Scaring myself a little

Macd123 · Jul 19, 2019, 07:01 PM

Okay so you might know me - I’m an older guy with a sparse relationship history. So that said I was at my favorite bakery today, talking to my favorite female baker (she owns the store), and she mentioned that she’d like to put some hanging plants outside her bakery. Now I have bought her flowers before but not anything expensive. So I said I’ll get you a hanging plant to put outside your store - she didn’t say anything and just smiled. Well I took this as an invitation to go pick her up a hanging plant or two. When I brought them back she was surprised but I think a little guilty because she wanted to know how much I spent. So the question is did I overstep a boundary - I really didn’t want to make her feel obligated. It just felt nice to do something for her. I was going to run this by my therapist but she’s out of town ☹️ I feel so clueless - thanks 🙏

unaluna · Jul 19, 2019, 07:41 PM

My first thought is, this is a business expense for her. Also, unless youre an interior (or exterior) designer, how would you know what to pick? She might have a vision. Did you match her color scheme? Stuff like that. OTOH, if she "likes you" likes you, then it would be cute. OTOOH, shes a business owner and youre kinda saying that you being a GUY makes you an expert to decide what kind of plant she should put outside.

Sigh. This is why i have no friends and i never leave the house.

Macd123 · Jul 19, 2019, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

My first thought is, this is a business expense for her. Also, unless youre an interior (or exterior) designer, how would you know what to pick? She might have a vision. Did you match her color scheme? Stuff like that. OTOH, if she "likes you" likes you, then it would be cute. OTOOH, shes a business owner and youre kinda saying that you being a GUY makes you an expert to decide what kind of plant she should put outside.

Sigh. This is why i have no friends and i never leave the house.

Well I was more concerned about whether I had overstepped some sort of man/woman boundary. I’ve read articles that said guys who try to impress you with expensive gifts are creepy and expect something in return. . Now this wasn’t intention but afterwards I started thinking she could have taken it that way and I really didn’t think about what I was doing until later. Funny thing is I’m a senior citizen and I think about this crap. I will never be at peace - thanks.

divine1966 · Jul 20, 2019, 07:37 AM

I don’t think man/woman boundary is an issue. I think general boundary is an issue. I just can’t grasp why would you bring flowers for decorating someone’s business. She never said “yes please”, she just smiled. It doesn’t seem appropriate. I don’t run business but I put flowers on my patio. I’d not want people to bring me flowers for my patio because I go for particular color scheme. I don’t think it’s a big deal but she is now kind of forced to hang flowers she might not even like.

MickeyCheeky · Jul 20, 2019, 08:15 AM

I'm sure it was no big deal, @Macd123. I don't believe you were creepy AT ALL. It was a rather nice gesture but perhaps the flowers you bought don't fit in with the other plants. Just apologize if you can and tell her that she doesn't have to put the flowers in her store if she doesn't want to. You can always give them to someone else if you can. Sending many safe, warm hugs to both YOU and HER, Macd123!

metalchick · Jul 20, 2019, 08:31 AM

She probably wasn't expecting you to actually do that for her. Not many people give gifts for a business. I personally would have felt like now I have to hook this guy up with pastries...but then that might send you the wrong signals to you. It was probably just a overwhelming feeling she got and didnt know what to make of it.

Jul 20, 2019, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Macd123

Well I was more concerned about whether I had overstepped some sort of man/woman boundary.

I agree with divine that it was a bit too much. On the other hand, this baker chick seems a little awkward and diffident, and that's something you ought to take note of for future interactions. If you tell her, "I’ll get you a hanging plant to put outside your store," she's probably not going to voice her actual feelings for whatever reason. Instead, ask her if she would like you to get her a couple of plants. You could even feed her some line about how your cousin sells plants out of her greenhouse, and you can get a couple for really cheap.

I'm assuming you've already responded to her question about the cost. So, what was the cost? And what did you tell her the cost was?

unaluna · Jul 20, 2019, 11:09 AM

Diffident is one of my favorite words. People dont use it enough!

Macd123 · Jul 20, 2019, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm sure it was no big deal, @Macd123. I don't believe you were creepy AT ALL. It was a rather nice gesture but perhaps the flowers you bought don't fit in with the other plants. Just apologize if you can and tell her that she doesn't have to put the flowers in her store if she doesn't want to. You can always give them to someone else if you can. Sending many safe, warm hugs to both YOU and HER, Macd123!

You know what - I think she will hang them. She said she was going to bring chains from home - I was concerned because I didn’t want her to think I was after her attention (probably was why else would I do it). Bottom line is I have brought her flowers before and she seemed to appreciate them. I get so hopeful so fast - I’m such a child. She is a great baker !!!!

Macd123 · Jul 20, 2019, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by theoretical

I agree with divine that it was a bit too much. On the other hand, this baker chick seems a little awkward and diffident, and that's something you ought to take note of for future interactions. If you tell her, "I’ll get you a hanging plant to put outside your store," she's probably not going to voice her actual feelings for whatever reason. Instead, ask her if she would like you to get her a couple of plants. You could even feed her some line about how your cousin sells plants out of her greenhouse, and you can get a couple for really cheap.

I'm assuming you've already responded to her question about the cost. So, what was the cost? And what did you tell her the cost was?

They were on sale but it was about $50 bucks - I’m retired and solo so the cost didn’t bother me. Like I said after I thought about it I thought it could be a bit much but she didn’t throw them away and she did say see you later so I’m try to spin the positive - thanks everyone!!!

Macd123 · Jul 20, 2019, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by metalchick

She probably wasn't expecting you to actually do that for her. Not many people give gifts for a business. I personally would have felt like now I have to hook this guy up with pastries...but then that might send you the wrong signals to you. It was probably just a overwhelming feeling she got and didnt know what to make of it.

Yep she offered me pastries 🤗

Macd123 · Jul 20, 2019, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don’t think man/woman boundary is an issue. I think general boundary is an issue. I just can’t grasp why would you bring flowers for decorating someone’s business. She never said “yes please”, she just smiled. It doesn’t seem appropriate. I don’t run business but I put flowers on my patio. I’d not want people to bring me flowers for my patio because I go for particular color scheme. I don’t think it’s a big deal but she is now kind of forced to hang flowers she might not even like.

I think she liked them - thanks 🙏