It seems to be happening again

Sisabel,
I think you should join us on SilverTrees 3000 questions thread. I am guilty of liking to talk about myself and that thread is all about talking about yourself. I would be interested in seeing your responses.

Yes, can be hard when what you are used to talking about is depression, getting triggered by relationships and the like. If you brought that stuff up with a new IRL acquaintence, they might run for the hills.

I believe in you Sisabel! You are making healthy changes. It takes time and there could be a few natural bumps along the way but I think your efforts will pay off for you in time. Also, I want to commend your courage! I currently lack such courage. Had a trauma not too long ago, friends disappeared, and I put up my walls. I rarely talk to anyone other than my other half and PC folks now. I just mention because I admire your resilience and tenacity. I can't really complain because I gave up on the idea of offline friendship several months ago. I haven't given up forever but I'm being honest that I just don't have the courage or strength to try again now. So, by contrast Sisabel, I think you should really be giving yourself credit for your latest efforts. You can't win if you're not in...as they say

You seem brave to me SilverTrees, plus you are new on here--you are just warming up, soon you will be spilling your guts like some of the rest of us.

Trying to be funny (but mean what I said though I get predictions wrong sometimes. Hope it worked. I am sorry about the trauma and friendship problems.

Well. Here’s a thought. Maybe I’m not as good a listener as I think I am? Maybe I don’t offer the empathy and advice that I think I do? Maybe my friendships are more of a reflection of myself than I think. I don’t know. But I will say this... I do spend more time, in general, responding to other people’s texts and not getting responses back when I text. Or gradually I end up becoming more and more of a listener when things didn’t start out that way. I’ll look at my own behaviors more closely though. I’m doing something that doesn’t make for good friendships...

If you get any insight into this, let us know. It's easy to avoid relationships that are extremely lopsided to begin with but it is harder when they develop this feature slowly over time.

Sisabel,

I think you should join us on SilverTrees 3000 questions thread. I am guilty of liking to talk about myself and that thread is all about talking about yourself. I would be interested in seeing your responses.

Bahahaha! I actually NEVER talk about depression or PTSD with offline friends. Too risky. I suppose by 'real" I just meant real life...other than small talk. Do you know what I mean?


In the offline world, I am considered an extrovert, a helper, and the life and soul of the party if you can believe that. Didn't get me too far though...from a friendship point of view

Here’s an example of the lopsided, pushover stuff I do.

... a “friend” who doesn’t work outside the home would only make time to talk with me in the morning while I was heading into work.... Or she would talk in the evening when I needed to get ready for bed because I get up early for work....

...She never, ever had time to talk on the weekends. Never. Which is the only time I have because I work all week. One time I called her on a Saturday in tears over a sad event... I called a few times and she was sending my calls to voice mail. So I texted her and told her I was hurt that she wasn’t there when I needed her... yet I made a lot of time for her.

...She said she had been busy washing her car...And that friendships aren’t about keeping tabs on who is there for the other the most.

She’s right about that. Friendships aren’t about keeping tabs. But guess what happened when I stopped accommodating her calls all during my work week... she didn’t want to bother with me anymore.

I was an idiot. Never again. No more friendships like that ever again. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I’ve mad at myself over stupid stuff like that lately. Maybe we have to get angry at ourselves to finally stop doing these things.

I don't know if this is thread-appropriate Sisabel but I just opened some dark chocolate. Delicious. If you were here, I'd share with you and listen to your truth. Peace to you

Anger is healthy, yes. It's a guide...listen to it. I have family members (far away) who only contact me when the time difference suits them....never mind if I'm in the middle of my day. Now I've just stopped responding. (Time difference not our only problem....abuse) Doesn't feel great but I'm working on putting myself first. I recommend that you do the same. That wasn't a good friend but more of a patient really. She wanted you to be her unpaid doctor or therapist. Been there.

You’re exactly right. Thank you for reading that. I didn’t mean to post such a long post. I edited it to make it shorter but you were kind to read and respond to the whole thing.

Here’s an example of the lopsided, pushover stuff I do.

... a “friend” who doesn’t work outside the home would only make time to talk with me in the morning while I was heading into work.... Or she would talk in the evening when I needed to get ready for bed because I get up early for work....

...She never, ever had time to talk on the weekends. Never. Which is the only time I have because I work all week. One time I called her on a Saturday in tears over a sad event... I called a few times and she was sending my calls to voice mail. So I texted her and told her I was hurt that she wasn’t there when I needed her... yet I made a lot of time for her.

...She said she had been busy washing her car...And that friendships aren’t about keeping tabs on who is there for the other the most.

She’s right about that. Friendships aren’t about keeping tabs. But the friendship with her died when I stopped accommodating her.

I was an idiot. Never again. No more friendships like that ever again.

My mouth is hanging open at this: She said she had been busy washing her car...And that friendships aren’t about keeping tabs on who is there for the other the most.


That's brutal. I am just shaking my head.

I really think you may be closer to peace than you realize. I wish for you several wonderful, kind friends who appreciate you as you are.

Thank you and I hope the same is true for you. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling depressed lately.

I am confused by the 3000 thread. The problem is I only use PC on my phone and I must be missing a lot of stuff so I’ll need to pull the computer out.