So a few years ago I had to work with a lady. She wasn't my friend I think and she had certain ideas that really bothered me.

- she always said how busy she was, though she wasn't. She completely believed she was overwhelmed busy.
- she always was complaining about other people - to the point that it annoyed me. Very negative and mean.
- she was a SLAVE to modern medical advice. If the doctor told her to do it, she did it, no ifs ands or buts. Like doctors were gods.
- she constantly seemed obsessed with shoving food in my mouth and was the number one reason I failed dieting.
- Weirdly she only liked certain people at the workplace and this people i didn't like.
- She had a really nice family life but always seemed to complain about it.
- She always complained about the computer system we had at work but would never sit down to try to learn it and often, so often, I would be called upon to show her how to use it but, she would never learn (presumably because I was there to show her).

This lady and I separated when she retired and I was all the better for it. Then, two years ago I got a new workmate (who never knew the retired lady) and we became friendly and yesterday I noticed she is this woman reincarnated. Right down to liking the same people at the workplace.

I have come to the conclusion... it has to be me. It is me. Period. I have to create these people. It has to be me.

You might think that is an overreaction but I noticed this with my pets. My cats all come into my house with every different personalities and then, they all start acting the same in very negative ways.

So I think I have to stop this... but how? What am I doing?

[Imokay2]

Would you say you have other friends or family you spend time with outside of work? Besides the cats, I mean?

Originally Posted by Imokay2

Would you say you have other friends or family you spend time with outside of work? Besides the cats, I mean?

No. Over the years I have been isolating myself because I keep having people act horribly... now I am starting to wonder if I am making them.

[thebigmermaid]

Maybe it's a case where we attract certain types of people or are trained to see specific qualities in others. I usually never give the vague perspective of "try to be more positive" .. but perhaps it might work here.

I remember feeling in a rut for years, and having a feeling like I would attract really off, fake friendships and couldn't build anything meaningful with anyone. But I had to move and in my new location fostered some good friendships. Maybe a change of location or environment will also work. Cheers!

[Imokay2]

I'm sorry you are not feeling like you made good friends in the past. But,we people need to have other people as friends. This world can be a hard place to make friends sometimes, and some of us make it seem easy to do.
I am one of those who doesn't make friends as easy, although it might seem like work acquaintances can be friends, and we spend a lot of time there, I think most people don't see work acquaintances as close friends, or make them people they spend time with outside of work.
In my experience most people settle for just getting along well with the people they work with. Not someone who you talk to about deep personal things, or call when you need help. Or other things you would trust a friend with.
Because of that they don't make the kind of alliance a close friend might.
Their getting along with people you don't like is just them getting along well with Co workers. Not a personal insult to you. I believe if you made closer real friends outside of work, it wouldn't bother you.
In my town there is a meet-up group for 'socially awkward' people, I haven't gone to it yet, but, I imagine it might be a good fit for me to meet people like me who aren't as outgoing.
I know that church can be a good place to start connecting with other people.
The trick is to balance out the time and effort you put into the people you do find, so you don't totally focus all your time and attention on one person and overwhelm them with your need to connect. Which we all have that need.
I'm sure you aren't a bad person that other people can't like. You should not tell yourself that, it seems like you have a need to socialize and create connection.
That is totally normal.
Please consider reaching out to other's outside of work, I think you will find it puts the work acquaintances in perspective.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Emily Fox Seaton

So a few years ago I had to work with a lady. She wasn't my friend I think and she had certain ideas that really bothered me.

- she always said how busy she was, though she wasn't. She completely believed she was overwhelmed busy.
- she always was complaining about other people - to the point that it annoyed me. Very negative and mean.
- she was a SLAVE to modern medical advice. If the doctor told her to do it, she did it, no ifs ands or buts. Like doctors were gods.
- she constantly seemed obsessed with shoving food in my mouth and was the number one reason I failed dieting.
- Weirdly she only liked certain people at the workplace and this people i didn't like.
- She had a really nice family life but always seemed to complain about it.
- She always complained about the computer system we had at work but would never sit down to try to learn it and often, so often, I would be called upon to show her how to use it but, she would never learn (presumably because I was there to show her).

This lady and I separated when she retired and I was all the better for it. Then, two years ago I got a new workmate (who never knew the retired lady) and we became friendly and yesterday I noticed she is this woman reincarnated. Right down to liking the same people at the workplace.

I have come to the conclusion... it has to be me. It is me. Period. I have to create these people. It has to be me.

You might think that is an overreaction but I noticed this with my pets. My cats all come into my house with every different personalities and then, they all start acting the same in very negative ways.

So I think I have to stop this... but how? What am I doing?

I'm sorry that you are struggling right now!