Jealous of my partners relationship with his colleague

My boyfriend has this colleague he has to work closely with..he hasn’t kept anything secret and tells me about her and where they go, etc. I guess I feel jealous because he’s with her I would say 2-3 days per week few hours a day.. The other day she was distraught about something traumatic that happened and she calls him. So he went to her house to calm her down...I don’t know how I feel about that exactly...I know it’s about trust and not feeling insecure. They know who I am ( he told me he told them all about me) so I should trust he wouldn’t do anything bad right?

Help 😏

Are they together 2-3 days a week after work hours for several hrs? Or are they together a few hours at work for just a few days of the week? Big difference. Does she call and text him all the time after work? Does she call or text late at night? Do u think any boundaries are crossed or do you think they’re within bounds?

His going to her house to "comfort" her - i think youre being cheated on. From what ive seen of my young coworkers, and what ive seen on other forums.

work hours only and no she doesn’t call or text him

First you said she called him and he went to her house but now you are saying she doesn’t call him. So she does or she doesn’t?

This is nothing to do with insecurities. Your husband is out of his mind going to female coworkers houses to comfort them. Inappropriate. Even if he doesn’t cheat, it’s inappropriate

the only line being crossed was her contacting him for something personal..usually it’s strictly business but apparently she was desperate and needed someone to talk to..what happened to her was tragic but I don’t know if it was appropriate..he sees her as a sister but I think he may be a bit naive

she doesn’t contact him after hours is what I meant..I think he was being naive. People get a jist of that, they will talk. She wasn’t too smart even putting him in that position. But he being a dope thinking it’s a compliment..no she had no one else to call so she was desperate.

How do you know she has no one else to call and is desperate? Did he tell you that?

yes. She told him she is desperate

She actually said she is “desperate”? That sounds strange. People don’t usually talk like this about themselves. The whole story is strange. My husband only has eyes on me and I am not a jealous person. But if he just got up and left to female coworkers house because she is supposedly desperate, it would not work out for me. Maybe if you are just casually dating, it’s no big deal but still weird.

As unaluna pointed out he is possibly cheating. Maybe not. But he lacks boundaries

Is this the same guy who requested space from you because you just too dependent on him and want too much of him. At the same time he isn’t bothered by the fact that coworker is desperate? So his girlfriend being desperate bothers him but he isn’t bothered by coworker being desperate. He doesn’t want space from a coworker? This guy has some nerves!

It will never end. There will be other jobs, other co workers, and he will continue to do this. It will not stop. What was so tragic anyway?

Well I have been the partner in the background while the other socialises with his colleagues.

I do feel a line has been crossed here. I would not tolerate my partner doing things alone with their work chum of the opposite sex - ever. It is one thing to have a beer after work with a group from the office another to do so alone. This sort of thing isn't appropriate. Also what is definitely not appropriate is when that work colleague becomes a confidant.

Exactly.

There are some exceptions of course re being a confidant.

My husband has an old female friend, classmate from nursing school from years back before me and him met. They remain friends. She is married as well. When my mom was dying, she was on the phone with me helping with great advice (she is in a different branch of nursing than my hubs). We see them periodically, are going to visit them this summer as they live across the state etc Last time my husband went to visit them I didn’t go because I couldn’t get off work, he went to take something to them that her husband could use and we didn’t want in our house. I certainly am not jealous. So if she calls to talk once in a blue moon, I can’t care less if my husband talks to her or what about. They talk about their jobs usually that can get boring. They also ask each other professional advice. She is his friend, not mine, but I know her and her husband. There is nothing secretive or romantic there whatsoever. .

I think these type of scenarios are different from going to some random coworkers house. OP hasn’t met this person. Doesn’t know her. They aren’t old trusted friends. Personally if he considers this girl close friend or whatnot, I’d expect to meet her and I’d expect we both went to her house to help her out if she needed something. I’d not appreciate this secrecy.

it’s really just inappropriate. First, she shouldn’t even be asking him to come to her house in the first place. They work together, and she gets him clients but that’s as far as it should go. They go to different sites together and she drives him around in her car. He claims she is like his “sister” but he is really clueless. What kind of idea do you think your fellow colleagues will get? Then he will get defensive if anyone says anything. He doesn’t get that when you are just friends with someone there are some lines you should not cross and that includes running to her house just because she was desperate and told him during working hours that she needs him to come right now. I am going to have a long talk with him and if he can’t respect my boundaries, I’ll move on and be with someone who will. Then he wonders why his female friends start getting weird and almost controlling over him. It’s only a matter of time before it happens with this one. He was friends with his other colleague and she was telling him all her personal problems and then she started getting mean and he wonders why 🙄

Well, that puts a different slant on it, if they are out and about on a regular basis. He has a job working outside with women partners, kinda like a cop. In that case, yes, i would be more inclined to buy the "sister" designation. Its not like everybody who works together gets together.

I agree with the other posters that it was rather inappropriate, Traveljunkie. Having a long talk with him seems the best solution. Hopefully you'll be able to reach an agreement about boundaries and how far you can both take the, If not, perhaps it is time to reconsider your relationship with him, especially if it's not the first time. Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, Traveljunkie, and to ALL the people you Love and who TRULY Love you!

yes...to be perfectly honest, I’ve never been ok with my S.O. having friends...they always seem to be jealous of me, I try to befriend him but they still seem jealous..I have a male best friend but he lives far away and I’ve known him for 10 years. I mentioned to my partner the other night that I want to go to his job site. Even though he has told them about me, I’m going to plan a visit soon. I would have to take the day off work so wouldn’t be until next month.

thank you...it’s a holiday so I’m not stressing it today but after I’ll deal with it. He’s got this kind of syndrome I guess where he tries to save people..same with his ex. He seems to attract codependent people in his life. I am a little codependent also but not to that extreme where I need “saving” 😏

Its like George used to say on Seinfeld about his worlds colliding - why should these worlds collide? He is WORKING. I understand, she did intrude on your world that one time. If that continues to happen, then it becomes more of a sneaking out problem, doesnt it? I guess i would wait until that happened. But if you are happy when you are together, and you are not getting other weird vibes that he is being untruthful?

No...I mean he could have lied about being in her house

I don’t think he is naive and clueless. He might be enjoying all this attention and playing a savior. Some men like it.

Yes, they know what they are doing. And they know it is wrong.

I say if he is responsive to it then why is it wrong? I’d say he is free to say no. I’d hold him responsible, not them. He isn’t married or engaged. In their eyes he is a single guy and they are free to hit on him or what not. Maybe this work place is flexible about it. It’s up to him to say no and let them know that he is not available.

Sorry you're going through this I don't have any advice to offer but would like to share my experiences with you. I'm not saying this is what's happening but want to put it out there.

I used to date a guy who would train my starters on the computer system they would use.
He was very outgoing and friendly, his training sessions would consist of about 10-15 delegates which he would trian for up to 3 months.
The nature of the job meant that a lot of the new staff were university leavers or just young people from school etc.
Part of the training was team building which meant social events which included him and often ended up with a lot of the team continuing on for some drinks etc in the evening. Turns out he was sleeping with a very young delegate, she would text or call him at weekends evenings etc when we were together and he'd ignore the call. He changed her name in his phone to a guy's name then said he was hanging out with this 'guy' cut a long story short we are no longer together!!

My current partner manages a region. This means he is often travelling in his car to and from, meeting different people. Often spending the day (work day) with various colleagues as that's just part of his job.
He colleagues are a mix or male and female young and old etc but that's just part of his job.
Every so often he will have to stay away for a night where they will meet for a drink and just be social. More often than not as he has an early meeting the next day he's back in his room for 9 going to sleep.
He staff and colleagues call him up from about 8am - up to midnight, again that's his job but he answers every call, is happy for me to be present when he's talking to colleagues and is very open.

I trust him 100% as I know it's purely work.
To be honest at first I was a little wobbly about it as he would have female co workers contact him at 11pm but only because something has gone wrong and it's a business call and it was very business. This has happened how do I sort it etc.
I join him where possible for anything social and work related and the people he works with are lovely. I can tell just by the way he handles calls and social events with me that I have nothing to worry about.

He's always made it clear he's their manager and that's it.

If you feel something is off explore that feeling. Only you know your relationship. Tread carefully but ask questions you need answers to.

Sorry for the rambling!! I hope you're ok

Was this call outside of normal work hours?