[APRILFORTUNA]

We had twins in Dec 2016 and we went thru alot with the boys in the NICU...soon after we got home I started working from home taking care of twin new borns. I wasnt intimate with my husband because of the weight gain and stress.....A year ago I found out my husband was talking to another woman. There were sexual pics sent but nothing physical that I know about. After, I found out they continued speaking for awhile (my husbands answer was "I didn't give a ****") and over the course of 6 months I would find things out that wouold break me apart. It was rocky but I started losing weight and trying to be better for our marriage. Since Aug 2019 I have really been trying to be happy, healthy and move on with our life together. Things were going great between us.

We recently started becoming friendly with this woman and her daughter (17yrs old) that he used to work with for 12yrs. The past month and half my husband has been texting with her 17 yr old. When I first noticed he said it was because she doesn't have a father figure in her life and he wanted to be there for her. I haven't been ok with it from the beginning but he likes to help people. My husband has two girls from a previous marriage and our twin 3 yr old. He doesn't have a relationship with one of his girls and the other isn't great. He now texts this girl all throughout the day and night. He was texting her at nite in bed with me at 9:30pm and I got upset...He knows I do not like it and now has been limiting when he does it at home. What really got me against this was one nite he met her at a wawa so she could get gas and he never told me, I gave him the opportunity to but never did....I only knew because her mother mentioned it to me.

Is this OK? He is makes me feel horrible when I get upset about it and says I need to stop the ******** and get over being insecure. I do not think it is anything sexual just totally inappropriate and crossing lines.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by APRILFORTUNA

We had twins in Dec 2016 and we went thru alot with the boys in the NICU...soon after we got home I started working from home taking care of twin new borns. I wasnt intimate with my husband because of the weight gain and stress.....A year ago I found out my husband was talking to another woman. There were sexual pics sent but nothing physical that I know about. After, I found out they continued speaking for awhile (my husbands answer was "I didn't give a ****") and over the course of 6 months I would find things out that wouold break me apart. It was rocky but I started losing weight and trying to be better for our marriage.

This is classic emotional abuse and gaslighting. And I consider it cheating. He manipulated you into thinking it was your fault. Your fault that you birthed his children and werent in tip top shape yet, your fault that you were tired or emotionally drained. He acted like a brat because he didnt get what he wanted and found it elsewhere.

Since Aug 2019 I have really been trying to be happy, healthy and move on with our life together. Things were going great between us.

How so? Can you share some examples?

[quote]We recently started becoming friendly with this woman and her daughter (17yrs old) that he used to work with for 12yrs. The past month and half my husband has been texting with her 17 yr old. When I first noticed he said it was because she doesn't have a father figure in her life and he wanted to be there for her. I haven't been ok with it from the beginning but he likes to help people. My husband has two girls from a previous marriage and our twin 3 yr old. He doesn't have a relationship with one of his girls and the other isn't great. He now texts this girl all throughout the day and night. He was texting her at nite in bed with me at 9:30pm and I got upset...He knows I do not like it and now has been limiting when he does it at home. What really got me against this was one nite he met her at a wawa so she could get gas and he never told me, I gave him the opportunity to but never did....I only knew because her mother mentioned it to me.

This is not ok and BEYOND inappropriate. Fine, you worked through the other sexting but now he is consumed with a 17 year old girl? It doesnt matter if he is a saint and a savior of wayward lost girls it is not ok, it is not healthy and it is not safe for either of them. The girl needs a therapist not a male role model with a history of emotional affairs. Not to mention should things go sideways for any reason and the entire thing could be misconstrued criminally or otherwise. If you want to address this you must first get together with this girls mother. Find out if she knows its day and night. Find out if she is ok with this and tell her you are not. See how she reacts or what she says. You have every right to demand that your husband not text this minor child. I just do not know how you would enforce that.
Is this OK? He is makes me feel horrible when I get upset about it and says I need to stop the ******** and get over being insecure. I do not think it is anything sexual just totally inappropriate and crossing lines.

[APRILFORTUNA]

How so? Can you share some examples?

Honestly we were just having fun with each other again. We were laughing and joking. Going out with friends, being intimate. It was good....then this happens. Its like when I feel things are going good something has to come up to smack be back down again

[Seahound]

No, this is not okay. His behavior with the 17 year old is inappropriate. Even if he's truly innocent and intending no harm ( which I have doubts), he should have the awareness to refer her to someone that can help her.
He has obviously made missteps in the handling of his two daughters, what leads you to believe he's using this girl to right his wrongs? Would it not be better if he's trying to atone for his failures with his own daughters by trying very hard to be part of their lives? Is he even trying? Is he trying to better himself so that maybe his kids will want to be a part of his life?

I agree with the poster above regarding talking to this girl's mom. That needs to happen.

Seahound

[divine1966]

I don’t know what’s the age of consent in your state but I’d personally inform girls mother and perhaps police. It sounds like he is grooming young girl.

I’d not tolerate this.

As a mother I’d need to know if a grown man texting with my daughter and as a wife I’d throw my husband out and change locks and file for divorce.

In what way shape or form you even consider it to be acceptable...

[bpcyclist]

Your husband is getting high off texting with a child. Every new text is another high. This is completely inappropriate. Furthermore, what if they mess up in a moment of spectacularly bad judgment and something physical does occur? It wouldn't be on the girl, obviously--she is a child. I don't know VA law but here, prison sentences are very harsh for adults of either sex who have sex with kids. You might remind him of that, since he seems to think there is just absolutely nothing wrong with what he is doing.

[Crazy Hitch]

It doesn’t sound right. It seems off. Go with your gut.