times.

It is entirely realistic to expect to be given ceremony and reception times, regardless of the overall situation. Otherwise how is anyone supposed to know what time they need to be at the venue?
This is literally information that EVERYONE is given when you invite them to a wedding.

Both partner and I are full time carers for my son (partner can't work yet due to previous workplace injury) so 3days is a LOT. I am never away for more than a few hours and partner rarely goes anywhere (not through lack of me trying), so this is really big for son and every professional we have involved has said to set times for phone calls and stick to them, to let son know when partner will be leaving and when he'll be home, and for partner to let us know immediately if anything changes. I know that son doesn't quite need that level of strict planning, but knowing what time the ceremony and reception are means we can plan ahead for even just 5mins to call between them (because the bride and groom will likely have photos without the bridal party at some point), or a short call before everything begins or during the reception. But we cannot even plan one single call because we don't know what time the bridal party will even be getting ready.

And again, what we're asking for is basic information which every wedding guest is given, not any special favours but basic wedding information so we don't interrupt their day.

Partner is getting a lift there and back but even that is an unknown. It's not unreasonable to expect someone to communicate with you about this stuff, especially when there's kids involved.
Partner is feeling incredibly left out and like he's just an afterthought in all this now. 😞

Foreign_Soul, why not turn this into a weekend away together? You could go with your partner to the other state and bring your son. That way the three of you are together. You, your son, and your partner can get a hotel room together. Then, the next morning, your partner goes to his best friend's wedding ceremony, which means you and your son can leave your hotel and go explore the city with some planned sight seeing activities.

Then, once your partner is finished with the wedding ceremony, can meet up with you and your son, and then decide if your partner will go to the wedding reception, or spend the rest of the weekend with you and your son sight seeing.

Make it a fun family trip. This is the only realistic solution I see for you, aside from barring your partner from attending his best friend's wedding or breaking up with your partner of 7 years b/c his friends are total jerks for not inviting you and your son as your partner's plus one.

Or, you stay home with your son, and plan for a friend, relative or one of your son's aids to stay with you over the weekend that your partner will be gone, to help you care for your son while your partner is away. And, have your partner call your son while he can, and work around the unknown-time factor since your partner's friends won't accommodate your partner with the wedding ceremony and wedding reception time or venue information, which is very odd.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Foreign_Soul

The thing is it's a wedding. The celebrant has to be booked for a certain time, the reception venue will be booked for a certain time, food will be set for certain times.

It is entirely realistic to expect to be given ceremony and reception times, regardless of the overall situation. Otherwise how is anyone supposed to know what time they need to be at the venue?
This is literally information that EVERYONE is given when you invite them to a wedding.

Both partner and I are full time carers for my son (partner can't work yet due to previous workplace injury) so 3days is a LOT. I am never away for more than a few hours and partner rarely goes anywhere (not through lack of me trying), so this is really big for son and every professional we have involved has said to set times for phone calls and stick to them, to let son know when partner will be leaving and when he'll be home, and for partner to let us know immediately if anything changes. I know that son doesn't quite need that level of strict planning, but knowing what time the ceremony and reception are means we can plan ahead for even just 5mins to call between them (because the bride and groom will likely have photos without the bridal party at some point), or a short call before everything begins or during the reception. But we cannot even plan one single call because we don't know what time the bridal party will even be getting ready.

And again, what we're asking for is basic information which every wedding guest is given, not any special favours but basic wedding information so we don't interrupt their day.

Partner is getting a lift there and back but even that is an unknown. It's not unreasonable to expect someone to communicate with you about this stuff, especially when there's kids involved.
Partner is feeling incredibly left out and like he's just an afterthought in all this now. 😞

Of course people know when wedding is, it’s realistic expectation. I meant it’s not always realistic for your son to know where adults are at any given time. Your partner can always find 5 minutes to call in between things. It might not be exact time. But it’s up to him to find the time

Now you are asking why these people not providing exact time knowing about the kid. They clearly don’t care about the kid or you, otherwise you’d be invited. They might not be telling your partner about the time frame because they are afraid you’ll show up. They for whatever reasons dislike you.

But I’d take focus of them and focus on your own family. Personally I’d not go to a wedding where my husband isn’t welcome. If your guy chooses to go, take it up with him. You can’t control how these people do things. You can only control yourself

I agree with divine1966 that it's unrealistic for you to expect your partner's friends to accommodate your autistic son's needs regarding the timed phone calls. My nephew is autistic and over the years whenever my sister or BIL were invited to a wedding, one of them always stayed behind with my nephew and neither of them resented the other one for going to the wedding without them.

You don't need to break up with your partner over this. I'd say, you have choices:

1. Make it a fun family weekend trip so your partner can go to the wedding. This supports your partner since it's his best friend, and you and your son can have fun doing something out of town. I don't know how severe your son's autism is.
2. You can stay home with your son, and ask someone to stay over the weekend to help you manage your son's separation anxiety. Make arrangements with your son's therapist or doctor to be on-call for you, should you need advice.

Having a child with autism isn't easy. I know this, as an aunt to my nephew. I've watched my sister and BIL juggle social commitments over the years sometimes struggling with resenting each other, but always coming back together in love and support b/c of their shared love of my nephew. This weekend my BIL and his other son are on a fishing weekend, while my sister stays home with her autistic son who has the flu.

I don't think you are the bad guy, Foreign_Soul, as long as you look for the compromise in every situation where everyone's needs get met somehow. In the case of your partner's friends' unwillingness to be straightforward with him about their wedding ceremony and reception time and venue information ahead of time, which is normally printed on the wedding invitations, I'd say discuss alternatives with your partner. You and your son could go with him and make it a fun family weekend trip, so you can still be together. Or, let your partner go, assure your son that his step-dad (your partner) will call him when he can, while he is away at the wedding, and set up activities with your autistic son to do, to address his separation anxiety.

I think the real issue here is your autistic son's separation anxiety. The wedding presents a challenge b/c it takes away your partner from your son, so you are naturally worried how your son will handle being away from his step-dad. How have you handled their separation from each other in the past? Have they been apart before? What sort of things worked? Maybe use those sort of things again, for the wedding. Don't let this wedding break apart your family or cause any more distress. Try to find a way to work with the circumstances, so that both you, your son, and your partner will all be happy with the outcome.

[divine1966]

I agree with points that streetcar makes but I see the issue that you aren’t invited to the wedding and your partner didn’t even have an option of +1. Your partner going to the wedding and you are staying behind because of your son it is one thing, but him going alone and you not going because you aren’t welcome there is very different.

[Foreign_Soul]

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

Foreign_Soul, why not turn this into a weekend away together? You could go with your partner to the other state and bring your son. That way the three of you are together. You, your son, and your partner can get a hotel room together. Then, the next morning, your partner goes to his best friend's wedding ceremony, which means you and your son can leave your hotel and go explore the city with some planned sight seeing activities.

We can't afford to with just two weeks to go. We only just found out exact dates a little over a week ago.
I'd been planning a holiday to this town before the friend announced their engagement but put it on hold when they told partner where they were getting married, with the intention of organising a weekend away for us all, regardless of whether son and I were invited, so we could "kill two birds with one stone".
Only instead of giving partner dates they went ahead and organised partner's accommodation without ever speaking to partner first (they did not do this to anyone else).
If partner had been given dates when everyone else was then we would be all going over and this wouldn't be an issue. Although partner would still need times because son wouldn't go to sleep until partner returned from the wedding, but that would be far easier than this.

I don't have anyone so people staying isn't an option. We also don't have aides. It is only partner and I. We see two different paeds (one public, one private) and have recently finished our available sessions with OT. Unfortunately the system here sucks unless you can pay thousands out of pocket, which we can't. However, I also don't believe that autistics should always bend around others, especially if the accommodation an autistic needs doesn't actually cause another person any harm or difficulty, which this absolutely doesn't.

Neither of us can wrap our heads around why they won't give him these details but have given out invitations to everyone else, which would HAVE to include times and venue/s. Partner actually said tonight that if this wasn't for their wedding he'd think he was being set up to be killed.
He's going to try and speak to them both again tomorrow but he really shouldn't have to. Why on earth would you not tell your best man what time or where the ceremony and reception were?
I just keep hoping this friend is just being forgetful, but the response really doesn't sound like it. 😣

Then, I think the easiest solution here is to just stay home with your son, plan some activities with him and reassure him that your partner will call your son when he can, while he is away at his best friend's wedding.

To expect your partner's friends or your partner to accommodate your autistic son is unrealistic and not helpful to your son. Your partner can't control his friends' choices and it is not his wedding or your wedding. So, to blame your partner for his friend's behavior isn't fair to your partner. Just let your partner go to his friend's wedding, and plan activities with your son around your partner's absence, and let your partner call your son when he can. There isn't really anything you can do to make your partner or his friends accommodate your son's separation anxiety. You need to figure this one out yourself.

Your focus should be on how to accommodate your son, not on why your partner's friends won't tell him specifics for the wedding venue and reception. At this point, who cares about the wedding ceremony time and reception time.

Even if you knew these times, your son will still experience separation anxiety. So, that needs to be your focus. Not the wedding. But your son's response to being without his step-dad. How will you address it? Who is your back up, to help you, friend-wise, or family-wise, or neighbor-wise. Is there an emergency phone number you can call for help.

I know you are stressed about being left alone to deal with your autistic son's separation anxiety. If you really don't want to be all alone, then tell your partner of 7 years that you need him to either stay with you and not attend the wedding, or help you find people who can stay with you over the weekend who will help you with your autistic son.