[lynnen]

I met her when she applied for a temp position at my work. I hired her and she was a very good employee. Her employment lasted 6 months and that's when things started getting out of control. She came to my work everyday...sometimes 2-4 times a day just to buy something. She came to my house everyday at lunch. I started avoiding the phone and the doorbell. My friend Joyce, who also worked with me, said that she was obsessed with me. I guess I was in denial because the ex-employee, I'll call Cindy, had just lost her mother and Cindy often referred to me jokingly as "Mom". I am 11 years older than her. She started bringing me birthday presents, valentine flowers, etc....Wierd. I was married and so was she. She hated her marriage and is now divorced. My husband and I are separated. To make a long story as short as possible....Cindy tries to monopolize my life. She calls 4 or more times a day........she visits that many times or more a day. She is absolutely driving me crazy. Before my husband left, he offered to let her stay in our rent house when she left her husband. That was last July 2003 and she is still there....stopping by every second she isn't working. She has a 9 year old son that she leaves at her ex-husband's so she can sit and visit with me. That really bothers me. I have been rude at times and have even told her that I need my space. She says she understands but never respects my request. She acts like a kid at times.....very immature. She has made stupid inferences to suicide whenever she knows that I am upset. I have told her that I am moving out of the state and she really gets upset. She buys my 17 year old son expensive gifts. My other "normal" friends tell me that they can sense I am about to blow. I don't want to hurt her......she IS a very good person and very helpful. She's just obsessed. She has told me that she is in love with me........I have told her that I don't like other women. There's no chance of anything happening. She tries to touch me........I get mad and she blows it off like she was just kidding. She won tickets to one of my friend's shows the other day so she could go with me. I did not have plans to go with her...........I was going with someone else. Now she's upset over that. I can tell by the way she acts whenever she's upset........she is ALWAYS apologizing. My nerves just can't handle much more. I think she is a lesbian and I have told her that she needs to come to terms with her sexuality. She denies being gay........she says that she's just in love with me. I'm very confused and don't know how to handle this situation without hurting her really deeply. Any thoughts or suggestions? Does she have a condition that needs attention?

[Sesquix]

Wow you are almost going through what I am with some exceptions. I have a female friend who is doing the same. Right now I can recommend the no contact method. I tried to control the contact, but she would find ways and still does, to cal l me. Tell her to move out because you have to rerent the house or something like that. Try to set any boundaries you can. You might need to involve the police in your case if she gets too weird. But our "friends" seem to mirror each other in many ways. Mine also moved within blocks of my house and no matter how rude or stressed I sound, she turns it into another reason to talk to me. You have a much more serious problem with yours than I do mine. I recommend to be firm in your boundaries and a goal of getting her out of the house. good luck---sesquix

[mandala]

One of my favorite books (The Gift of Fear, by de Becker) talks about how to end relationships with stalkers. (I would consider this stalking.)

He says, basically, to just end it. Don't talk about ending it. Don't talk to them period... since any contact you have with them (even if it's negative) reinforces the connection and obligation in their eyes.

Just end it... don't allow her in your house. Don't take her calls, or end them immediately.

Also, try to figure out if she makes you feel "special" in any way... if there is anything YOU are getting out of her acting this way that may be keeping you from calling a halt to it. (For instance, does it feel nice to be paid so much attention to, esp by a person you describe as sweet and good hearted?)

When I wanted to end it with a neighbor who was intrusive and harassing me I just refused to respond to her... she visited, called, asked what was wrong. I just always said "nothing" "I'm busy" "I can't visit now" etc.

Eventually she got the message.

Good luck.

[gloria]

Why do you care so much about not hurting her?
Why is she still living there?

Why do care more about her feelings that yours?

Ask her to leave.... DOn't put her before you!!

gab