[Lostin]

I need some relationship advice. I'm in a relationship that I know is toxic, but I feel like I can't leave because I feel like she is the only person that would want to have a relationship with me, and because I'm worried about her hurting herself if I try to leave her. I'm at a point where I don't if I can save my relationship, but I want to still try to save it ,but I just can't deal with everything going on in my relationship. I can't deal with her using drugs again. I can't deal with her lying to me, and manipulating me. I can't deal with managing my mental health, and hers. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just need any advice you can give me.

[winter4me]

You can leave, and should. She is in trouble for sure but likely much stronger than you think. Remember too that what people do generally has to do with themselves, not you.
The question to ask yourself, maybe is "What do I get from this relationship?" because not wanting to leave means there is something in it for you despite the toxicity---and it isn't likely to be a healthy 'need' or desire. It is really important that you be able to live with yourself before forming an intimate relationship. It is OK to be alone, and more likely you will be able to meet your own needs. Once you can meet your own needs, you can think of meeting another's. In the meantime there are casual/activity oriented Meetup groups (or go for volunteering somewhere) that can help address both loneliness and the need to engage with something outside yourself.
It isn't easy advice, I know that.....((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Originally Posted by Lostin

but I feel like I can't leave because I feel like she is the only person that would want to have a relationship with me,

Why do you feel this way?

[MickeyCheeky]

If the relationship is toxic for you, Lostin, definitely end it! I understand your fears but trust me that you're much better off alone than in a toxic relationship! I'm sure you'll be able to find someone who loves you and respects you! I'd suggest to work on yourself first though! It is important to take care of ourselves before we can take care of other people! Just remember that you can't save other people! They're the ones who need to do the work! I completely agree with what all the other wise, wonderful posters have already wisely said better than I ever could! As for her, I'd suggest to just tell her to seek the help of a professional since she's struggling so much! It is not fair of her to damage your own mental health after all! Definitely cut off contacts with her if you can! It will be hard at first but YOU CAN MAKE IT! Keep working on yourself! Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help! You could learn new things and new ways to cope with your feelings! Please DO consider it if you aren't already seeing one! I hope you'll be able to get the help YOU NEED AND DESERVE! I hope things will get better soon for you! PLEASE NEVER GIVE UP HOPE! YOU MATTER AND YOU ARE IMPORTANT! THAT'S A PROMISE! WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK IN YOUR LIVES TO BOTH YOU AND HER! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and her!

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Lostin

I need some relationship advice. I'm in a relationship that I know is toxic, but I feel like I can't leave because I feel like she is the only person that would want to have a relationship with me, and because I'm worried about her hurting herself if I try to leave her. I'm at a point where I don't if I can save my relationship, but I want to still try to save it ,but I just can't deal with everything going on in my relationship. I can't deal with her using drugs again. I can't deal with her lying to me, and manipulating me. I can't deal with managing my mental health, and hers. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just need any advice you can give me.

First reason to stay because you feel like there will be no one else is basically settling for what you have even though it's not good. Do you really think that this is a solid reason to stay with someone? It's not that you think she's great for you or you're great for each other but fear of being alone. Wrong reason #1

Reason 2, that you're worried that she'll hurt herself - it's not a good reason either. You should be in a relationship with someone capable of being independent of you and your staying due to risk of her harming herself is pretty much like that is you being hostage to that.

so far in your post you have not mentioned anything alludes to you being with this person because you are happy or committed to her but seem more entwined in it feeling obligated and trapped. Problem is it's hard to get out of that thinking even if you know it's bad but all the more reason you should.

What about this relationship is good, that are reasons that make you want to stay - is there anything? something to ask yourself.

[Lostin]

I just want to say that I want to say thank you to everyone who replied to my OP, I'm going to consider the advice I've been given before I make my decision. I will look into therapy no matter what I decide to see if It can help me with my mental help.

[Lostin]

Originally Posted by theoretical

Why do you feel this way?

She is the only person who I've ever had a relationship with who understands me, and who actually cares about me.

Originally Posted by Lostin

She is the only person who I've ever had a relationship with who understands me, and who actually cares about me.

Supposing that is true, that doesn't mean she's the only one who ever will.

[wonderluster]

Originally Posted by Lostin

I just can't deal with everything going on in my relationship. I can't deal with her using drugs again. I can't deal with her lying to me, and manipulating me. I can't deal with managing my mental health, and hers. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just need any advice you can give me.

You can't deal with the relationship.

End the relationship so you can deal with your life.

[sarahsweets]

If she threatens to harm herself call emergency services.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by Lostin

...I feel like she is the only person that would want to have a relationship with me, and because I'm worried about her hurting herself if I try to leave her.... I can't deal with her using drugs again. I can't deal with her lying to me, and manipulating me...

Many times, people will manipulate you by making a person feel guilty and unworthy--look for these messages, recognize them and disagree. Once you recognize their techniques, they have less power. Then they will either stop if you insist or take it to a new level of nastiness. Yes, a drug addiction or mental health issue could be causing the nastiness but if you are firm about it then if it is a drug or mental issue by telling them you won't put up with it--if they love you, they might eventually do what is best for them in the long run. It can be hard to know if it is a mental issue or you are just being used so don't be used. If it is a mental issue then you can be there for them when they show they are getting help (by their actions not their words!) Some people will use you up if you let them. Don't let them.

[TunedOut]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

If she threatens to harm herself call emergency services.

I agree. This protects both you and her. If it is a ploy to manipulate you, if you consistently do this, she will stop. When I was suicidal, I didn't tell anyone (except one time and I went to see find help the next day)--I didn't want anyone to be able to stop me. Not everyone may act like this so report it so that you will feel like you did what you could. You would feel bad if you didn't and something happened.

[OSP123]

The best thing that you can do for yourself, and for her is to leave the relationship. You will find someone else, and keeping yourself in a relationship that you are unhappy in is not benefiting you or her. You need to realize that you deserve so much better than someone who is lying to you and manipulating you. You are so much better off alone than in a toxic relationship!!!

[divine1966]

Trust me there are nice people out there who’d treat you well. She isn’t the one. She should seek professional hemp in regards to her issue and you’d. benefit from therapy working on your self esteem and self worth. You can do better than this toxic situation.

[Lostin]

I've decided that I need to do what is best for the both of us, and break up with her. It's going to be painful, but it needs to be done.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Lostin

I've decided that I need to do what is best for the both of us, and break up with her. It's going to be painful, but it needs to be done.

That’s very very wise. Sending you many hugs. Be strong and reach out to us again if you need support

Originally Posted by Lostin

I've decided that I need to do what is best for the both of us, and break up with her. It's going to be painful, but it needs to be done.

Congratulations! This is the first moment of a happier and healthier life for you. Yes, I understand it will be painful You have my empathy. I think the most important changes I've made in my life were really painful. Now I look back and thank myself for making those painful changes. I hope that one day, not too far down the road, you will look back and thank yourself for this decision.

Peace, hope, and a bright future to you! You deserve it!!!