[Whoaminoone]

I have been involved with this person for 4 years. We had both been previously married. Him for 18 years; myself for 8 years. We both experienced infidelity in our marriages. We agreed neither of us were looking for a ‘serious relationship’ in the beginning. Within a few months, I was no longer seeing other people. He continued to date other women, along with myself. I’m at a point that I very much want exclusivity with this person...but he continues to say he doesn’t want “labels” because they just complicate things. As far as I know, he is seeing me exclusively at the moment...but by refusing to label us as a ‘couple’, I feel he is leaving himself open to continue to look for someone better! He tells me he loves me...and I am absolutely in love with him. After 4 years...am I just deluding myself that there’s a chance of a future with him? Am I just allowing myself to be used until “something better” comes along for him? Am I unreasonable to feel like he must not love me, even though he says he does, since he refuses to commit?

[~Christina]

4 years is a very long time to wait for someone to be open to calling you a couple.

Maybe he doesn’t realize just how much this hurts you ?

I’d sit down for a serious conversation. If you don’t like his answers you’ll need to make some decisions in how you want to move forward with your life whether he is in it or not.

[Bill3]

I have no way of knowing if he loves you or not. But to me that isn’t the main issue here.

You want to commit and he doesn’t. After four years it seems pretty clear that he isn’t going to change. He wants his own ‘label’: uncommitted.

He has shown you who he is. Believe him and act accordingly.

[Open Eyes]

When someone tells you what they want, BELIEVE THEM.

[sarahsweets]

That is a lot of time to invest in someone who doesnt want labels. Personally I would tell him you do want a label and see what he says. Are you sleeping with him? I am not trying to get in your business but if you are then he has little motivation to want a label.

[SorryShaped]

There are a surprising number of people that want things open these days. Some see the damages that can be from closing down to one person, usually because one person hurt them so deeply in the past. He may never change this outlook, but if that's not how you need things, you should tell him.
I've been very hurt, and I'm thinking I can't be in a one-to-one commitment again. I'm bipolar and have never cheated except when it was to break up with a cheater because I knew she'd find out.
If you're ok with accepting a "whatever" relationship status, then it could be good.

[MickeyCheeky]

Yes, agree with what ALL the other wise and wonderful posters have already wisely said BETTER THAN I EVER COULD! Please listen to what' they're wisely and WONDERFULLY saying! He may not want "labels" but you do. It is definitely important for you to talk things through with him and see what HE wants to do. If he's not interested then it's only fair for you to move on with your Life and find someone else who will TRULY Love you! It seems to me that he's mostly keeping you around to have a "safe" person to go to in case he ends up alone. I may be wrong though. Please talk to him, see whether you're satisfied with his answers and decide by yourself. Four years are MORE THAN ENOUGH to make up one's mind after all! KEEP FIGHTING AND KEEP ROCKING! Feel free to PM me ANYTIME when you need Advice and Support. I hope you'll find the right person for you REALLY SOON! I'm SURE plenty of others will be glad to help you as well! Please be kind to yourself because you deserve ONLY THE BEST and NOTHING LESS! KEEP FIGHTING! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH You, @Whoaminoone, Your Boyfriend, Your Family, Your Friends and ALL Of Your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking as much as you possibly can like you're already wonderfully doing ENTIRELY ON YOUR OWN! PLEASE DO KEEP FIGHTING AND PLEASE DO KEEP ROCKING AS MUCH AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN LIKE YOU'RE ALREADY WONDERFULLY DOING ALL AND ENTIRELY BY YOURSELF!