[Udderlyconfused]

I am in need of help. I recently found out I have a daughter. This happed before my wife and I met, but my wife is not able to accept it. I don’t understand why she is upset could someone please help me to understand? I want to work this out with her but we are worlds apart on this.

[sarahsweets]

You wife is being very selfish by not accepting you have a daughter.

[~Christina]

Maybe she could see a Therapist to process this? What part of you having this child seems to bother her?

How are you doing? Will you be seeing your daughter regularly?

[divine1966]

What happened that you didn’t know you have a daughter? Someone didn’t tell you they were pregnant? How old is your child? What are your plans now?

I disagree with others that your wife is being selfish or has no reason to be upset.

If she wanted man with kids, she’d marry a man with kids. She married someone without kids so why does she need to accept that it turned out not to be the case. Saying that it’s your right to end your marriage if she doesn’t accept your child. Neither one of you is selfish. Circumstances change and now you two have to make a decision what you are going to do now.

[downandlonely]

If you are planning to be part of your daughter's life, it will be a big change in both your life and your wife's. So I understand it taking her some time to process this. Also, if you now have to pay child support, it will affect your lives financially. How long has it been since you found out?

[MickeyCheeky]

It is a big change, @Udderlyconfused It's VERY likely that your wife is very confused at the moment as well. You both need to talk about it and take a decision. She has to decide whether she wants to continue this or not. It's not an easy decision so it will likely take time. She definitely needs to ACCEPT that you have a child - in the sense that she has to recognize the reality of the situation, but that doesn't mean that she has to stay in it. Did you two plan to have children in the future? How much do you believe this changes your marriage exactly? Likely a lot, but there are questions that you may want to ask her. Communication is fundamental in ANY marriage. I hope you'll both be able to reach an agreement. Can I ask you how long have you two been married? She may even decide that she doesn't want children and it'd still be a legitimate decision. In that case it will probably be best for both of you to move on from the relationship - even though I understand how PAINFUL that will be. I hope things will turn out well for ALL of you, your daughter included. Please take care of yourself and keep us posted. Sending many safe, warm hugs to you, UdderlyConfused, and to your OWN family!

[Icedgem]

Please don't take my reply as being insensitive but do you know 100% she is your daughter?

Without much information it seems you were with someone, split up, she found out she was pregnant and continued with the pregnancy without your knowledge and now here you are... Moved on with your own life and now this new information has turned everything upside down.

Can you give more information?

[divine1966]

Paternity test needs to take place