[ZenZeta]

I actually revisited a post from April where I was asking about why I couldn't really connect to the "nice guy..."

Well, we went out for a few more months, but I ended up breaking it off in July, and I felt really badly about it. I could tell that he was devastated (he said he was planning on proposing... I'm SO glad he didn't), but I could not force myself to feel the same way he felt.

Of course, there's more. During the last month of my relationship with "nice guy" I went to a training class for work and met the "spark guy". We had so much in common and had the best conversation during the class outing the first night of class, but when he asked me for my number at the end of class I told him that I couldn't because I was in a relationship. We did settle on connecting on LinkedIn.

Life went on. Spark Guy and I communicated through LInkedIn, but I kept it professional. However, I knew that I liked him, and I started to feel guilty about it. Besides, things with Nice Guy continued to fizzle, and after a visit to his hometown during the 4th of July weekend, I knew it was time to end it.

I kept things at professional LInkedIn level with spark guy until the end of the summer. I found that I looked forward to his emails every day and decided to upgrade to phone calls / texting in late August, and we went out for the first time in mid September.

Every conversation has been insightful. He seems very transparent (even being honest about why his marriage didn't work -- he cheated -- which makes me nervous), we GET each other... laugh at the same jokes and can talk for HOURS, but we don't live in the same state (something else that makes me nervous).

As we continued to get to know each other, I had a friend of mine (police officer) run a background check on Spark Guy and found no red flags that he didn't already disclose. His divorce paperwork lined up with the timeline he gave me. He seemed to be a decent guy,

He patiently waited until I was ready to take things to a physical level,,, and that's even AMAZING

...but around October he started inviting me to visit him at his home in another state. and I started getting REALLY nervous. I told him I'm not ready for that, and he's been really respectful and not pressed the issue. He even set expectations for the pending holidays and communication with the ex about the kids since I've shared my trust issues with him (who knows that's going on when we're not in each other's presence, right?).

He, did, however share that wanted me to consider meeting his children ... NEXT YEAR!!!!! I literally felt my throat close a little. Now I'm starting to pick him apart just like the other guy. It's like I'm looking for a reason to get out now that he wants to get closer. I've started having irrational thoughts like "If he cheated on his wife, he'll probably cheat on me..." and anything else I can think of to detach.

This is bad right? Good Guy... Bad Guy... when men want to "attach", I start running... what's wrong with me?

[divine1966]

There is nothing wrong with you. Not sure why you call it fear of commitment. You had one date. Talks about commitment aren’t even reasonable.

I think your guts just telling you that this guy isn’t right for you. Trust your guts. Personally I’d not date a cheater, so I don’t believe your thoughts are irrational. And even if he is a good guy, it’s been only one date. Commitment phobia after one date? You don’t even know him, why would you even want a commitment

[ZenZeta]

Actually, we met in July, communicated until September and went on our first date in September.

We've seen each other every other week since then, and we talk every day. He'll either fly out to see me or fly me out to see him. At first that raised a red flag, but he doesn't seem to be hiding anything.

Maybe it is the cheating thing. Maybe I'm afraid he'll repeat that with me...

I dunno... would a cheater invite me to his home or introduce me to his children?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ZenZeta

Actually, we met in July, communicated until September and went on our first date in September.

We've seen each other every other week since then, and we talk every day. He'll either fly out to see me or fly me out to see him. At first that raised a red flag, but he doesn't seem to be hiding anything.

Maybe it is the cheating thing. Maybe I'm afraid he'll repeat that with me...

I dunno... would a cheater invite me to his home or introduce me to his children?

Where do you see him when you fly there if you said it is too early to see him in his home?

No, seeing each other every other week isn’t a red flag. I had a long distance boyfriend and we saw each other every other week. Pretty normal I’d say

Well I don’t know if he’ll cheat but why do you think cheater wouldn’t cheat on someone they invited to their house and introduced to their children?

His wife he cheated on actually lived in his house and was actual mother of the children. Yet it didn’t stop him. I’d say cheater most certainly would invite women over and would have no issue with women meeting his kids. In my opinion cheating is a character flaw and circumstances don’t matter but many forgive affairs or think he “changed”. . So it’s up to you

And to be honest he says you’ll meet them next year which is typical time frame. He isn’t introducing you to kids tomorrow.

I see, you had more than one date, you’ve met first time in September and see each other every other week and it’s end of November. You saw him only handful of times. Haven’t been to his house. Talks of commitment are way too premature.