[cherryberry]

He and my brother have been at war for years. My brother resents my dad because of many acts of physical and verbal abuse on my dad's part towards him. My dad refused to acknowledge the acts or apologize till I confronted him about them as an adult, but he's still passive-aggressively seeking sympathy from me, taking every opportunity to play the victim about the fact my brother can't stand him. I asked him not to bring the stuff with my brother up with me again. Why would he ever do that at all after i told him years ago that he was wrong to abuse my brother? I don't feel sorry for him!

[sarahsweets]

Since you told him not to bring it up, what are the consequences of him bringing it up anyway?

[funnybunnyvj]

From what you've written it looks like you and your dad had normal relationship. There could be some reason why he treated your brother like that. Undisclosed for you reason.

[hvert]

My MIL does the same thing to my husband. Two of her children refuse to visit because of their father's abusive behavior growing up and she frequently complains about it to my husband. I think she wants him to tell her that his siblings are exaggerating, that it wasn't that bad. Sometimes it's clear she wants him to pass along messages to the completely estranged sibling. Other times, it's like she wants to drive a wedge between her children. Maybe your father is worried you feel the same way as your brother and brings these things up so you can reassure him you don't? Whatever his reason is, it really is annoying!

[MickeyCheeky]

Yes, it DOES suck when it happens! Good on you for standing up for yourself and telling him to stop doing that, @cherryberry! Hopefully he'll stop bringing it up to you for good! Keep standing your ground whenever that happens! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and your Brother, @cherryberry!

[winter4me]

He likely needs to be reminded the subject is off limits with you, don't be surprised if he keeps trying--------------it sounds like he is looking for some reassurance he cannot and should not expect from you----(suggest he see a therapist?)