[Torn]

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a long time. He went home last summer to where he is originally from and met this girl. He proposed this arrangement that is very complex to me (a catholic person who had stable family life, a very loving father to my mother and his kids). He said he loves me, and don't want to lose me. And that the other girl is only there to have kids from his own heritage and culture. He knew from the very beginning that I don't agree with this arrangement, yet he tells me that its my choice whether to stay or not. How do i deal with this? I have been struggling to make sense out of these crazy idea of his.

[heidu]

Hi Torn and welcome to the forums. I really am not sure what to say. I think you said it best. It sounds like a crazy arrangement and maybe not the best one to suit your needs and wants in a relationship. I have to be honest and say that I think you should end the relationship and find someone more suitable for you. Someone who loves and respects you. He may love you in some way but he is not respecting either you or this other woman. It's not fair to either of you. You deserve to have a relationship with a man who will love you completely and devote his life to you and your life together.
I wish you the best in trying to figure this out.
Heidu

[Zenobia]

I agree with with heidu. I will add that if he feels it is ok to treat another woman as a breader for his race and nothing else then he doesn't have an appropriate appreciation for women as a whole. You deserve better. Either he is a creep for only being with the other woman to make his babies or he is a creep for lying to you about his real relationship with this woman. Either way he isn't a man I would bet on for a long lasting loving relationship. Sorry if I am being too blunt. I just know that there are a million other guys out there that would treat you with more care and respect. Also you have to think about what happens when she does have his babies. I am assuming that he is going to want to be part of their lives which means she will be part of your life...forever. You can't have kids and not have anything to do with the mother. It just doesn't work that way.
Zen

<font color=green>The snow falls on no two trees alike, and the forms it assumes are as various as those of the twigs and leaves which recieve it...so one divine spirit decends alike on all, but bears a peculiar fruit in each--Henry David Thoreau

[Zenobia]

I agree with with heidu. I will add that if he feels it is ok to treat another woman as a breader for his race and nothing else then he doesn't have an appropriate appreciation for women as a whole. You deserve better. Either he is a creep for only being with the other woman to make his babies or he is a creep for lying to you about his real relationship with this woman. Either way he isn't a man I would bet on for a long lasting loving relationship. Sorry if I am being too blunt. I just know that there are a million other guys out there that would treat you with more care and respect. Also you have to think about what happens when she does have his babies. I am assuming that he is going to want to be part of their lives which means she will be part of your life...forever. You can't have kids and not have anything to do with the mother. It just doesn't work that way.
Zen

<font color=green>The snow falls on no two trees alike, and the forms it assumes are as various as those of the twigs and leaves which recieve it...so one divine spirit decends alike on all, but bears a peculiar fruit in each--Henry David Thoreau

[jennie]

is he able to meet your needs with this arrangement? that's the issue. sounds to me like you already know your answer. how do you deal with this??? you accept!!! accept whatever it is you choose. (((Huggs)))