[youOme]

It's been this way my entire life but it especially been revealed to me when we were abandoned my mother left me in the system but got my sister back home. Her and my sister get along very well and team up against me. My Mother also favors my sister's son and doesn't treat my kids as well. She always says that my nephew is "special" and "there's just something about him" also "he will be something someday, look how beautiful he is". She never says anything even close to that about my kids, she never even asks about them anymore...just my nephew.

Just recently my Mom had made plans to ride up north to visit my sister, when I asked her if I could come and spend the weekend up north with them she said "who will take care of my dogs". When I suggested that my husband and kids stay the weekend at her house to make sure the dogs are cared for she refused indicating that my husband is unable to care for dogs.....the father of two toddlers, come on now.

She just doesn't want me to come. When I asked my sister to tell her she wanted me to come...there was silence, no reply. I just hung up.....I'm very hurt by this. I've always been the outcast in this family.

[wounded1]

A wise woman (OK my Mom), used to tell me "you can't get blood from a stone". You also can't get love from those unable, or unwilling to give it. We don't choose our families, and although we may have to "love each other", it doesn't necessarily mean we like each other. For a mother to feel this way about a daughter is unfathomable to me, as is playing favorites, but parenthood is not a ticket to sainthood.
My own sister and I don't like each other, don't respect each other, and have no relationship. I don't agree with the way she lives, she doesn't agree with my life choices. Fortunately our Mom (a single parent), loves and likes us both, although her relationship with each of us is different, and I don't agree with the way she lets my sister treat her. I learned long ago that any sort of relationship with my sister beyond civility is not possible, and to be honest, I think it's better for everyone. I, like you, have two small children, and decided my own family is my priority. I can't worry about my sister, or my Mom for that matter. They're grown women, with their own lives to live, and I have to worry about making a life for my kids. The freedom of that choice is enormous, let me tell you! I used to get angry, or frustrated with them both, now I just say "whatever".
For your own sanity, stop the cycle of hurt. You can't control anyone elses behavior or attitude, but most certainly can control your own. And always remember, those that give love freely, deserve to receive love freely. Good luck.

P.S.
I did let them both know how I felt before I "wrote them off".

[Perna]

Why, when you're all grown up, do you want to be with these women? My T taught me the difference between like and love and I discovered though I loved my stepmother I certainly didn't like her and that made it much easier not to feel like I had to do what she wanted/be with her when we weren't exactly friends? Tell your mother you've made other plans yourself and you don't know who will look after her dogs since she declined your husband and children doing it.

[_Hope_]

Sorry you are hurting. What she does is not your fault.

I can understand what you are feeling here. It has been this way my whole life. I have accepted the fact I will never get what I need from my family and I have stopped looking to get it. Yes it would be nice if someday that would change but I don't expect it or hope for it. This way I am not disappointed when they behave as they always do .

Linda

[wickedwings]

i'm so terribly sorry for the way your mom treats you and your family, youome. you're a wonderful person, and there's nothing wrong with you.

[Doh2007]

I'm so sorry you are being mistreated. My mother has to have one good daughter and one bad daughter to keep her world intact. Always. She never likes us both at the same time.

It sounds like she's assigned you the role of scapegoat in the dysfunctional family dynamics.

[Ocean13]

I totally get what you're saying. Sometimes we have to just let go. I had to let mine go and do what I call, "Self Preserving". I had to live my life for me with or without them. Loving me or not loving me. I couldn't care about what they thought anymore. I've been soooo much better off since then. I'm building my own life.

I hope you'll be able to find Peace too!

*Peace & Love*

Ocean