Signs of an Immature Person (adult)

Jun 06, 2019, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I agree 100% with this Blanch, and I myself have experienced way too many toxic scenarios where I was literally told that MY feelings don't matter and that what I value should not have value simply because the other person did not value or even know anything about what I did and created that had value either. If I happen to reach out for help and end up hearing that my feelings don't matter I would rather that other person respect me and step back rather than insisting I see the world the way they do and not value whatever I happen to value. So that person saying to me that it's ok to have my own feelings and they will stop expecting me to only see things their way and they will step back, I am not going to just assume they are a bad person. There have been times where I TRY to help another person and for whatever reason my input isn't really helping and that person want's to distance, I will step back too, doesn't mean I am being spiteful or bad or disrespectful by agreeing to step back.

The truth is it's not black and white, there definitely is a lot of gray when it comes to interacting with other people. Sometimes with these articles that lay out things to watch out for in others that can mean that person is a toxic or a bad person can pull you in a direction of thinking anyone who exhibits "some" of these behaviors is a bad person. Everyone has some narcisism in them, it's simply a part of being human. We all have our weaknesses and insecurities.

Often a person that has been deeply hurt by a narcissistic person is VERY sensitive, that's very understandable. Let's face it when a person is only able to see things according to their own truths and ends up blowing up at or playing their withholding toxic game and you are the victim? It can really take time to heal and try to trust again. Part of the healing is spending time learning what to watch out for in other people so you don't end up once again getting sucked into that awful trap of once again being abused and hurt. There is the sarcastic "you can have your own feelings" and an actual caring of "yes, I understand you can have your own feelings and I will step back if you wish". It's not permission, it's respect, there is a difference.

But you didn't answer my question. Please provide me with a clear cut example of what you meant, telling me that when someone tells you its fine if you don't want to be their friend, that doesn't indicate they are a bad person. I am trying to understand where you're coming from, but from where I stand, that doesn't make sense to me at all.

All you've done in your post above, is attack me for my opinion. What your post is doing, is gaslighting me, by telling me that I'm sensitive so my perceptions are wrong because I'm sensitive. That's not very nice, or accurate. It is fine if you want to disagree with me, but you are not allowed to attack me for disagreeing with you.

sarahsweets · Jun 07, 2019, 04:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Often a person that has been deeply hurt by a narcissistic person is VERY sensitive, that's very understandable. Let's face it when a person is only able to see things according to their own truths and ends up blowing up at or playing their withholding toxic game and you are the victim? It can really take time to heal and try to trust again. Part of the healing is spending time learning what to watch out for in other people so you don't end up once again getting sucked into that awful trap of once again being abused and hurt. There is the sarcastic "you can have your own feelings" and an actual caring of "yes, I understand you can have your own feelings and I will step back if you wish". It's not permission, it's respect, there is a difference.

I am not trying to be contrary or disrespectful but are you saying Blanche is too sensitive because of her experiences with narcissists and unable to see things in a clearer way? I am geniunely asking because I am unclear. When you say withholding do you mean Blanche is withholding something and shouldn't be?

Jun 08, 2019, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

"it's your prerogative not to be friends with me but no one else is bothered by my no-showing as much as you are."

When someone is a no-show, the normal thing to do is to apologize.

"no one else is bothered by my no-showing as much as you are"

is straight forward enough for me to know that he lacks both consideration and common sense.

Jun 09, 2019, 05:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ennie

When someone is a no-show, the normal thing to do is to apologize.

"no one else is bothered by my no-showing as much as you are"

is straight forward enough for me to know that he lacks both consideration and common sense.

Thank you ennie! He definitely lacks both consideration and common sense. This is the same guy who has one night stands with younger women, dumps them, then attempts to keep them on an emotional hook (his female friend told me this...in front of him, when we met for lunch once).

He didn't even seem bothered by a new person (me) knowing he was such an asshole, aka cad. No wonder his wife divorced him! I can only imagine the psychological manipulative hell he must have put her through when they were married.

Even if I had an enormous social circle, behavior like this guy's is just unacceptable. While I understand there are times people need to cancel plans, if they won't even respect me enough to tell me in advance via text, or email, or a phone call, then why should I give them a chance to be my friend? I hate people like this guy, who play these manipulative games.

TheUrOther · Jun 09, 2019, 09:36 PM

That list is like a checklist for every person I've ever interacted with, at least face-to-face. Every such person is all but a couple of these things at most. My parents, in particular, acted as if this was a list of virtues to excel at. If it wasn't for their abuse driving me to be the opposite of all of these, who knows what I'd be like. My entire childhood was filled with these people - but to be fair, that means most of them were children...

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