I don't know if my husband is a flirt

golden_eve, I don't know much about relationships other than watching my parents and my grandparents, but what you said right here in this post seems spot on for a positive a awesome relationship between two people. My Mom and Dad have always told me that communication is huge in keeping a good relationship going. When they told me this they were telling me this as a Parent to a Kid. For me to keep the communication lines open always with them. It also works the same way though as I see with your post with you and your husband.

Thank you for that. I appreciate it.

He promises that I am the only one he wants and that he will be on top of it IF a woman does flirt with him. Yes, communication is KEY, though it's hard with my husband sometimes. He feels I am trying to control him and who he talks to if I even say anything, which I'm not. I'm not trying to control him, I'm trying to get him to be more aware of how women can be around him. It takes time and effort to get through to him.

Gosh, you jumped on what I wrote without actually reading it. Last time I post on any other your threads Golden Eve. Probably what I should expect. At least you are clear about your negative perceptions, so I don't need to waste more time on them.

never mind... deleted comment.

Someone had mentioned insecurities..... and I've thought about it more. I've been cheated on several times, and I DO have some amount of insecurity going on that plays into this. Then on top of that, my husband doesn't have strong boundaries and is very friendly with everyone, women and men included. Then add into that that we hang out mostly with his friends a lot of the time, and I feel on the outs a bit more. My friends are different than his and I don't see them very often.

So it can be a real conundrum sometimes for me. Ugh.

I believe though you said back a few posts ago that your husband told you face to face that you are the only one he wants to be with. I think there is a difference between a person being friendly and a person flirting. Like I said before I don't know squat about this stuff so please just take what I am saying with a grain of salt. I think you and you husband from what you have said seem to be doing great. My parents say to me and my brother all the time when they might be in a little fight or disagreement that a marriage is a hard thing, but they are in it for the long hall and a little disagree and them communicating it out is how they get over it. It doesn't mean they stop loving each other. It sounds like you and your husband are working through this in a loving marriage and you go girl with it. Hugs

Thank you so much. Your post really helps.

Yes, my husband DID say that. I just now need to believe him.

He hasn't quite turned out to be ALL that he says he is, hence why I have trouble believing his words sometimes.

He is a good man, most times, and he is a good husband, most times, but he's not as nice as he first claimed to be, he can be downright abusive when he's angry with me, and he has yelled at me many times. When we first met, he told me he is nothing but loving and kind.... which he is not always. He has said cruel things to me.

I stay because I love him & there's many special things about our relationship that makes it work well most of the time, but I have my limits and I have made statements on here before that if he is severely cruel to me just one more time, I'm out.

Quote:

Originally Posted by saidso Gosh, you jumped on what I wrote without actually reading it. Last time I post on any other your threads Golden Eve. Probably what I should expect. At least you are clear about your negative perceptions, so I don't need to waste more time on them.

Am I missing something?

I believe golden just points out difference between marital relationship and communication with a worker doing maintenance work in your house (I was somewhat confused on who the man doing the work at your house was, your ex or a stranger etc). I don’t see her jumping at you, she just pointed out that’s not the same

You stay strong to that last statement. nobody should be treated cruel.

I’d look at action, not words. Every jerk (not saying your husband is) would tell you they are loving and kind and every cheater (not saying he cheats) will tell you they don’t cheat. Look only at how they behave. Words are cheap

You're right Divine. I know.... I have to at least try to trust him at his word right now. I know he loves me very very much. I do know this. He tells me all the time.

I believe he loves you but I just wanted to point out you said again he “tells you all the time” he loves you so then if must be true. See if you can look at how he behaves and treats you, not what he “tells you”. It seems similar with your ex who treated you badly but you continued focusing on what he told you, not on bad treatment. People say a lot of things. Again I am not saying he doesn’t love you or lies or treats you bad, just that it’s concerning you put such weight on words not on actions. Love is action, not words.

Agreed. He also shows me all the time that he loves me... through his actions. No, not always with some things he does. this is true. But most of the time, I feel very loved.

Thank you. I will. And you're right.