[neverbetter2019]

Hello all,

I've been a bit lost the past few months, and I was hoping for some advice.

I'm 27yo, my partner is 21. I work in a legal firm having just finished my degree a few years ago. My girlfriend is unemployed, but just recently entered into a course in her desired field. We've been in a relationship for 13 months now, we don't live together officially, but she spends most time at my house.

When we met I was going through a particularly tough time in my career, I'd been single for about a year. I was totally enamoured by this incredibly warm, kind and caring person. It was a bit of a whirlwind romance in a lot of ways, I found it incredibly easy to spend time with her and she was so comforting to me. Before I knew it we told each other we loved each other and that was that. I can honestly say I love spending time with her more than anyone else in my life.

Unfortunately, our sex life has never been wonderful. I am very drawn to her beautiful caring nature, but not as much sexually. My partner is very pretty, but I wouldn't say I find her as physically attractive as many of the other women I've been in a relationship with. I was pretty happy to look past this though, as she is such an incredible person, and I suppose my libido was pretty low at the time anyway.

I've had quite a few girlfriends, only a few of which I've been sexually attracted too. I think this is for two reasons - firstly I was once very anxious, with a very poor sex drive, so I was more than happy to date women I didn't want to have sex with, and mostly dated those that I found interesting over those I found attractive physically. Secondly, because I was formally in pretty bad shape, and wouldn't have been a very appetising candidate regardless!

Recently though, things have changed for me. I'm in much better shape, I've received some really pretty incredible promotions and my career trajectory is really good. This brings me to my dilemma.

I find myself incredibly attracted to other women, and I think often about how much I'd like to ask them out, or try my luck. Despite trying, I don't feel very fulfilled at all having sex with my partner. I think, it would be lovely to be partnered with someone I really desire.

I honestly feel incredibly shallow for even thinking this stuff. Should I ignore this and be grateful that I have someone who loves me and I love being around? Is there any way I could or should talk about this with my partner?

Thank you in advance

[sarahsweets]

You may not be physically cheating on here but you are definitely walking the line in your mind. And I say that without judgement. Those types of thoughts and not telling her or trying to force yourself to be into her is harming you. She feels a certain way but you dont so its only fair to let her go. It doesnt matter if you are shallow or not, these feelings are not going to change.

[Crazy Hitch]

Sexual chemistry can be worked on. Romance. That’s key. You can think all sorts of things in your mind but you don’t need to act on them. You’re drawn to her warm personality so there must be something there. Do you truly love her like a partner or do you love her like a really good friend?

[MickeyCheeky]

I don't think you're shallow, @neverbetter2019! It is PERFECTLY NORMAL to wish for sexual satisfaction. I guess it depends on how much this is weighing on your relationship. Do you feel like this is something that can be worked on? Something that can be discussed with? Perhaps you can even try your luck with a Couple Counselling as I believe they can offer Advice and Support for this kind of things as well. Give it a thought perhaps! I feel like it's REALLY IMPORTANT to discuss things with her. If you eventually decide that perhaps it's best to let her go, don't feel guilty about it. You've made the best choice for BOTH of you in that case. Wishing you the BEST of luck in your Decision, whathever it will be! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you and your Girlfriend, @neverbetter2019!

[Bill3]

You have upgraded many parts of your life. Good for you!

I wonder if in your heart of hearts you feel like it is time to “upgrade” your love life as well?